


A Bang and a Whimper

by LadyLorena



Category: Thor (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 20:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 66,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5599153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLorena/pseuds/LadyLorena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki watches Thor fight Thanos knowing that the outcome of the battle could result in his death either way.  But in Asgard, things are changing, even if change meets resistance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Loki cowers.

This is not something he is used to doing, but given that Thanos broke both his legs and is battling Thor, Mjolnir against the Gauntlet, in a fight that seems to be perpetually crackling, thundering, and roaring, cowering does not seem like a terrible idea.

As he presses himself farther into the corner, hoping to disappear, using every ounce of his strength to maintain the sorcery that keeps the pain from becoming excruciating, he lets his mind wander to how he got here. The quest to prove himself. The acquisition of a throne. Repayment of a debt.

Yes, he gave Thanos the Gauntlet, but only because he thought it would save his life. There was little else he could do but allow him access to the vaults. It was only after it was gone that he did any research to find out just what it was he had given away and why Thanos might have wanted it. Once he knew what it was, he realized that he had very likely doomed the entire universe and it was little good to be alive if all of existence was going to be blinked out with you in it. And so he had done what he could to make finding the Infinity Stones harder. He nudged Thor's vision, he put protections around a ragtag crew of spacefarers, he hindered Thanos in what little ways he could and made sure to inquire after the Collector frequently. It was because of this that Thanos only had the Gauntlet to use against Thor. Loki finds that there is something somewhat funny in the fact that he has become, in a way, the All-Father, protecting the realms from a threat to end them all. Perhaps, he thinks, this means he has been a success. Unless, of course, Thor fails and Thanos kills him, acquires the Stones, and ends the universe, and then he will have been a terrible failure...but everyone will be dead, so it will not matter. This is somewhat comforting.

A large explosion of lightning brings his mind back to the battle before him and when the smoke clears and his vision returns, Thanos is dead, smouldering, and Thor's shoulders drop with the relief of knowing that something huge has ended, a disaster averted, everything properly Avenged. Loki tries to make himself invisible, hoping Thor's gaze will slip past him and he will be left alone, but when it begins to cause the magic keeping his legs from screaming, he drops the idea and returns his concentration where he needs it most.

Thor walks over to him, sets Mjolnir aside, and crouches in front of him, "It is over."

"This I see. It would be hard for it not to be, given that he is smoking."

"Yes, indeed."

"Deal the blow true, Thor, and do not delay. If this is to all end here, let it truly all end."

Thor shakes his head, "No, Loki, I will not."

"You will parade me through the city, defeated, and then execute me in the square?"

"No, not that either."

"Then what?"

"We shall see, but you will live."

Loki cannot believe what he is hearing, "Are you mad?"

"Likely. But a wise man once told me that he stood on the side of life. And I will follow his example in letting those able to serve the same purpose walk beside him."

"I do not understand."

"You do not have to." Thor sits, "You have, it seems, finally learned something."

"Oh?"

"That you are not infallible."

"And how do you come to this conclusion?"

"I know you gave him the Gauntlet."

"Do go on."

"And the only reason that I can think of that he would not have collected the stones is that a very powerful sorcerer was working against him."

"Yes."

"So you must have realized you erred."

Loki smiles a small, crooked smile, "Ah, yes. That. It made sense that if I wished to be alive, along with the rest of you sots, that I ought to do something about that."

"Standing on the side of life."

"Of the universe existing. You see me far more noble than I am."

"I see a man who ruled Asgard well."

"He is not dead, you know. He will demand justice."

"I know. Were he dead, we would be having a very different conversation."

"One far less merciful, I imagine."

"Aye, far less. Or one that would have ended with a single blow."

Thor does not need to gesture to Mjolnir for Loki to take his meaning, "Ah...yes. But what victory would that bring to you? You wish to see me grovel. To hear words of repentance drip from my lips as sweet as dew in the Queen's Garden. But no matter...he will order such a blow sooner, rather than later. And you will not get your words in the short time I have before Odin does what he ought to have years ago."

"Odin does not have the power to give such an order."

Loki's confusion is only momentary, but it flicks across his face before he restores his mask of calm, "He has crowned you."

"Yes. And now it is my duty to deal with 'the problem of Loki'."

"I am, indeed, a problem."

"No, I do not think so."

Everything about Thor irritates Loki. His calm. His patience. The way that he picks up this conversation as though there were not years of hostility between them. As though they were still brothers and the years of anger were merely a spat over a misplaced stuffed animal or a broken toy, but nothing of consequence.

His voice turns bitter, "How is it, Odinson, that you grant me mercy? Is it out of some misplaced sense of pity? Do you see this violence in my nature, in my origins? Do you think I will become some obedient servant, a messenger, perhaps, or a slave? Am I to return to the dungeons, left to bleed and later to scream in agony after years of solitude? What is it you want from me, Thor?" The edge in his voice softens as he resigns to whatever fate he is set for, "There is little left for you to take."

"I do not wish to take anything. I need you for greater things."

"Oh?"

"You have proven yourself a capable leader. A capable king. Thanos left the realms in chaos searching for the Stones. You did what you could to keep them stable in the wake of his terror. You will continue this work."

"What?"

"I need you beside me once again, Brother. You have proven yourself a worthy protector of the realms. Mother would be proud."

These words crack his mask and Thor notices. He reaches for Loki's hand and rests his fingers on his for only a moment.

"What if I refuse?"

"I do not know. I would rather not return you to the dungeon, but if it is my only option..."

"They will not accept my return. I have done far too much damage."

"Who?"

"The people of Asgard. They do not know me as Loki, their king, only in the guise of Odin. I never revealed myself."

"Then how would they know what you have done?"

Loki's eyes meet Thor's, "You did not tell them?"

"Why would I have? When we thought you dead, we kept the matter private. Father did not wish to tell the realm of the death of a prince. He simply stopped mentioning you. Your attempt to conquer Midgard was unnoticed by all but Heimdall and those he told. No one was told why you were in the dungeon if I did not tell them. And as to the throne...if you did not show yourself, who would have known?"

It is a monumental revelation to Loki that no one in Asgard knows he is as terrible as he has sometimes thought himself, "Do they know of my origins?"

"No. I told no one."

"Not even your friends?"

"No, Loki. That is your story to tell, not mine."

His strength is fading and the magic grows weaker; Thor notices him grimace, "Thank you."

"You are welcome. To all eyes, including my own, you are still my brother."

Loki speaks through clenched jaw, "Thank you."

"Your sorcery is weakening."

"Yes."

Thor gets to his feet and hooks Mjolnir to his belt, "Come. I will carry you." He gathers Loki in his arms and Loki does not resist.

"I will beg for death by the time we arrive in Asgard." There are tears in his eyes.

"Yes, you will." Thor looks to the sky, "Heimdall, bring us home." The Bifrost opens.

When they land, Loki is shuddering, his fists clenched against Thor's armor, his voice lost in the overwhelming pain. Thor's horse is waiting and it takes Heimdall's help to get Loki nestled in front of him. As they ride, Loki whimpers as his legs jostle, Thor unable to keep them still. He knows he must, but it is simply impossible to keep Loki on the horse, guide them to the palace, and stabilize his legs all at the same time.

At the palace, he is met by his friends and they ease Loki down. He is stiff, curled in on himself, and he does not respond to any of their requests to reposition himself.

"Where are we taking him?" Hogun asks.

Fandral sighs, adjusting Loki in his arms, "Look at him. To the infirmary. Any place else would be cruel." He turns to Thor, "Right?"

"Of course." There is something familiar in Loki's eyes- a pleading he has not seen since he was just barely grown, "I will be along shortly. I wish to tell Father I have found you."

"Please, Brother..." Loki's voice is barely above a whisper.

Thor hands the reins of his horse to an attendant, "Father can wait. I have waited far too many years to hear you call me 'brother' again." He gently takes Loki in his arms, "Come, friends. There is much healing to do."

As Loki closes his eyes, he hears the others agree and, even through the excruciating pain, he thinks he might be safe with Thor.

The last thing he hears before he blacks out is Fandral's voice saying, "Yes, much to rebuild in every sense of it."


	2. Chapter 2

Fandral stays with Thor during the first night while healers work reconstruct Loki's bones, replacing what they can, setting everything in casts when they finish.

Loki looks so small amidst the holo-monitors in the large angled bed, the straps pulling his legs towards the ceiling to keep him elevated and still. Other wounds have been stitched up and bandaged as well and he is kept unconscious through the following day.

When he wakes, no one is beside him. He sighs. Even that hurts. He spends the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep, his heart heavy, whimpering when things are far more painful than he thinks they should be. Healing should not be more painful than getting hurt in the first place. With every battle lost, he wonders if there is a reason to fight for anything, even living. It seems like it might be a waste of the healers' time to fuss over him. But if no one in Asgard knows what he is or why he has done what he has done...just maybe there is some sort of future in store for him. Bored, resigned, and sleepy, he waits.

Thor arrives late in the day with his arms full of books. He has always had difficulty finding gifts for Loki. Accoutrements of war have always been appreciated, but they sit on a shelf or in a closet and are rarely used. Loki hates the pageantry associated with getting new clothes made for him, so Thor has never invited him to come with him to be dressed for parades and court. And trivial tokens end up tucked in a drawer gathering dust.

Books, however, have always been gifts well loved. Loki treasures words, and so when Thor has traveled throughout the realms for these years since Loki left his side, he has gathered books for him in hopes of being able to some day hand him this treasure trove of history and lore in person. He knows that there will be no glowing appreciation when he shows Loki what he has found, but he hopes they will at least keep his brother occupied during his long recovery. A bored Loki is a dangerous Loki, or that is, at least, what Odin has been telling him these past few days. Be careful of the wounded animal.

When Thor enters, closely watched by the guards at the door, he is expecting a sarcastic comment or a barbed statement on his lateness, but instead he finds Loki staring at the ceiling, his face relaxed. He barely turns his head to see Thor step up to his bed.

"You came."

"Yes, Brother, I did. And I come bearing books."

Loki struggles to prop himself up and Thor hurries to set down his gift so he can help. Loki clenches his teeth as he leans back on the many pillows and Thor finds it odd that Loki does not hide his pain. He is cautious, suspicious, that this might be a ploy to manipulate his feelings, fool him with a false security and regain his trust only to betray him again. But he wants to believe the best. He brings over a few of the books from his pile.

"I have been collecting them for you. I read some of them, but some of them I did not understand. I think you will, though. You always were the brighter of the two of us."

Loki smiles a bit ruefully, "Ah, yes, that was what they always said. But the fire that burns brightest exhausts its fuel and dies far more quickly than the slow and steady flame."

"You have not burned out your light. You are here, and we are yet young."

"But I have no future here, whether you believe so or not. Under Odin's ever watchful eye, I will destroy myself simply out of spite. I cannot be what he wants me to be. The good and faithful son. You may be king, but Odin is still Odin."

"Are you a threat to me?"

"No, Thor. Not this time. Only to myself. I assume this is why there are four guards at my door, two in, two out."

"The guards are there to be sure on one enters to harm you, and to make sure you stay here to heal."

He scoffs, "Oh? To make sure I stay here? Not to make sure I do not make mischief for others, or seek threaten Asgard or her king?"

"Yes, to make sure you stay here. Do you not remember that I said little is known of your exploits beyond a few of us? That there are things you have done that are known only to you and I?"

"I remember. But it is hard to think that Odin would not attempt to poison your mind against me. I did steal his throne. It does not seem too far a stretch to believe that he would not think favourably of me for any reason."

"He is quite angry, it is true, but the years have softened him. He is an old man and his time is coming to a close. He wants most of all to understand why."

"It should not take much empathy for him to know it. If he does not by now, I do not think anyone can explain it to him."

"He wishes to hear it from your own lips."

A look of panic flickers across Loki's face, but it is gone as quickly as it appeared, "No. I cannot."

"I saw that, Brother. The moment of terror. You fear him. And fear drives men to desperate ends. That is why there are guards at your door. I do not wish to lose you again."

Loki laughs softly, a sad, tired sound, "Thor, where would I go? Honestly. Look at me. Both my legs are shattered. They are more metal than they are bone. Even were I to craft an illusion to hide myself from you, I would still be right here. You could defeat your eyes and reach through to touch me. And even were it possible for me to leave, who would have me? The mere fact that the king of Asgard would be combing the realms to find me would raise suspicion and I would be welcome nowhere, a man with no country. I will stay, a prisoner in my own home."

"You are no prisoner, Loki. You are my brother, and some day you will once again travel the Nine."

"The Nine...the Nine. So limiting. There are things between the realms, hidden places that we know so little about. Dark places. And I wish to find them and to discover what secrets they hold. So if I am only to travel the Nine, I do not see it as a much more appealing fate."

"Your curiosity will consume you if you do not explore."

"Yes. The bright fire, all consuming."

Thor hands him a few more books, "You can begin by exploring these books. Literature from every place I visited to find you. You might discover that there are things you do not know about these realms that can carry you through until you are able to delve into the dark corners of the universe. Read, dear Brother, and I will return to you tomorrow. Perhaps you can explain to me the book on the Higgs-Boson that Jane left for you. I have no idea what it means."

Loki selects a book from the pile on his lap, "We shall see."

"Goodnight, Loki. Rest when you can." He gets no reply. Not, at least, until he is at the door.

"Thank you, Thor. Goodnight." Their eyes meet when Thor turns back and Loki smiles. Thor nods and smiles back. These little exchanges are far more than he had hoped for. He had thought he would find Loki dead and bring home only remains. He had hoped to find a snarling beast that he could bring home and try, over the course of years, to possibly reach by the time they died. But Loki seems to be willing to talk, and this is the greatest gift Thor thinks he will ever receive.


	3. Chapter 3

After about a week in the infirmary, Thor decides that it is time to brighten Loki's room. Loki is still working diligently through the pile of books that Thor left by his bedside. Some are now dog-eared, read repeatedly, their margins filled with pencil notes as Loki has found new things hidden in the text. And Thor has brought him a few more books throughout the week.

Thor enters with another armload of books and stacks them on whatever free surface or stable pile he can find. Every cover is colourful.

"You bring me more to read? These look of Midgard."

"They were favourites of Jane's."

Loki is not sure what to say. On one hand, he is incredibly prejudiced against books with illustrated covers. On the other, he is deeply honoured that Thor would bring him Jane's books.

"I found the stories amusing, but there were so many things in them that referred to Midgardian culture that I did not understand. They were no less enjoyable to me, but they were treats to her, especially so far from home."

"How long did she live here?"

"Thirty years. She finished what she could with her work in Midgard and came here to study with our people. She was brilliant. She never stopped being curious."

"And she brought her books with her?"

"This series, yes. She said there was something about them that satisfied her homesickness."

Loki examines the cover of the top book, "'The Colour of Magic'- is this a book on sorcery?"

"Yes and no. You will simply have to read them. Terry Pratchett is a hard author to pin down. I think you will enjoy his writing, through. He is cheeky. Mischievous. But deeply profound."

"Then I will approach them with an open mind."

"Yes. Do not let the disregard for Midgard we were taught cast a shadow over them before you begin. I think you will be pleasantly surprised."

As Thor leaves, Loki realizes that he has just had his first literary discussion with Thor. They have never discussed books. The books Loki usually reads are far too dense to capture Thor's interests. He sets the book open on his lap aside and stares for a few moments at this new text. Jane's books. A colourful cover, a fanciful title font. A book jacket. Loki has a special distain for book jackets. But this is not his book, so he does not strip it of its clothing. He opens it and is immediately captivated by how the book seems to scream to be read aloud. The language is delicious.

The next day, Thor returns with flowers and he sets them in a vase on the one table out of Loki's reach and therefore not completely covered in books.

"Flowers, Thor?"

"Yes. Do you not know what day it is?"

"No, I do not. I lost time my first days here. I do not know precisely when I am."

"It is Mother's birthday."

"Oh..." Loki's sadness is clear, "So those would be from Mothe-...Frigga's garden."

"Yes. But why will you not call her your mother? It is clear to me that you miss her dearly and you love her still. But you will not call her by anything but her name or title. I do not understand."

"I broke her heart, Thor."

"But she always held you close. Nothing could separate you from her. Why do you act as though it could?"

"Because one thing could and did."

Thor sits on the edge of his bed, "Tell me."

"I do not wish to."

"You do not wish to, but do you need to?"

Loki wants to let his anger rule him and to tell Thor to take a flying leap, but he stops himself and instead resigns himself to the obvious, "Yes, I do. And if you repeat any of what I tell you to Odin or anyone else, I will beat you bloody the moment I am freed of this cast and contraption."

"Have I told anything to anyone yet?"

"I do not believe so."

"Correct."

"Send the guards out. And close the door."

Thor hesitates only a moment before doing as he is asked, "There. Now, why? What came between the two of you?"

"I did. She came to me in my cell- not in person, of course. Odin forbade that. But in her projection. You must remember her appearing to us during our studies? Yes?" Thor nods. "She did the same after Odin told her she was barred from visiting my cell. While she was not going to flout his decree completely, she was determined not to allow him to throw me aside. In that final conversation, I lost my temper. I shouted that Odin is not my father. And she asked if then she was not my mother. And I said no." It is clear to Thor that this is something Loki mourns. His voice wavers as he holds his hands out as though he is reaching for someone. His voice is barely above a whisper, "And then she died..." He closes his eyes and his hands fall.

It is the most vulnerable Thor has seen him in years. Possibly since they were children. He cannot help but open his arms and enfold his brother. Loki does not stiffen and resist as he expects, but instead rests his head on his shoulder and cries. Thor does not know what to say, so instead of fumbling for words, he stays silent and waits.

When Loki sits up, he has no idea what to say to Thor. He is embarrassed that he still grieves so deeply. This is not the way of Asgard's warriors. He tries to pull himself together so he can pretend that he is stronger than he is, or at least pretend that he is more distant than he is, but he cannot seem to put his mask back in place. He wipes his eyes with his sleeve and sighs, dropping back against his pillows.

"Is this what you wish to see, Thor? A broken, tired man, remorseful and full of regrets, ready to bend to your will?" He tries to muster at least a little spite or bitterness for his words, but it falls short and he only sounds weary and exasperated with himself.

"No. But I do wish to see my brother as he is, and if this grief is still this heavy on your heart, then yes. I do not want an illusion. And you will never bend to me. I would be a fool to consider that possible."

"That much is true. I am constant in my stubbornness."

"Constant in your nature. You are ever-seeking, ever-changing, and driven by your curiosity and your sense of justice."

"Again, I think you see me far more noble than I am."

Thor rests a hand on his shoulder, "No, I see you as she saw you."

He is quiet for a moment before his soft reply, "'So perceptive about everyone but myself.'"

"She was right. But you have learned much since then. I think you have begun to know yourself a little better."

"And what if I do not particularly like what I have found?"

"Then I will do what Jane called 'reframing'. Your actions show courage."

"That is not how Odin would put it."

"Odin is not the final word on who you are."

At that, Thor squeezes his shoulder and leaves. Loki stares at his hands folded over the book on his lap. There are too many memories in his head that he wishes were easier to shut out. But they keep playing. He picks up the book. 'Equal Rites'- the title is clever. This Pratchett, he thinks, was the kind of Midgardian he had thought did not exist. They had seemed so flighty, but this one...cheeky was an understatement. He escapes into the book, pushing both his confession and the memories it conjures to the back of his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

Thor has been wondering much about Loki's life during the time he was living in Midgard with Jane. Once they returned to Asgard, he had seen his brother on the throne as his father, but they spoke little and Loki's acting skills were exceptional. Maintaining the illusion had to have been exhausting. But he had done it and done it well. Loki had ignored Thor entirely, which had been exactly what Thor had wanted.

But there were gaps in his knowledge, times when things made sense only that he now knew who had been sitting on the throne. Thor had gone off adventuring after Jane's death. It was on his return that he had found a raging Odin in the throne room. He had managed to get from his father that Loki had been on the throne for years through deception and brute force and he had woken only after the spell was lifted and Loki was far away. Odin, though, had the clarity of thought to determine that he was too weak to continue to rule Asgard well. He had crowned his son and then Thor had gone to find Loki, leaving Sif and the Warriors Three to rule as a council of stewards in his absence. Odin had not been pleased. There was much yelling after Thor delivered Loki to the infirmary. And Thor had simply left the argument. He had seen little need to listen to the continual stream of defamations against Loki. He had thought Loki dead for years. To find out he was alive and yet to leave him alone was not possible. Not for Thor, at least.

As he walks back from the infirmary, he ponders Loki's confession and wonders who told him. Who told the prince in captivity that his mother was dead? His friends had been with him and he did not order the news to be passed to the dungeons. He knows it was not his father. Odin thought of nothing in those hours but Frigga.

He wanders to see Heimdall. Perhaps he saw.

Heimdall is keeping watch, as always, when he arrives, "Good day, Watcher."

"Good day, my King. What brings you to my chambers?"

"A question."

"Oh?"

"Of a moment years ago. I do not know where your eyes were focused, but perhaps you can tell me. Who was it who thought Loki ought to know of our mother's death?"

"I was watching so much then. But I think I can answer you. While it was a guard who brought him the news, it was your wife who thought to ask that he be told. She wanted to tell him herself, but she did not know the way and the guard she asked to carry the message would not take her with him."

"Jane? But she had not met him. And she only knew of him from his destruction in Midgard."

"She was a far better woman than most. You know how she valued family above so much else."

"Yes, both blood and built, as she said."

"Can you not see how she would consider it critical that Loki know of his mother's death, even though he was not of the same blood?"

"Yes, I can. Thank you, Heimdall."

"You are ever welcome, Thor."

Thor leaves. He has much to think about. There is something special to knowing that his wife considered the feelings of his imprisoned brother when he could not. That she wanted to tell him herself. That sticks particularly in Thor's mind. She wanted to tell him herself. Thor sighs. He misses her. She was always so thoughtful and gentle. He thinks that perhaps it will do Loki good to know that she thought kindly of him long before Thor had told her stories of their youth and had made the effort to introduce her to his brother and their life before Jotunheim. He will tell Loki tomorrow. For now, Loki has enough to think about without one more emotion to muddle him.


	5. Chapter 5

Loki's body is healing far more slowly than the healers expect. They have set his bones before- a broken arm as a child, a few fractured ribs as a young man, and they believe he will heal the same as any of the Aesir they have worked on, as they do not know where he was adopted from, merely that Odin brought home a child. But he does not. Nothing seems abnormal, just very very slow. And while he is occasionally bored, and has read his books again and again, and Jane's books again and again, he is relatively calm. This is also unexpected. They were prepared for the worst, Odin's warnings about an infirm Loki being a bored and unstable Loki repeated many times while Thor sought him out.

They theorize as to why he might be delayed. Perhaps it is something unknown in how he received the wounds. Perhaps they are magic. Or maybe his sorcery has impeded his healing. Or is there something embedded in his body they have missed? Thor tires of hearing these differing suppositions and finally asks if they have spoken to him. Is it possible, he asks, that it is simply because he does not want to heal?

For a few moments, the room is silent. Someone asks why anyone would not want to heal. Another asks if this means he is using magic to keep himself from mending. Thor sighs. Someone has to speak to Loki instead of guessing. He volunteers.

The next morning, there is a light knock on Loki's door and he calls for his guest to enter. An older child enters- a girl with mousy brown hair and bright blue eyes. She sits in the chair beside Loki's bed and greets him.

"Good morning."

"Hello. And who might you be?"

"Jenna."

"Your garb is too fine to be a serving girl."

She smiles, "Of course. I am your niece."

He is stunned, "I have a niece?"

"Yes."

"Are there any other children?"

"No. Only me."

"How did I not know of you? Your father lived in Asgard a good number of years..."

"Yes, he did. And while you were on the throne."

"Ah. He told you."

"Yes. And it would have been hard to miss Grandfather's anger. He was in a rage when we returned from adventuring after Mother's death. It was the first time I met him."

"Oh? That must have been terrifying."

"It was. Your magic had faded with distance and his fury was intense. It was good that you were away, Father says, or he would have killed you without though."

"That is not surprising. I have done some fairly terrible things. Stealing the throne was only one of them."

"Grandfather asks about you, you know. The time Father spent searching for you gave him space to think. He was furious at Father for leaving. He thought the quest was foolish, that you had set your own fate. But Father loves you so dearly. And I think that I reminded him of when you were both children. He does not understand, but he is trying. He is not entirely heartless."

"Did they send you to speak of these things with me knowing I would hold my temper better for a child?"

"No. I asked to come."

"You asked?"

"Father has told me stories of your spirit for years. I have been eagerly waiting to meet you. When he told me that the healers were unwilling to ask you a simple question, I asked if I could speak to you myself."

"I am still stunned I did not know you existed."

"Father asked to live his life with Mother quietly and you gladly let him. When he brought us here, you did not seek us out. Father says it was easy to keep my existence hidden. I still have not yet been presented to the realm."

"Asgard does not know her princess."

"Not yet. Father says there are far too many trappings to being a princess that would rob my childhood from me. As he has lived this, I have chosen to trust him." She tilts her head to one side, curious, "What do you think? You are a prince. You would know, too."

"I was a prince, child. I am no more. I do not know what I am, but I do not think you can go back to being a prince once you have been king."

"Nevertheless, you can still answer my question."

Loki chuckles, "You must have inherited your boldness from your mother. She slapped me the first time she met me. But yes, I agree with your father. Play. Laugh. Learn. And love everything you can so fully that you feel you will burst. And then try to stay that way when you grow up."

"Did you?"

"For a little while."

"But what happened?" She is genuinely interested.

"What has your father told you of me?"

"I know you were adopted. You tried to stop Father's coronation and things went horribly wrong in Jotunheim and Grandfather had to rescue you all. Then he said something happened on Midgard that landed you in the dungeons here and brought Grandfather's wrath. And Father retrieved you from the cells to avenge Grandmother's death. But that is all he will say, other than you fought courageously for Grandmother and for the Nine, and that you likely saved Mother's life many times over. I do not know how you took the throne, or why."

Loki does not know how much he is allowed to tell this girl. She is still very much a child, though tall and willowy. There are parts of his story he does not want to tell her, parts that might make her leave and not wish to speak to him again.

"I was not told I was adopted until after Thor's failed coronation. I discovered my birth parents were not people I could be proud of. And when I felt entirely unloved because I could not love myself, I made some terrible choices and I let my anger lead."

"Oh. Do you love yourself now?"

He sighs, not wanting to tell her the truth, "No. Not entirely. But your father has said some remarkable things in these past days, so perhaps I will some day learn to at least accept who I am."

"Father says you were a good king."

"He has told me this as well."

"He also says that you are family, whether you like it or not."

"And how do you feel about this?"

"Mother always said that family is important, whether it is blood or built."

"Oh?"

"Yes. So you are family. And you are important."

"I wish I could believe you, child."

"She thought you were family."

"Really? She hardly knew me."

"She said she always felt bad that she could not tell you herself that Grandmother had died. She really wanted to. Everyone else was so busy with their own grief, so she told the guard to take her down to see you but he said no. He delivered the message, but Mother thought it would have been better coming from one of the family and she made that very clear whenever we talked of that day."

Loki is in awe of this- he had never stopped to think about who it was who thought to have him told, "Your mother was a remarkable woman."

"Father would agree with you."

He brushes his fingers along the cover of the book on his lap, "Though we have been through much and I have tried desperately to push him aside, your father is also remarkable. Incredibly dedicated. Sometimes irritatingly so."

"He speaks equally highly of you, though he does not understand why you have done some of what you have done."

"He will. In time. Or at least I will tell him. Whether or not he understands is out of my hands."

"May I ask you something?"

"You have asked me many somethings already, but yes, you may."

"Is it because you do not care for who you are that you are not healing as quickly as the healers have expected? Do you think that you do not deserve to be well? Or that you deserve to stay hurting for longer for something you have done?"

The questions are jarring and Loki is unprepared to answer them; he stares at the book and tries to figure out if he can even answer, "I...I do not know."

"Do you think you deserve it?"

"I am not sure I ought to speak so frankly to a child."

"Well I will be quite blunt with you, so I see no problem with it. My mother never minced words with Father. I do not plan to do so with anyone."

"Even your grandfather?"

"Especially my grandfather. The look on his face when I say something he likely thinks highly unladylike is a mixture of horror and fascination. Father say it is the way he often looked at Grandmother. And you still have not answered my question."

"No, I have not. And you ought to take your father's remark as quite a high compliment."

"I do. Now. Do you believe you deserve to hurt? To heal slowly and painfully?"

"Perhaps."

"You do not want to admit it."

"Would you?"

"Likely not. But you just did, in a roundabout way."

Loki gives her a small smile, "Clever. Perceptive. And correct."

She tilts her head a little to one side, her brow furrowed in thought, "So is it possible that your own feelings about yourself would slow your healing? I haven't studied the healing arts. And maybe it is magic instead? I certainly haven't been permitted to study that."

"I do not know. Possibly. There are far to many pieces to the magic arts for even someone skilled in them, such as myself, to ever learn every aspect. I will send for books and perhaps I will find an answer for you in them."

She is delighted with this answer, "I hope you find out, and that you can find a way to heal more quickly. Father says there are many stories not his to tell and I cannot wait to know you better."

Her enthusiasm charms him; she is bright, she is curious, and she seems as devoted as her father. Which, Loki concludes, means she is also fragile and will be easily taken advantage of as she enters the world of the court. Her openness and kindness will be seen as weaknesses for those of a predatory nature. Cunning and clever people. People who play games with others. People who think like him. Loki is surprised by how deeply this thought hurts. He likes her, and somehow, though he has only just met her, he feels protective towards this bright child. Thor will not see the hurts coming, nor will he know how to spot the predators as they stalk her. Loki knows he can. He has always been better able to spot the people he ought not trust and he remembers many times in their youth when Thor was hurt by someone's manipulations while Loki avoided it simply because he saw it from afar. This was, of course, after he had been taken in by them a few times and learned the patterns to watch for. Thor would run to their father who would take care of matters. Loki, meanwhile, would lay traps of his own to either expose the meanness to the Queen and court or would simply pay them back with machinations of his own and they would leave the brothers alone out of fear.

"I look forward to knowing you better as well. But do not think I will tell you everything. There are some things in my history I wish to keep to myself, at least for now."

She stands up and gives him a hug, "You are going to be the best uncle ever."

Surprised, he returns the embrace, "I will do my best."

"I know. And that will be wonderful, because family is family, blood or built. And if you ever need or want one, I give very good hugs. Father says so."

"I can tell. I will remember this."

"Good. Now rest up. Father says I must return to my studies for the rest of the day. I have been neglecting them to climb trees in the gardens." She waves as she bounds out of the room, "Bye!"

He stares at the door and then back at his book. "Reaper Man." One of his favourites and an incredibly profound book on the nature of life through the eyes of Death. He flips to his page and skims to where he had been reading.

"Living on borrowed time..." He tries to keep reading, but cannot focus on the words. He is unsettled by the conversation with Jenna. It was possibly the most honest conversation he has had with anyone in years. There was nothing about it that felt threatening. No presumptions. No defensiveness. Just open curiosity and answers received without being damned for them. He has no idea how this happened and he is shaken by it. He closes the book and lays back on his pillows. Sleep, that is what he needs. More sleep. Perhaps things will make more sense when he wakes.


	6. Chapter 6

The evening after Jenna's visit, Thor arrives with flowers to replace the wilted ones in Loki's room. He is happy. Jenna was beaming for hours after her conversation with Loki and she chattered on and on about how excited she was to finally meet him. Thor hopes Loki was equally enthralled by his daughter.

He settles down beside his brother and taps lightly on the top of his book, "I know you are aware of my presence. I heard your irritated sigh as I entered the room."

"Of course I am, you oaf. But this page will not complete itself and the dwarves have just brought in the printing press."

"Have you not read that book at least a dozen times?"

"Hush and let me finish the page, Thor." Thor does as he is instructed. This is the Loki he remembers from long ago- irate at having reading interrupted. "Now. Hello, Thor."

"Hello, Loki."

"You have a daughter."

"Yes, I do."

"She is absolutely charming."

"That she is. And she is delighted to have finally met you."

"She is?"

"Yes. For years she has heard stories of her clever uncle who could charm his way out of any mischief and had a knack for magic and mayhem alike. Why would she not be?"

"Because I would not be delighted to meet me."

"That is because you think too harshly of yourself."

"I imprisoned-" Thor cuts him short.

"Imprisoning Father and stealing the throne is not why you loathe yourself. Be truthful, Brother. You are proud of that feat, as you ought to be. Though I would not say that aloud near him. But it is where you were born that vexes you."

"Do not think I do not feel as though I have made many mistakes. Trying to kill you after discovering my roots was a bit of an overreaction."

"Only a bit?"

"Compared to trying to take over Midgard, yes."

"True. That was not a wise decision."

"There are dark things in the universe, Thor. What is in the void is not kind. And it poisoned me further. Your books have helped clarify some of my thoughts."

"Jane would be glad to have helped."

"Jenna said it was she who thought to tell me of Frigga's death."

"She did. She once told me she regretted not insisting that I order the guard to take her to you so she could sit beside you and tell you herself."

"She would have slapped me first, of course."

"Likely. She also told me that she felt, as the only Midgardian to get to face you in such a way, she was obligated to do such. But also willing to forgive it by trusting you."

"As I told your daughter, she was utterly remarkable."

"I wish you could have known her. I believe you would have enjoyed her company."

"Well I was too busy playing Odin at the time. One more mistake..." He sets the book aside, leans back on the pillows, and then furrows his brow as something new occurs to him, "If you were here with Jane and Jenna while I was on the throne as Odin, you did not seek to tell your own father that you had a child."

"Correct."

"Why would you not tell him?"

"Because I did not want his prejudice against Midgard to taint his impression of her."

"But there would have been years for him...me...to get to know her, and to know Jane. I still do not understand. Does he not still hold the same prejudices?"

"Oh, he does...but I suspected that something was wrong when I returned here with my family. There were things you did that were not quite like Father and I did not know what was happening. I thought perhaps you were in control of him, as you has been in control of men in Midgard. But I could not be certain, as I also thought I saw you die, and so I thought it best to keep her hidden and safe."

"You thought I might harm her?" Loki is slightly hurt.

"I did not know what you would do," Thor says as he rests one of his hands over one of Loki's, "You had so much hatred for me after Midgard, even during our quest for vengeance. I have hoped for years that you still carried me close somewhere deep in your heart, but I could not know. And since I did not know, and I did not know what lengths you would go to harm me if you were behind the oddities in the Throne, I did not wish to risk my daughter."

"Do you fear me now?"

Thor searches his face for his intentions and finds only worry, "No. I am hesitant to trust you, but I do not fear you. We are rebuilding."

Loki is relieved and sighs, "Thank goodness. I have had enough of fear."

"As have I. And yet I think we both slightly fear the same person."

"You? Fear Odin? Why?"

"Think for a moment on what I have told you."

It dawns on him, "You have not told Odin who Jenna's mother was."

"Aye. He first met her upon my return from adventuring after Jane's death. I introduced her as my daughter, nothing else."

"She recounts that as a terrifying experience."

"He was in one of his moods."

Loki laughs, "His moods? She described him as being in a rage about my theft of the throne. I hardly would call that a 'mood'!"

"Perhaps I understated myself. He was quite angry."

"And yet you left her with him to come find me."

"He calmed when he saw her. Father has always had a soft spot for children. Even for you."

"Jenna said she thought that he tempered his want to kill me because she reminded him so much of both of us as children."

"She is a perceptive child. Father has remarked time and time again that she looks so much like I did."

"She is a beautiful girl, Thor. The court will seek to devour her."

"And that is why I have not introduced her to them."

"How will you answer their questions about her mother?"

"The same as I have answered Father's. I have ignored them."

"That will not work forever."

"I know. But I do not want them to treat her terribly because her mother was of Midgard."

Loki pauses, thinking, "Wait."

"What?"

"Wait. Wait until I can stand beside you as you introduce her. The court remembers my retributions for their cruelty towards us as children. I will pledge to her my skills with knives and magic until she is able to wield both herself. They will not touch her."

Thor hugs Loki, "You will do this? Honestly?"

"I would ask if I have ever lied to you, but the answer would be 'often', so I cannot...but for her, I give you my word, not as Loki the trickster, but as Loki, once king, and reportedly not a terrible one."

"Protector of the Nine."

"And of Asgard's princess."

"I think, Brother, that may be your most noble endeavour yet."

Loki smiles, then gently shoves him back, "Thank you. Now go to your supper so that I might finish this book. I like how it ends."

"Is that the one with the potato?"

"Yes. And Death."

"I like how it ends, too." Thor leaves the room and Loki retrieves his book, flips to his page, and retreats into the fantastic. He is only somewhat sure that he can live up to the task he has just set up for himself, and reading about a vampire photographer and a war of the printing presses seems like a good way to temper the rising panic that he will somehow fail.


	7. Chapter 7

By the time Loki begins to walk again, a few steps in his room to the door and back, Jenna is visiting him every other day. She likes to read with him from her mother's books and has insisted on dramatic readings of all her favourite parts.

She shows up to one of her visits with another stack of books in her arms, "You can't keep these here forever. I want them back because I love them even more than Terry. But I think you'll like them, too."

He looks at the cover art, "I've seen this author's name before."

"Yes, you have. He's on 'Good Omens'. He was one of Terry's friends."

"This Neil Gaiman- does he write equally humourous works?"

"No. Darker. Some of it really is quite funny, but there's something more sinister about many of Neil's stories. Mother loved his books. I want to read some of them with you."

"Oh?"

"Yes. We'll start reading together and then you can read whatever you wish between visits, but the book we're reading I want you to wait on. We'll do a bit each time."

"And what book are we to start with?"

She hands one to him, "This one."

"'The Graveyard Book'. Is it about the dead?"

"Yes. And no. And something else entirely."

"Oh my. This sounds complicated."

"Everything Neil wrote is complicated."

"And you wish to read this out loud?"

"Yes. We'll read a bit to each other, switching off."

He shrugs, unsure how this will work, or if it will work at all, and she opens the cover and points to the first page, "There. Start there." So he does. And he finds the language all the more incredible when spoken out loud, even in such a dark book.

Jenna's visits increase to once a day while they are reading. Thor stops by once in a while to check on them and they both give him an irritated look when he interrupts. He is amused that his daughter reacts the same way his brother does.

Sometimes he visits Odin while Jenna and Loki read, but when he does, Odin often tries to warn him about the terrible things that Loki could be doing to her and it takes all his willpower not to let his anger rise. Every time that he walks by the room, they are reading to one another and there is nothing sinister about their activities. They are solely focused on their books, Jenna wedged beside him on the bed, his arms around her as they read together.

Odin does not stop with Thor, though. He warns Jenna of Loki's treacherous nature and, while Thor is holding court, explains to her in detail just what Loki did when he found out he was adopted and where he was adopted from. He tells her of Loki's invasion of Midgard using the Chitauri creatures and he tells her of Loki's actions to take the throne. The conversation leaves Jenna confused and she is quiet when Thor returns. Too quiet. He asks her if she would like to take a walk in the gardens with him and she nods.

Once they are well hidden deep in the garden's labyrinth, she asks, "Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"All of it. What Grandfather said about Loki? That he tried to kill you and destroyed a small Midgardian town? That he fell from the Bridge willingly? That he tried to destroy Midgard with the Chitauri? That he was brought back in chains to be executed and it was only Grandmother's grace that saved him? That he stole away with you for vengeance but came back to steal the throne and violently overpowered Grandfather to do it?"

Thor sighs and sits on a bench facing her, "Yes, it is." He takes her hands as she starts to cry, "But I have always believed the best of him. He hurts deeply from what he sees as a betrayal of family and yes, he sought always to be better than we were, to prove himself one of us or greater. But did Grandfather tell you of his actions while king?" She shakes her head. Thor tells her of the Infinity Stones, of the Gauntlet, and of Thanos. He tells her of Loki's attempts to thwart his efforts to collect the stones, stories he has discovered while looking into their whereabouts these past weeks. He tells of Loki's final encounter with Thanos and of his own entrance into the fight, Loki shattered and pummeled, but still trying to fight for his life and for the universe.

Jenna wipes her tears, "But I like Loki...and Grandfather says he is so horrible. And then he did everything else? And he's not even one of us?"

"Little Love...he is one of us. Do you remember what your mother said?"

"Blood or built, a family is still a family."

"Exactly. And we have built our family with him."

"But why would Grandfather say such things? And why did no one tell me before?"

"I did not tell you because I wanted you to know your uncle for what he is now, not what he was at his worst. Your grandfather has not seen the man Loki was while on the throne. He has not seen his quest to keep the Infinity Stones from Thanos. He has not seen how Loki has spoken to you or to I since we returned. He only remembers the worst because it was what he saw last."

"But why tell me? When I am just getting to know Loki and he's so much fun?"

"Because he worries that Loki will turn against us and that he will hurt you." Thor hates saying this. It feels as though he is putting thoughts in her head, making her wary where she should not be.

"He wants to drive us apart. But you let me stay with him."

"That is because I take him at his word when he tells me that he seeks to protect you."

"What do I tell him?"

"You may tell him whatever you wish."

Jenna sighs, "I think I need to go talk to him right away."

He stands and takes her hand, "Then we will do so. Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Yes. But don't say anything unless I need help. I want to do this myself."

Thor walks with her, hand in hand, to Loki's room. He is reading a collection of short stories and looks up when they both enter.

"I did not expect you so late. Do you wish to read, Jenna?"

"No. Not right now. But I need to say something and it isn't likely to be pleasant for either of us."

Loki is concerned, "Oh? Have a seat, if it will help."

Thor stays by the door, but Jenna pulls the chair close to Loki and sits in it, her feet tucked under her, "Grandfather told me a lot today. Father says he did it to try to protect me, but it seems like a pretty horrible way to do that. He told me about the little town and the Destroyer. And he told me about falling. And about Midgard and Chitauri and Grandmother's death. And about a pretty awful takeover."

Loki can barely look at her, "Oh..."

"And I think he wants to keep me from visiting."

"Yes, it would seem that way." His hands shake a little as he fiddles with the edge of the book clutched in his hands.

"Father told me about Infinity Stones and Thanos and the things you did to keep the whole world safe."

"More than just this world, child. All worlds. And even the places in between."

"Grandfather told me you were born of Jotunheim."

Loki winces hearing it in her voice, "It is true."

She hugs him, "I'm going to try to do my best to forget a lot of it because Mother was right, blood or built, we're still family."

He lets go of the book and holds her tight, "Thank you, dear girl."

She kisses his cheek before standing straight, "You're welcome." She looks through the pile of books, "Can I read one to you? It's a short one, but it's a favourite. And it's super creepy."

"And you like this super creepy story?" He cannot quite understand how quickly she has jumped to the story instead of continuing their talk of all Odin told her. "And you are still comfortable reading with me?"

"Yep."

"Is your father lurking at my door for a reason?"

"No." She snuggles next to Loki to read, "He can take the chair. We have an audience."

"And you truly have no reservations? No changes in our routine because of your grandfather's revelations?"

"No. Not if you swore to protect me."

"I did."

"Then we're good to go. Now hush. It's time for 'Click-Clack the Rattle Bag'."

"Even the title is terrifying."

She smiles and grins, "Good. The story is short, but be prepared to be listening for the things that to bump in the night." She takes a deep breath and reads. Loki glances over at Thor- Thor is smiling and leaning forward in the chair, listening intently and he realizes that of all the things Jane brought to Asgard, the most valuable to him was not her books, but her strong belief that blood or built, family is family.

And Jenna is right- long after they have left and the lights are turned out, he is listening for that gentle click-clack, eyes wide in the dark, looking for things he wouldn't expect.


	8. Chapter 8

When Loki is healed enough to walk a little on his own with the help of a sturdy staff (mostly at Thor's insistance), he is moved from the infirmary to his own rooms. He has not inhabited them for many years and Thor has ordered them cleaned and aired in advance. He is still under strict orders to rest most of the day, but he is happy to settle onto his own soft bed, the sheets crisp and sun dried. The king's quarters were far more miltary, harsher, and colder. He sleeps immediately and when Thor and Jenna enter with a cart full of books, they do not disturb him, instead slipping them onto the tables around his bed as silently as possible before leaving. He never stirs during their delivery, the bed far too comfortable to wake from.

When he does rise, it is dark and he is frustrated that he has slept so long and is now going to be up all night. He mopes for a while and then notices the books piled around his bed. This calms him and he selects one of the Gaiman books- "Trigger Warning"- there is a short story in it that Jenna has been begging him to read, one about vengeance, or perhaps justice, found in a cave. And he is intrigued that she loves it so when she says it is absolutely horrifying. After their first meeting, he had tried to imagine all the things the princess would like and, he has discovered, most of his suppositions were wrong. She does like to dress up fancy, but she prefers climbing trees and reading her mother's novels to handcrafts and social graces. She is blunt, she is curious, and she likes him, which is something he was certain was not going to happen.

He is surprised when there is a knock on his door, "Enter."

"Good evening, Brother."

"Ah. Thor. I should have guessed. Who else would seek me this late in the evening?"

"Only one who knows you have been sleeping all day."

"Fair point."

"Jenna was excited to deliver both your books and Jane's books. She asks that I remind you that the Gaiman will be returing to her shelves once you have read it all and while you are free to ask to borrow it, it lives with her."

"She certainly is fond of this author."

"Yes, she is. She has two copies of 'Good Omens', as her mother would not let her take the signed copy up in the trees."

"Signed?"

"By the authors. Jane met Sir Pratchett late in his life and not long after, Mr Gaiman. She adored them. That book was one of her most prized posessions."

"I assume Jenna has not lent me that copy."

"Correct. That copy rests beside her on the nightstand. I doubt it will leave it for quite some time."

Loki hesitates to ask, but his curiosity gets the better of him, "Did Jane pass peacefully?"

"Yes. At the end of a very long life for her people. There was no violence, no harm, just a slipping away. And she was happy." Thor tries to smile, but he has not talked about Jane to anyone except his daughter and it is still difficult to say out loud that she is gone. He clears his throat, "Well. I have supper in the gardens for you if you care to join me."

"Supper sounds delightful. As do the gardens at night. I love how the fragrances linger on the cool air."

They walk slowly. Loki feels he is ready to return to some sort of normal pace and routine. He humours Thor, though, knowing that he will be lightly chastised if he tries to move more quickly. Then he would become impatient with Thor's doting and would snip and ruin the evening with his harsh reaction. So instead, he stays slow, and uses the staff Thor has given him.

When they arrive in the garden, there are twinkling lights suspended in the air above them and smaller sparkles amongst the flowering shrubs. Loki has seen it this way only a few times before, and always with his mother. He sits as Thor pulls out his seat and Thor settles in across from him.

"I remember how much this setting enthralled you."

"It still brings a sense of awe. What is the occassion?"

"You are back in your quarters and, so far, have shown that you are healing in many ways. I am proud of you, Loki. I thought to make this first supper a little memorable."

As Thor uncovers steaming dishes, Loki lets his eyes wander, taking in the beauty of the gardens under the shimmering lights, "Is this still her enchantment?"

"Yes."

"How has it lasted this long? And how does it come and go? It was not here when I was in the garden as king."

"I do not understand how she made it return after her death, but I found that when I need this reminder, it is here. Jane loved it. She used to sing this song to Jenna here." He takes out a small black rectangle and pushes a few buttons on it. A song that seems to twinkle like the lights begins and the lights respond to it, their shimmer seeming to keep the music's time.

"Is this a children's song? It sounds as though it could be."

"No. Midgardian pop music. The band called themselves Owl City. The lyrics do not entirely make sense, but she thought it was sweet and the garden appears to like it as well. And the enchantment resembles lightning bugs."

Loki is lost in the entire experience- he eats small bites, distracted by the lights and sound, and Thor watches him, happy that he can elicit this reaction in his so long-distant brother. When the song ends, the lights continue flickering as though it were still playing. Loki finally looks to Thor and notices there is a glimmer to his eyes- tears. Thor brushes them away, knowing he is watching.

"It moves you deeply."

"Yes."

"Remembering Mother or remembering Jane?"

Thor stops his fork in mid air, surprised, "You called her 'Mother'."

"Amidst all this...how can I not?" He is feeling misty himself and his voice cracks a little. He sips his wine and pretends it did not happen. But it did. There is far too much on his mind to ignore that he misses her dearly, even after so many years. "And you still have not answered by question. Which is it that moves you?"

"If you are observant, you will discover your answer."

"You do not wish to talk about it."

"Possibly. Or perhaps there are things still difficult to put into words."

And that is when things click in Loki's mind. The black strand in Thor's braid. The chain around his neck he has glimpsed carrying a delicate gold ring. The music. Jenna's deep need to hear the stories her mother loved read aloud. The timeline. "Jane has not yet been gone a year." Thor's face gives his confirmation, "Oh... I am so sorry. I have broken every bit of decorum we have for grief and mourning.". He sighs and rests an hand over his lips as if to stem his urge to apologise again.

"You did not know. Intentionally, I might add."

"But why? Why did you not tell me this so that I could allow for the proper distance?"

"I have had no one to speak of her with other than my daughter. I did not want the silence that our customs dictate. It is far too cold."

"But Jenna...there are things family is supposed to do to fill the needs of a father missing the child's mother. Has anyone done such things for you?"

"No. I have not let the few people who know take those roles."

"Who knows? Not Odin."

"Correct. Not Odin. But Sif and the Three know. They had to. They knew her. And they helped us in our seclusion."

"Jenna's enthusiasm for my storytelling... Jane read her those books. She craves the stories."

"Yes. My stories are of a different kind."

"I have been so consumed by thoughts of myself that I did not see."

"I did not want it to be too obvious, Brother. You have nothing to feel bad about."

"But still... I have, according to our customs, sinned greviously in my lack of observance."

"And I say you have not, as I intentionally kept it from you."

"Does Jenna like our time together because I am her uncle, or because I can fill a need created by the death of her mother? Is that why she so readily ignored my transgressions? Because I can weave the worlds for her as her mother did?"

Thor sees the wheels turning in Loki's head and knows that his answer, as well as Jenna's future actions, will either help Loki continue to feel part of the family or will cause him to retreat away from it and that thought terrifies him, "I believe it is becaues she enjoys the time with you. You are inquisitive in the same way she is. A scientist like Jane. I do not deny that, to her, you are a bit of a curiosity. She has never met one so skilled with the magic arts. Her grandfather refuses to teach her, so she is left to read about them and to guess what they are like. We...Sif, the Three, and I, have told her so many stories that she likely sees you as a living legend. Reading to her, she saw you had the same spark Jane did; you become a person, just like her mother was. And thusly, family."

"You do not think she was saying 'blood or built' simply to convince herself that I am family after she learned what I have done?"

"I have talked to her about how much it hurt you to discover the secret of your adoption. She was asking questions, trying to better understand what she was told. She does not want to believe her grandfather's anger. So no, I do not. She only wants to see you as her kind uncle."

"And Odin has poisoned that."

"She and I have since talked extensively about who you have been at your best, rather than the short time you have been at your worst. Her grandfather's actions are those of a man who has not seen you for years and last remembered your darkest days. You ought remember that, too. Father never saw your actions on the throne."

"And yet he acts as though my nature is static. As though I have always been wicked and never will be anything but."

"He acts out of his own anger in the same way you once did-concerned only with the feeling and the moment with no thought for the future."

Loki stares at his plate and then drops his fork, a little exasperated that the revelation had not come earlier, "Damn it, Thor, you are right. I've learned from him, haven't I? This entire time, we have both simply been escalating this into a war of wills that cannot be won."

"As Jane would have said, 'when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object...' that is what you two are."

Loki laughs ruefully, "Oh, indeed." He retrieves his fork and continues with supper, "Aren't we a fine mess."

"Yes, yes we are. A gloriously fine mess."

"You with the father you cannot even tell of your wife..."

"And you with your horrible insecurities about your place in this world."

"And both of us trying to do our best for Jenna all the while."

"And do not forget, Brother, that she has to contend with a grandfather who is blinded by more than just his lack of an eye. Though he has expressed a wish to understand you."

"Well he is doing a terrible job trying."

"Very true. But I hope I am faring better than he."

This time, Loki's smile is a happy one, "By far. And while I wished I knew Jenna far sooner, I am so grateful you have allowed her time with me. She is light."

"He will figure out who her mother is eventually. It is no secret Jane was here, studying. We were married by Midgardian customs, though, not of this realm. He will likely consider Jenna an illigitimate child."

"You are king. You decide legitimacy."

"But it will change how he treats her."

"And I swore to protect her from harm. Even from him. If he dares lift a finger or say a snide word against her, if he dares hurt her in any way, I will make it clear to him that not only do I intend to uphold my promise at all costs, but that he is not exempt from it."

"You would face Odin in this way?"

"Yes."

"Yet you fear speaking to him about yourself."

"That is different. I cannot place how, but it is different."

Thor is grinning as he sips his wine and then shakes his head, "Loki, Loki, Loki...it is good to have you back. I have missed you."

"And I you, Thor. And I you."

They finish supper and walk slowly inside, both quiet, both content. There is still a long way to go, and Thor knows this, but Loki is at least trying to move forward only. He knows Jenna will help this process- she is someone else to carry on for. Someone he knows his brother will not risk losing.


	9. Chapter 9

When Jenna comes for her next visit, Thor is with her. He settles in at Loki's desk with paperwork. Jenna climbs up next to her uncle on the couch and hands him a book.

"You bring something new?"

"Yes. But it is short. Then we will read 'Neverwhere'- one of the Gaiman books."

"I have seen its cover. It looks intriguing."

"It is. I think you will like it."

"I have liked all the books both you and your father have brought me thusfar."

"Good."

Loki calls to Thor over his shoulder, "Staying to hear the stories today, are you?"

"Indeed."

"You look quite kingly with your royal papers. Is there a reason my desk is more suited than your own?"

Thor taps his pen twice on the edge of the desk, "Father is in a mood. Were he to see that I had left Jenna here alone, he would likely come to her rescue."

"So you bend to his will?"

"No. His will is an end to your storytelling sessions. I choose my battles. And today, I have work to do instead of fight him."

"Ah. I see." Loki is quiet for a moment, and a little sad. Jenna cuddles beside him and he puts his arm around her shoulder and hugs her.

"It's OK, Uncle. Grandfather will come around."

"Given our history...I wish I were so certain."

She pushes her book into his hands, "Will you read what I bookmarked?"

"A short story?"

"Yes. A long short story. Perhaps even a novella."

He looks at the battered pink and black paperback, "'Four Past Midnight'- Stephen King. I do not believe you have brought this King before."

"I haven't. Far too much of it is more frightening than I like. But this one is good. And it's still creepy."

"You and your creepy, child."

"Did you read 'Truth is a Cave'? Did you like it?" She is excited, anticipating his response.

"I did." She claps with glee, "It was, indeed, creepy. And very good. I read it three or four times just to pick up on the masterful subtle details that led up to the final action. I am even more so looking forward to our reading of 'Neverwhere' thanks to it."

"I am so terribly excited to hear you say that! But first, King. Here, this one- about the garden." She slips her fingers between the pages and opens to the story, "Read."

And, on command, he does. And she is right, it is delightfully creepy. So creepy that he thinks he might not want to turn the lights off when he goes to bed hours later. He is amazed that she is so thrilled by these stories.

"How is it that I do not want to turn out the lights after reading some of these things and yet you are so eager to have them read to you?"

"Because my mother was so clear that stories are simply stories, not the truth. And anything can be in a story. So they are more thrilling than scary." She smiles and winks at him, "But I will likely sleep with a lamp lit tonight." She bounds from the couch into his bedroom and returns with "Neverwhere" tucked under her arm, "Now, this one!" She plops down on the couch and snuggles close, "Books are magic."

"That they are. Might I ask what it is about these two authors that you love so dearly?"

She fiddles with the edge of the book, "They were Mother's. And they're really good stories. When she would read a chapter at a time, I would beg for her to read more every night. I loved hearing them. She loved them, too, and you could tell."

"And why do you wish for me to read them to you? Do you not prefer the memory of how the words sounded from her?"

"No, I'll always remember how she read them. But the stories are magic, too. Not just Mother. And I need the stories themselves, too. And you read them so well that it just makes them all that much more special."

Loki smiles and ruffles her hair, "Dear girl, you are delightful."

Thor is listening to the conversation carefully. He is so proud of his daughter and how open she is. Her mother did well to raise her in two worlds, teaching her of all the different kinds of people. It was something that Thor thought simply amazing about Jane- she always considered how a person's past could shape their present. Late at night, long after Jenna was asleep, he had shared his feelings about Loki's death with her, and his regrets that he could not reach his brother before his death. And in those moments, Jane had always talked about Loki as a person who felt deeply, hurt deeply, and loved deeply, even when he was loathe to admit it. Thor had taken to thinking the same way. When he returned from adventuring with Jenna and found that Loki was alive, but gone off to fight a battle on his own that he was highly unlikely to win, Thor had been taken back to these discussions while he searched. And when he found Loki, all he could think of was how much he missed him, and wonder if, somewhere under all the magic, blood, and bitterness, Loki had missed him, too. Hearing him call him "Brother" had made him certain that he did and that they could rebuild. Jane's voice telling him that Loki was still the same person, just a very broken version of it, echoed in his memory frequently.

And Jenna has so much of her mother's spirit. So much of that acceptance and gentleness. There will be repercussions for things done now, but the past...Jane had been so adamant that the past was a shaper of the present, but not the final word on it. It could be laid to rest, just like the dead, and, if it needed to be, it could be forgotten. Or forgiven. Or healed from. There were always options.

Thor returns to his paperwork and listens in on the story. A man named Richard carries an oddly named girl, Door, to his apartment. And then some very creepy men show up. That Richard then disappears from his own life seemes very strange to Thor, but these Midgardian authors had brilliant stories tied to the most uncanny and imaginative occurrences. He had read the book many years ago and only somewhat remembered something about an angel, the two creepy men, and a journey to an opposite underground version of London. But there were many details he had forgotten and Loki's storytelling is entrancing. He glances over to the couch. Jenna is snuggled against him, following along with the story, utterly delighted.

Thor hopes this peace will last. Loki being content is something so rare that it is precious and he will protect it at all costs.


	10. Chapter 10

Thor and Jenna leave Loki's quarters for supper. Odin meets them in the dining hall.

"You were with him again this afternoon, were you not?"

Jenna nods, "Yes. I had a story I needed to hear. Father reads them well, but Uncle reads them better."

"And what stories might those be?"

Jenna is careful with her words, "Ones my mother left me."

Thor sighs wistfully. Jenna lowers her eyes. This is part of the act they put on to keep Odin from asking questions. When Thor returned from adventuring with Jenna, Odin's rage was so intense that Thor feared telling him anything of his life with Jane. Their time together had been hidden from view, the scientists she worked with knowing only that she was under the protection of the prince and, as a guest, was living in the king's cottage on the edge of the royal hunting ground. The hunting ground was walled from the city, and no one dared to intrude. Jane told her colleagues she had requested to live there so she could observe the stars away from the city lights. No one had asked any other questions. Keeping their relationship from Odin had not been difficult then, nor was it now.

When Thor had found his father raging against Loki, calling for vengeance. he had kept Jenna behind him until his father was calm enough to notice he was in the room. Then he had introduced his daughter, noting only that her mother had recently died. Jenna had genuinely cried at the reminder. She looked so much like her father and her grandmother. Odin had been struck by her eyes, so much like Frigga's. When Thor finally was able to piece together what had happened, he asked Odin to watch the girl while he was gone. Odin obliged without question. Out of courtesy to her, he had not asked Jenna questions during her father's absence. In the past months, he had been attempting to find out more of her parentage, but to no avail. Even Sif and the Three had said avoided his questions. They said Thor had kept his private life very private after he returned from stopping the destruction of all things during the Convergence. It wasn't really a lie.

And that is where Odin's memory ends- he remembers Jane, Loki, and Thor going to Svartalfheim. He was told of that. But he knows nothing of what happened on that barren land, and word never reached him as to what happened in Midgard, either. Heimdall told him that there was a battle, and that Thor defeated Malekith, but when he asks of the Midgardian, Heimdall is silent. Odin assumes that she likely died. No being as fragile as a Midgardian could survive the Aether.

He has put together some of what Loki did on the throne. Thor has told him of Thanos and the Infinity Stones. Odin thinks Loki is an idiot for giving away anything from the vaults for any reason, even preservation of himself. But Thor downplays this every time the subject comes up. It only somewhat works to stop the impending rant.

So at supper, he lets the conversation about Jenna's mother end, "Ah. Those stories. And does your uncle enjoy reading them?" His voice hesitates on "uncle"- he still does not approve of Thor taking Loki back into the family so readily.

"Yes. He does. The stories and company brighten his day considerably."

"Be careful, Jenna. He is a master of manipulation."

"And I ask no more of him than to read stories."

Odin turns to Thor, "Do not leave them alone."

"Loki will not hurt Jenna. He has sworn to protect her, Father."

"And his word is worth less than a cesspit to me, Thor. You know this. And you know why."

"I do. And I think it an unfair judgement, but your experience is your own to base your interactions with him on. I only ask that you allow for change in him. He spent so little time ruled by his anger out of the span of his life."

"It is the scale of the thing, Thor. I wish I could understand why he has done what he has done. I want to speak to him."

"Can you hold your temper, Father?" It is a question Thor would not have asked years ago when his father was king and strong. But Odin stands less tall than he once did, a slope edging into his spine as he reaches his last years.

"I do not know."

"Then you will not visit. Not yet. He still thinks the worst of you in some ways, and I do not wish you to reinforce that and destroy all the progress he has made."

"And you think me incapable of being reasonable."

Thor shakes his head, "No. I think you still hurt to badly to listen to him. So a conversation would be meaningless."

"And what about him?"

"For a short time, he was king. It has changed his understanding."

"That does not make him reasonable."

Jenna sits quietly and listens to them argue. She hates these conversations. She finishes her supper quickly and asks to be excused. Her father grants her this and she flees the room with Odin calling after her not to visit her uncle alone. She goes to the chambers she now shares with her father and goes to the room where her mother's belongings are stored. She finds the battered jeans jacket hanging on the footboard of the bed and slips it on. It is too big, but she does not care. She huddles down below the window next to the telescope and cries. Keeping the secret from her grandfather is work she does not like doing. She has talked to her father, but he thinks that Odin will only bring old prejudices to their relationship if he does not first know Jenna well. Because of this, she feels like she has a connection to her uncle- she does not belong in Odin's version of Asgard. While she likes that her father, as king, can change things, and is working to make the realm more open, she knows there are others like her grandfather in positions of power. Her title and parentage will protect her, but that is little reassurance. She does not want to be left alone because someone fears her father. There are may days she wishes they still lived in the cottage surrounded by trees with the stars bright in the dark of night.

She does not bother to stand up, but crawls over to the bookcase. The lower shelf is filled with children's books. She selects one of her favourites- "Oh the Places You'll Go!"- and reads it out loud. She does not quite like how it sounds. There is something wrong with her cadence. So she starts again, thinking about how Loki reads, and how her mother read. And then she reads it again. Then she sadly puts it back on the shelf and settles down on the bed. She tucks her hand under the pillow and rests it on something cold. A prestigious award her mother had won in Midgard for contributions to science. It has been under the pillow since it was moved from the cottage. Jenna put it there. She falls asleep as it warms to her touch, a reminder and a comfort.


	11. Chapter 11

Thor has often found Jenna asleep in her mother's bed. He is not surprised when he finds her there yet again. He tucks the blankets around her, kisses her forehead, and returns to his desk. There is still work to be done and it is not yet late.

Meanwhile, Odin has become tired of waiting. His conversations with Thor never go anywhere. He goes to Loki's chamber and enters without knocking. Loki is stretched out on a couch, absorbed in a book. This is not something that surprises Odin. Seeing him there, though, surprises Loki and he startles, catching the book as it falls from the couch.

"You did not knock."

"No."

"And you see no need to? I am still yours to command?"

Odin realizes that he has started the conversation off poorly, but he does not back down, "No, not to command. But I am still your elder."

"Why have you come?"

"To discover what you are."

"I am Loki. I am here. And I would like you to leave." Odin can hear the tension in Loki's voice.

"No."

"Shall I call for Thor so that he might show you the door?"

"No."

"Then if I cannot be rid of you, speak your piece quickly so that I might return to 'Good Omens'- the man just delivered the message to the Horsemen and I do not wish to stop reading."

"I have never heard of that book."

Loki realizes he is on thin ice- there is a balance here between revealing enough to get rid of Odin and revealing too much and giving away the family secret, "Thor collected books for me when he came to search for me."

"From other realms."

"I do not suppose he needed to spend much time looking in this one."

"He has easily accepted you as his brother. Have you done the same for him?"

Loki tenses; it is a question he feels trapped by, "Possibly."

"Only possibly?"

"I think my heart is mine and mine alone to know. I do not have to share it with anyone."

"The last thing I remember of you before imprisonment is betrayal. You will have to share some of it if you wish for me to trust that you are not the man you once were."

"And why should I do such? When Thor found me, he told me that my story was mine and mine alone to share. He assured me of this, told me that no one knew what was not general knowledge. There were things he had not even told Sif and the Three. And yet when you had the opportunity, you did the opposite and shared my most painful secret with a child. If I have learned betrayal, it was because it was taught well." Loki's anger is barely under control and his words grow in intensity as he speaks, "I had found someone so untainted by the world that she accepted me because I existed, not out of fear or obligation. Someone so enthralled by the written word and stories that she trusted me to read her the tales her mother once read her. And you had to poison that. To attempt to destroy it by telling her of my worst actions. Of all the things you have done, of all the things I have considered betrayals, that stabs most deeply."

"More than any other?"

"Yes."

"Than not telling you of your parentage?"

"Yes."

"Than allowing no one you knew to tell you in person of your mother's death?"

"Yes."

This surprises Odin and he finds himself wondering if this is an act, "What do you mean to gain by lying to me?"

Loki glares, "Get out."

Odin sees something in Loki's eyes that almost scares him and he leaves.

Loki retrieves his book and tries to read. His concentration is gone. He flops the book on his face and sighs, then mocks screaming soundlessly into it. He tosses the book on the table and wonders if Thor has left anything in his liquor cabinet.


	12. Chapter 12

When Thor goes to ask Loki to join him for breakfast, he does not expect to find Loki very much drunk. But he does. Loki is sprawled on the floor, bottles surrounding him, not asleep, but also not very awake. It appears as though he has spent the night drinking. It is so unexpected that Thor immediately guesses that there is only one person who could have triggered this and he is livid. But first he has a brother to care for. He pries the final bottle out of Loki's fingers as Loki is trying to drink from it. More spills over him than reaches his mouth. He mumbles something as Thor hoists him up and deposits him on his bed and then places a basin on the nightstand, just in case. He moves all the books farther away as well. On the other nightstand, he puts water and towels along with a note to send for him when he wakes and is ready.

Thor seeks out Odin.

"Father, what have you done?"

"I did nothing."

"Then why is my brother drunk to the point of unconsciousness? He has been up all night."

"His failings are not my problem, Thor."

"You did not speak to him?"

"I did."

"After I asked you to wait?"

"I was once his father. I have no need for you to dictate what I can and cannot do."

Thor represses the urge to fling whatever Odin is writing on the floor and stab him with his pen, "You will tell me what you said."

"I asked him to share some of his heart so that I might trust him."

"And?"

"He told me I taught him betrayal."

"And this is all he said?"

"In a much more winded fashion, yes."

Thor does not believe his father, but he also knows that he will get nowhere questioning him. He leaves, slamming the door behind him.

When he returns to his own quarters, Jenna is waiting, "Is he coming?"

"No, child. He cannot."

Her face falls, "What happened?"

"Your grandfather went to speak to him last night. Whatever was said between them, Loki decided to drink it away after. He was still drinking when I arrived."

"He will not wake until supper."

"Likely."

"Will he be OK?"

Thor sits down and takes her hands, "I think so, yes. But I must find out what upset him so and that might not be something he wishes to say in your presence."

"Then perhaps you can speak of such things after I have gone to bed."

"I think that would be wise."

Jenna sighs, "I suppose then it's waffles for two this morning."

"Yes, my dear girl, but let us make the best of it. They will still have whipped cream, whether for two or three."

Loki wakes early evening and does not remember how he got to his own bed. He turns over and notices the water and towels, then looks to the other side and sees the basin. He knows this is Thor's work. He has done this for him before. Loki slowly sits up, drinks the water, and goes to shower. When he returns, he reads the note and sends for Thor.

When Thor arrives, Jenna is with him. She walks quickly to Loki and throws her arms around him in a huge hug. Loki holds her tightly.

"I am sorry to have missed breakfast."

"Father told me you were quite upset. And drunk. I am sorry you felt so badly. Next time, get hugs instead."

He laughs, "You are a delight. I will do my best to try hugs first."

"Mother always said hugs were far better than anything else for helping someone to feel better. That and freshly baked bread."

"Mmmm, I think she may be right on both counts."

"Can we read for a little while before supper?" The question is aimed both at her uncle and father.

"I think there is time for a bit," Thor answers. Loki lets himself be dragged to the couch and they settle down for more of "Neverwhere"- Thor pulls up a chair and finds himself leaning forward to listen. The story is almost musical when Loki reads it. Then Jenna stops him and begins to read to him instead. Thor wishes for a moment that she would let Loki read, believing that the lyric quality of his voice is what makes the story so interesting, but he is surprised to find that she is becoming a good reader as well.

After a little while, Thor interrupts at a chapter break and they take supper together in Thor's quarters. It is nothing elaborate, but Loki appreciates the simplicity of a dinner with family that does not dissolve into an argument and at which no one makes him feel inferior in any way. He is always wary when he eats in the dining halls. When king, he often ate alone. But when he was not, when he was merely a prince, there were so many times he was corrected for something or chastised for his day's activities while sitting at the dining table, the one place where the family congregated throughout the week. Too many times he ate in uncomfortable silence while his mother tried to coax the conversation back to life. But not here. Not at Thor's table with Jenna. These suppers are filled with stories and laughter and, even when the conversation becomes serious, there is always an understanding in them that he has long missed.

After supper there is more reading, and then Thor tells Jenna it is time for bed. She says her goodnights, hugs her father and her uncle, and skips off.

To Loki, he says, "Talk."

And Loki knows that this is about the night before, so he tells him everything.


	13. Chapter 13

A few days pass and Loki is avoiding Odin at all costs while Thor is trying to figure out how to navigate a world where his brother and father will not speak to one another, and likely for the best. To Thor, Jenna seems to not mind keeping these two worlds separate. She has been keeping parts of her life compartmentalized away from one another for so long that it seems only natural to her to keep them from overlapping. At least to him.

Jenna has celebrated a birthday without her mother already, and she sat silently through her mother's birthday. But this day is the most difficult of the anniversaries yet. The first anniversary of her mother's death. Her father is quiet when they wake in the morning. She knows he is thinking about Jane. She is, too. There is nothing they can say to one another to make things any easier, so instead they hug every time they see the other struggling to get through the day. After lunch, Thor is called to the throne room for an urgent conference about a small riot amongst the city's poor; Jenna heads straight for Loki's chambers.

Loki is sitting at his desk, papers spread around him, spilling onto the floor, a selection of drawing pencils scattered in front of him, when he hears her soft knock.

"Come." She does and he can immediately tell something is wrong. He puts down his pencil and turns to face her, "Jenna? Are you alright?"

"No. I'm not. Nothing about today is alright. At all."

Concerned, he leaves his desk and she meets him at the couch, "Do you care to talk about something?"

"It's Mother's deathday."

"Oh..." He opens his arms and she cuddles close, crying, "I am so sorry, child. So, so sorry."

"I can't talk to Father about all that is in my head. I know, we knew she would die, but that doesn't make it better. It just takes the edge off the surprise."

He holds her tightly, "Tell me what you need to say. I make no promises I can do anything but listen."

She wipes her eyes on her sleeves, "I don't want to hide Mother anymore. I am so tired of having to avoid conversations about her. Why can't Grandfather just get over his obsession with Aesir blood? Why does Father not think love is strong enough?"

"Oh little one...I now understand better why you come to me. We share this, don't we?"

"Somewhat. Grandfather took you in knowing what you are and they raised you. He still doesn't know about me and Father seems to think he cannot know. Is it really so much worse to be of Midgard?"

He sighs; he is not sure if this is a conversation he should have or if he should leave it for Thor, "Firstly, no, it is not bad to be of Midgard. Have you said anything of this to your father?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because he cannot understand how much this hurts."

"And I can?"

"I think so. Father says you were taught to loathe what you are. And I think that is what I am learning from Grandfather...or, rather, from Father's silence. Midgardian is a problem. Thusly, I should be ashamed of being what I am."

"That is what I learned at Odin's knee, yes. The old stories made it quite clear that Jotunheim was a terrible realm with horrible monsters ruling it."

"So you at least understand that bit."

"Yes, yes I do. Jenna, it does not matter what your blood is. You are bright, you are kind, and you are the most incredible young lady I have ever known. There are those who will ignore all of that- all of the things you have worked to be- simply because of your mother's origin. This is wrong. This is what your father is trying to protect you from. He does not mean to say there is anything shameful about it, rather that there are those who are still so backwards that they cannot see the light."

"And Grandfather is one of them."

"Yes, he is. Or was, the last I knew."

"But I don't understand why..."

He takes both of her small hands, "Jenna...there are those in the court who are uncommonly cruel. They will see your kindness as weakness and seek to harm you, to twist you, using your gentle nature to do so. I know this- these are the same old families I grew up with. Your father was the target of their machinations often, as was I. But unlike your father, I learned to play their game. I cannot let you fall into their clutches. And were they to know of your mother, they would use that to their advantage. How, I do not know. But they would find a way and it would hurt you all the more deeply. I am sorry, my little love, but Asgard can be as terrible as it is beautiful."

"They do not know what you are, do they?"

"No. There are many amongst them who would call for my execution the minute they discovered it, irregard to my years as one of them. It would not matter. I am the monster they were taught to slay."

"So we both have to hide this."

"For the moment. It hurts you far more because you love your mother so dearly."

"I want to go back to the cabin. I don't want to live here anymore."

He gently rocks her, "Be strong. And trust your father. He will lay the groundwork so that one day you can claim your mother proudly wherever you are. But even kings cannot change hearts overnight."

"Uncle?"

"Yes?"

"Will I ever be king?"

He smiles sadly, "I do not know. I hope so."

"Father says the same thing. Why not? I am the only child of Thor Odinson. There should be no question..."

And Loki knows he will have to once again reveal a truth to her about Asgard that is going to hurt her and he is saddened that Thor has kept so much from her, and moreso that it is falling on him to tell her these things, "I wish I could lie to you and tell you that it is certain you will take the throne. But I cannot. There are laws- old ones, older than Odin- that dictate how kings ascend. Sons come first. Daughters second. But most tragically, no one who is not fully Aesir may sit upon the throne."

"Mother."

"I'm so sorry, child, but yes. Because of your beloved mother, our current laws do not allow you to take the throne."

"But you were king! And Father is! Why can't this be changed?" She pushes away from him and shoves back her hair, frustrated.

"I suggested it once while wearing Odin's form, but the court erupted in chaos at the thought of it. I knew your father loved Jane, and I thought, well... Thor will have to try again. Or we will have to wait until the court elders die."

"But...I don't understand why."

"They do not want a stranger from other lands claiming the throne. They do not want another realm to control this place, the seat of power for all the Nine."

Something dawns on her, "But that means you can't, either. So the line ends with Father."

"Yes. Because Odin knows and would prevent it, even if it meant revealing me to the realm."

"He would do that, wouldn't he?"

"I unfortunately think he might. I hope better of him, but I do not know. He did take me in."

"If no one knows about Mother, I could still inherit the throne, couldn't I?"

"I would not tell a soul."

"If the court found out, there ends the house of kings." Everything seems far too heavy for her. Loki feels terrible. This was not a conversation he wanted to have with her, and especially not on her mother's deathday, but she asked and lying to her seemed even worse.

"I am sorry. Truly sorry, to have been the one to tell you these things. And I am so deeply sorry that Asgard's ruling class is so entrenched in their ways that your life is complicated by this. I wish it were simpler."

She sighs and leans against him, "Thank you for being honest with me. Grown ups like to tell half truths so they don't have to say the terrible things about the world, but when we figure it out, it's just like they lied."

"I will do my best to never lie to you."

"Thank you. I miss Mother. None of this is fair."

"I know." He holds her, trying to think of some way around the messiness of the court and its prejudices. But there is no solution that would allow Jenna to be open about her mother that would not end badly. Except killing the entire court, and that feels a little extreme. But only a little, he thinks, given what this is doing to her, "You can always talk to me about her."

"OK. But right now, I just miss her. A lot. Do you still miss your mother?"

"Oh yes. Every day."

"Does it ever no longer feel like somebody ripped your heart out and punched you in the stomach?"

"It lessens, yes."

Jenna starts crying, "I don't know what to do."

He can't help it; his heart breaks for her and soon he is crying with her, "The best you can, child. The best you can."

"I wish Mother were Aesir. Not a different person, but..."

"I understand." And he hates that this means she has picked up that she is somehow less for it, and that her mother is less as well than had she been born somewhere else. Would that he could lash out at what makes her feel this way, but he knows it is more than one person, it is an entire culture that values their identity as Aesir more than they value each other, "But she was perfect the way she was, Jenna. Spirited and inquisitive. And most importantly, yours."

She huddles against him and sobs. It is not long before she has cried herself to sleep. He gently wipes her eyes with his sleeve, his own tears streaking down his cheeks as he remembers Frigga and all the things he left unsaid.

When Thor finishes sorting out the riot, he returns to his quarters to find them empty. He instinctively knows where Jenna has gone and when he knocks on the door and hears Loki's soft voice bid him to enter, he knows she has fled here on purpose. When he sees Jenna curled up against Loki and the glistening tear streaks down his face, his mind jumps to the worst possible conclusions- that Loki has hurt her, or that she has hurt herself. But he then hears her humming in her sleep and chastises himself for listening to the voice in his mind that sounds far too much like Odin. He sits down on the couch beside him.

"Your eyes are red." He wipes Loki's cheeks with his thumb.

"Yes. Your powers of observation are keen, as always."

"Is there anything you need to tell me?"

"She hates keeping her mother hidden. And I told her of the court and their prejudices, their destruction. Hiding hurts her deeply. She has begun to believe there is something wrong with her for being of Midgard, that it is shameful."

"I have tried so hard to teach her the opposite."

"Yes, but the messages around her are clear. Not telling her Grandfather out of fear of rejection...that alone is enough to make her doubt her worth, no matter how much you say it is done from love. I cannot protect her from everything, Thor. That frightens me."

"You are acting like a second father."

"I will have no children of my own, I must borrow yours."

Thor wants to ask why, but knows this is not the time, "You know he would say unkind things. Possibly not to her, but to me, and he would treat her differently because she is Jane's daughter."

"I will stand up to him for her, I have already said this."

"True. What else did you talk about?"

"She asked about the throne."

"What of it?"

"The rules of ascension."

"Oh..."

"She understands that if no one knows, she can some day rule. But is carrying on the line of kings worth what this is doing to her now? The shame she feels for her own mother? The desperate need to be able to simply speak of the things she loves? Or even to use her name?"

Thor puts his arm around Loki, "I do not know."

"Both she and I hate that answer. And you know that it would hurt her that you do not."

"It is a terrible job, to be both father and king."

Loki strokes her hair as she shifts in her sleep, "But which is most important? Will you sacrifice one for the other?"

Thor hears the rest of the question as it remains unspoken- will he be like his own father? He drops his face in to his hand, "I hope not to, Brother, but I am at a loss."

"Tell him."

"What?"

"Tell Odin of your life with Jane. If he rants about Jenna, remind him that I was once his little off-realm born child. That he claims to have once loved me as his son and if he can love the monster of our children's stories, he can love his granddaughter, possibly even more."

"This will not be easy."

"No, Thor, it will not be. But it would be far worse to lose her to herself because you did not."

"I will find a suitable time."

Loki shakes his head, "No. You will do it today. You will help me tuck her in and then you will go and talk to him. And you will report back. Then we will proceed forward together."

"As brothers."

"Yes. As Jenna's family. Whether or not he wishes to be a part of it."

The frankness of his statement is surprising to Thor, but then again, most of what Loki has said is surprising to him. He still does not quite believe how close his brother and his daughter have grown, nor does he understand how Loki has shifted so much in the past year. But then again, having spent years playing Odin, Thor thinks that he possibly found it too easy- too much like his worst nature in some ways, and he has made a conscious effort to be something else. Something that he can like. And then there has been Jenna's influence. There has been incredible growth since he started reading to her. Something of her has brought out Loki's best nature and Thor marvels at this every time he sees the two of them surrounded by books.

"Then let us tuck her in so I can do this unpleasant task on this unpleasant day."

"It is the best day for it. You will not accept his excuses today. Your heart is shattered, Thor, even I can see that. And when you are this raw, you will not let him slander either of them. That is what he needs to see, not the man who sidesteps his ramblings in order to keep peace."

"'Always so perceptive...'"

"'About everyone but myself.' Yes, I know. Mother was right. Now will you please lift her for a moment?"

"So you can make up a bed?"

"Yes. Or, rather, so I can remove the pile of laundry and books from my own so she can sleep there."

"But what if she sleeps through the night?"

"Then I have couches and enough pillows to make a bed on the floor, should I choose that instead. But she will rest most comfortably. She needs to."

Again surprised, Thor takes Jenna and follows Loki into his bedroom. The laundry tossed aside, the books heaped on a chair, they tuck her in. Loki retreats to an old trunk sitting in front of the windows. From it he brings a stuffed owl that he tucks in under her arm.

"That was Mother's was it not?"

"Yes, it was. And we both held it close when the night seemed too dark."

"I wondered where it had gone."

"I was the last to use it, so it has been here. Now hush, let her rest." He closes the curtains, turns out the light, and they leave the room.

"Right. To Father."

"Yes. To Odin. Best luck, Brother."

Thor takes a deep breath before opening the door, "Thank you. I will need it."


	14. Chapter 14

Thor is nervous. It is not often he feels this way, but facing his father and telling him that the princess, the girl set to one day carry on the line, is not fully Aesir, is something he dreads saying out loud. Odin's unpredictable anger still frightens him, though less than it did when he was a child. He wishes his mother were still alive to stand beside him. She would have been a buffer, the one to talk sense into Odin. But she is not, so he is alone and feeling so much like the scared child he once was, confessing something he had done wrong. But this time, he knows he is not wrong, only that his father thinks he is.

When Odin calls to him to enter his chambers, Thor struggles to find the words to tell him while he has come.

"You stammer, boy. Is there something you wish to say or not?"

"Yes. I...was married to Jenna's mother."

"That is not entirely a surprise."

"Her mother has been dead a year today."

"Oh?"

"She was Jane."

Odin says nothing for a moment, but when he does he is seething with quiet anger, "Your daughter is half Midgardian? You would throw away your grandfather's house for this?"

"She is your granddaughter, Father, and I ask you treat her as such."

"She cannot take your place on the throne, Thor. Will you remarry?"

"This is not the day to speak of such things. I will not simply replace the family I have for one you find more suitable."

"I cannot accept that you mated with a Midgardian."

"Then you cannot accept your granddaughter."

"No, I cannot."

"I am saddened by this, Father. You would hold a baby from Jotunheim in your arms as your own and love him dearly through his childhood, but you cannot accept a child of your own blood."

"And look how that baby turned out!"

"That baby has grown into a fine man, whether you see it in him or not." Thor has been calm, far more calm than he thought he could be. Odin's anger is still rising.

"You brought a Midgardian here to live in this realm, a mortal!"

"This conversation is over, Father. Until you can calm yourself, I will speak no more of Jane or our life together."

As Thor is leaving, Odin yells, "What did you let her do here? Did she act as your consort at court?"

"No. We lived quietly and she studied the sciences. She learned from our people and our people learned much from her as well. But we are done- goodbye." He closes the door behind him and does not look back.

Odin fumes.

Thor returns to Loki and tells him of the encounter. Loki is not surprised at how badly it went.

"At least he did not try to disown you."

"It would be hard for him to disown the king. He would be best to disown himself if he wished such. But he will not. He is too proud to be in the line of kings."

"So it seems. It is as though ruling Asgard is more important than the people he once loved. Oh, where have I heard that before..."

"Loki..."

"I am sorry, Thor. This is just far too familiar, but this time, his target has done nothing to deserve it. She has not asked to have a secret. You have asked that of her. I chose to keep mine. She would not choose the same. And she has not chosen to provoke her grandfather. I did things differently. I sought to prove myself and, in doing so, provoked his rage. She is an innocent. A child. None of this is deserved. And that hurts far more than what he did to me."

"You are remarkably insightful in this, Brother. What has changed in you?"

"I became him."

"I thought that might be part of it."

"It is all of it. I had to look at things differently, react as he would. And I do not wish to do that again, though I know I will err."

"So what do we do now for Jenna?"

"You said that Sif and the Three know of your life with Jane, correct?"

"Yes."

"Call them here. They ought to know what has been said to Odin. And perhaps they can help us keep her safe from his anger."

Thor, for the first time in the day, smiles, "You are right. We have friends who know what has happened. We are not in this alone."

"Indeed. Now go, call them. You do not know who Odin will tell and we need to secure allies for her before he turns the court against her."

"I do not think he will tell them. It would bring him shame to admit that his granddaughter cannot inherit his throne."

"I do not put anything past Odin when he is in a rage. Go, quickly. Send for them."

Thor does as Loki asks. Within the hour, as the sun has started to set, Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg, and Sif sit on Loki's couches.

"So you say that he outright rejected her because of this? That's preposterous! Not that I don't believe he would do it, but still...it seems far too harsh," says Fandral.

Hogun sighs, "It does, but at the same time, we all know the All-Father. He is much better at having others speak the hard words than having to deal with them himself."

"It seems succession is what troubles him most," Sif adds.

Thor sighs, "It is also that Jane was of Midgard. I do not think he would be so upset were she Vanir, or of Alfheim. Those races he sees as equal to us. But others..."

"Children are a gift, no matter from where they come. Your mother knew this. It is why she so readily loved your brother." Volstagg pauses, but he is not finished, "And because he did not anticipate Loki's hurt learning this, he has grown even more afraid of those unlike us."

"It likely does not help that I imprisoned him and stole the throne for a few decades. His fears of someone not of Asgard ruling this place are probably heightened."

"But why should they be?" Volstagg continues, "You ruled well, and you did not reduce Asgard to a puppet of Jotunheim. If anything, it should have assured him that someone raised here, but of another realm, could be as loyal to Asgard as anyone else."

They hear a sleepy shuffling and turn to see Jenna rubbing her eyes as she staggers from Loki's bedroom, "What's going on?"

Thor gestures for her to come to him and she does, sitting beside him, "I told your grandfather who your mother is."

Jenna freezes, "You what!?"

"Told him of Jane."

"That cannot have been received well."

"No, it was not."

"And what is everyone doing here?"

Sif answers, "Trying to figure out how to keep your grandfather from making your life difficult because of it. We must work together."

"But to do what? I mean, he's not going to stop being Grandfather. He's shown he can hold a grudge for years without any rational reason. He hates everybody he doesn't understand and I guess that includes me now." She cuddles against her father, "I wish we still lived in the cabin."

"I know."

"And it's not like I can ever be king anyway. The court's never going to accept me, so why can't we go live there? I don't want to be were everybody hates me."

Thor hugs her and Fandral reassures, "Not everyone here hates you. I don't even know that your grandfather does, or he is just too shocked to respond properly."

"I don't know. Grandfather rants about Loki and he's had plenty of time to get used to him."

"My dear, I took his throne by force and imprisoned him for decades. He has only been free a year. That is far too short a time for him to come to terms with what I have done or how I have changed."

An uncomfortable silence settles over the room until Hogun has an idea, "We need to not give him the option to reject her."

"And how would we do that?" Fandral asks, exasperated by the simplicity.

"We treat her as we always have. We will be the better people. He will see that we do not care and that he is the one leaving the entire family behind."

"But what of the court? You know they will never treat her well when they find out. And they will find out- one of Odin's rants will inevitably be heard by someone with loose lips."

This time it is Sif who answers, "The court will contend with us. For each manipulation and lie they tell, for every rumour we hear, we will cut it down. And if that means I have to spill blood...well, so be it."

Thor's eyes are wide, "No, Sif, I do not think violence against the court is a warranted reaction."

"It is better than what I thought earlier today, Brother."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I considered just killing them all. No court, no problems with them. But that would be a terrible idea. There are other things we could do to discourage them, but most of what I can think of that would be certain to be effective is rather bloody."

Thor glances between Loki and Sif, "Neither of you are permitted to take the lead on planning vengeance."

Fandral chuckles, "You do have to admit, it would get the job done."

"You, either."

"Oh, I am wounded, Thor. You assume you would be able to catch me." Fandral's smile is jesting, but Thor knows that he is also telling the truth.

Hogun interrupts, "Let us first start with the All-Father. If we can convince him quickly, then we may not have to deal with both at once. The court will also follow the All-Father's lead. Many fought alongside him in days past. They are old men. They will do as their commander orders."

"It is not the men of the court I fear most greatly," Loki says, "but rather the women. They are as cuttingly cruel as they are beautiful. Their jewels hide bitterness and poisonous words. And they will not follow the lead of their husbands. They never have."

"I cannot charm them all into submission. I have tried," Fandral winks at Thor. Thor chuckles.

"Well we cannot continue our planning on empty stomachs. Come, there is supper waiting in the hall. We can begin showing the All-Father how little the race of our princess' mother matters by taking a lively meal together. My wife and children will join us." Volstagg's smile is kindly and he nods to Jenna in an attempt to reassure her that she will be surrounded by love. It is only somewhat effective, but she still tries to smile back. The idea of leaving the sanctuary of Loki's chambers for somewhere she might possibly see her grandfather's anger is a terrifying one.

When they leave for the dining hall, she holds both her father's hand and her uncle's hand. Both men stand tall, watching for any sign of trouble. Their four friends surround them. She feels small in their presence, but also very important and protected to be escorted to supper.


	15. Chapter 15

A few days have passed since Thor told Odin of his relationship with Jane. He has been carefully avoiding his father and even more careful to keep Jenna from him. On this day, he has kingly business, so he leaves Jenna with Loki in the library and goes to do what he must in order to keep the kingdom running- the order of the day is road repair. It sounds so very unappealing and he would much rather be in the library.

Jenna has rarely been in the library with no restriction on her time. When her mother had been alive, she had been smuggled in once in a while to find a very specific volume on some astronomical phenomenon or another, but in the year since her passing, she has not had the opportunity to wander in it. This is, however, Loki's favourite way to discover new reading material and he encourages her to get lost in the stacks. Fearing she will do so literally, she slips her hand in his and leads him where she wants to go, selecting books on botany, fine wood carving, and weaponry to bring back to their reading table.

"Uncle? Do you know if the library holds any volumes of children's stories from different realms?"

"I do not know. Would you like me to look?"

"Yes. My mother had a beautiful copy of Grimm's Tales when I was much younger, but she dropped it in the stream when reading to me and it mildewed. I miss it."

Excited at the prospect of discovering something new, Loki beams, "I will see if I can find it for you. Do not go anywhere, I will return shortly." He disappears into the stacks.

She is intently studying a diagram of different carving tools when a gruff voice interrupts her study, "I did not expect to find you here."

She freezes, keeping her eyes on the page, "Hello, Grandfather."

"Do not call me that."

"Even after an entire year of doting on me, you would say this?"

"Yes."

"That is stupid."

"What did you say?"

"I said that is utterly, entirely stupid." She looks up from her book, angry, "You would adore me if I were just like you, but the moment you find out that I am not, the entire person you came to know is worthless. That means you never really loved me at all." Her eyes brim with hot tears and she pushes the book back to keep from ruining the ink.

"How dare you speak to me so insolently!"

"If I am not your granddaughter, then why does it matter how I speak to you?"

"I am still Odin All-Father and you will respect that!"

"I owe you nothing!" She is ready to flee when Loki comes from the stacks, a book in hand.

"I found it. What is the-" He stops, looks quickly from Odin to Jenna, and drops the book on the table, placing both hands on her shoulders, "Are you alright?" She shakes her head, "Come here." She stands and he holds her, gently turning her so he stands as a barrier from Odin, "I only heard a little of what you said, but you will not raise your voice to her."

"You cannot command me. I am still your elder and hers. And though I am not king, I am still the All-Father and you will acknowledge that."

"Uncle, I wish to leave."

"We will, my love, we will."

"She is not your family, either, Loki. Stop pretending she is."

Loki looks Jenna in the eye as he replies, "Blood or built, family is family. Her mother taught us this. And I intend to honour that."

"Her mother was of Midgard!"

"Perhaps that is why she was so wise when it came to family. When one lives only a short time, one must value people all the more greatly, no matter where they are from."

Jenna hugs him, "Thank you."

"You are always welcome. Now let us find your father." Odin tries to step in front of them to prevent them from leaving, reaching for Jenna's arm, but a look from Loki stays his hand, "Touch her and I will end you."

"You dare threaten me?"

"I dare threaten anyone who lays a finger on her with the intent to harm her. Now move aside."

After a tense silence, Odin does as Loki asks.

Once in the hallway and well out of earshot, Jenna speaks, "You forgot the book."

"A book is not as important as your safety, child. We will find it again."

"He said I was no longer his granddaughter."

Loki stops and turns to her, "Do not believe you have done anything to deserve this."

"I told him that if he could throw a whole year away, he must not have loved me at all. Love does not do that."

"Unfortunately, sometimes pain and anger override love. It did once for me and I regret it."

"Father?"

"No. I tried to reject him but he was blessedly persistent. Your grandmother. I told her Odin was not my father and she asked if then she was not my mother. And I agreed, as I had no better answer. She died before I could make amends."

"Oh." Jenna does not know how to respond to this.

"I hope your grandfather is merely too hurt that he was not told earlier to respond rationally. I hope he will come around in a few days. I hope he will show you that he does yet love you. But in case he does not, please, dear girl, promise me you will not blame yourself in any way for his decisions."

There is so much about him she does not know, despite knowing the story her grandfather told her. Something in his face says he speaks from his heart and from his own mistakes. She nods.

"I will do my best."

"Will you talk to someone if you do begin to feel this way?"

"Yes."

"Good. I love you, my darling niece. You are a light."

She smiles and takes his hand.


	16. Chapter 16

When Loki brings Jenna to Thor and she tells him what her grandfather said, Thor is furious. He cannot understand his father. Loki gently talks him down from his plan of find-Odin-and-scream. It seems like a fine plan to Thor, but Loki insists it will do no good.

When he is a little more calm, Thor cracks a small smile, "You are so much still the man I knew in our younger days. You have talked me out of many a rash thing."

"Except storming Jotunheim in retribution for disturbing your coronation. That one I could not talk you out of."

"Well you did cause the problem in the first place."

"I still tried to talk you out of it."

"True, true. So what do we do about Father?"

"Can we do anything? He is so very set in his ways."

Jenna interrupts, "If you don't mind, I would like to just go to bed now. I really want to forget about him for a while."

Thor excuses himself from Loki and leaves to tuck her in. When he returns, Loki has helped himself to a glass from the liquor cabinet and has poured him one as well.

"So...you asked what we do about Odin."

"Yes. We cannot let him do this to her."

"I did my best to stop it. I was so far back in the stacks that I did not hear but the last few exchanges. I did not think he would venture to the library today."

"I am proud of you, Brother, for standing up to him. Jenna said you threatened him?"

"I likely should not have done so, but yes. He tried to stop us from leaving and I told him I would end him, or anyone else who dared place a hand on her to harm her."

"He will not like that."

"I think he was rather stunned. But it is true. For her, I will."

"You are a good uncle."

"Thank you, Thor. That means a great deal."

"It is true. But now we must figure out how to deal with Odin."

"Shall we sit down and spell things out for him? Tell him in no uncertain terms that this is the shape of your family and he will learn to accept it or be left out of it?"

"Our family, Loki. And I think perhaps that is all we can do. I did not tell him how much hiding Jane was hurting Jenna. I should tell him that as well."

"He will not take this well."

"No, he will not."

"Would it be best if you do this alone? He reminded me yet again today that I am not part of his family. He has said he wishes to understand why I have been what I have been, done what I have done, but I do not believe it. Not with what he has said."

"I will not let him define you out of this family. You, of all people, know how anger overrides reason."

"I do. And I reminded Jenna of this as well- that he is hopefully acting out of shock. She told me that love does not reject this way. And in the hall after, I told her what I did to Mother. I think it stunned her. But she needed to know that people who love one another can be cruel when they are too angry, proud, or afraid to speak truth."

Thor embraces Loki. There is something incredibly brave in Loki's admission of this to his daughter- this moment of deep vulnerability- and he does not know how to put into words how grateful he is that he would share it to try to teach her that acting this way is not necessarily a sign of hatred or rejection.

Loki relaxes in Thor's arms. This entire ordeal is emotionally taxing and he is remembering far too much of what it felt like to hear Odin say "no" on the Bifrost. Thor, though, is safety. He always has been. And he has learned so much from the one who always sought him and always protected him when he needed it. It is how he knows that what he is doing for Jenna is right- it is what Thor would do for him. And many times during his years on the throne as Odin, he found himself thinking "this is not what Thor would do" as he played his part.

"Do you wish me with you, Thor, or should you do this alone?"

"You will be with me- we are brothers. This family is ours."

Loki rests his head against Thor's shoulder, his heart lifting a little with Thor's words, "A moment, though, Thor. Please. To rest." Thor smiles and lets him snuggle against him. When they were children, Loki often sought the protection of his older brother's arms, especially after dealing with the court, or punishment from Odin. Knowing that there was always a refuge had kept Loki from running away from home more than once.

When he is ready, Loki sits up and smiles, "Thank you."

"Of course. It is good to have you back. All of you, body, heart, and mind."

"You are a delightful sap. Now call for someone to come watch Jenna and we will shatter our brief peace by dealing with your father."

So Thor asks Sif to sit with Jenna and calls for Odin; they meet around a round table in one of the smaller dining halls, "What have you called me here for?"

Thor clears his throat, "I know what you said to Jenna."

"It should be no surprise to you."

"But it is. And I thought better of you, Father. Jenna is a child. She needs her family- every one of us. But if you cannot accept that her family includes both Jane and Loki, then it is not her fault. She has done nothing to deserve such treatment and heartbreak."

"You know the way this world runs, Thor."

"I do. And I know that you can lead the path to change or stay steadfast on your path away from this family."

Odin's jaw drops and he is at a complete loss for words.

Loki adds, "Jenna's feelings about her mother, Thor."

"Ah. Thank you." He addresses Odin, "I told you because it hurt Jenna too deeply to hide her mother. To not even be able to say her name or to tell you her memories of her. She wanted to share this joy. And not being able to do such has taught her that her mother's origin is something to be ashamed of. And I cannot let my daughter go through life feeling like that."

"Odin, you will regret this if you continue to reject her. We are trying to teach her that even people who love one another do horrible things sometimes. We are trying to keep her open to forgiving you for this. But we cannot do it forever. At some point, she will stop believing us."

Odin laughs, "You? Of all people, you are the one to speak of forgiveness?"

Thor does not find this amusing, "Yes, he is."

"And how is he to teach it if he cannot practice it? You still reject me as your father, do you not?"

"Do you still reject me as your son?" Odin says nothing, "In the entire time of my return, my healing, you have not once addressed me in a way that made me think you did not still consider me a monster. You have said that you once called me yours, but never indicated you would again. So no, I do not call you father. Not yet. But I also know I have had decades of being you to think about such things. You have had but a year."

Thor rises and Loki follows him, "I will leave you to think, Father. I love my daughter as you loved me. As you once loved Loki. And I will not let you break her."

Odin has not moved from his place at the table as the door closes behind them.


	17. Chapter 17

Jenna is exhausted. She sleeps late most days and goes to bed early. She avoids the halls so that she might avoid Odin. She does not know whether to refer to him as her grandfather or to do as Loki does and call him by his name. So she instead avoids talking about him at all.

Thor is worried about his daughter. She has retreated to her room. There are times she does not leave for hours and refuses to join him for meals. She rarely eats breakfast at all. Loki is concerned as well. She does not join him for reading very often. They have still not finished "Neverwhere" and there are many books left in the pile that he wishes to read out loud with her, playing with dialogue, refining her narrative skills. But she is not interested and the few times he has been able to get her to converse, she has kept her answers short and reiterated that she would rather live in the royal hunting cabin than in the palace.

While Thor attempts to coax her out of her room on Midsummer's Eve, Loki seeks out Odin, "You have to end this."

"End what?"

"This ridiculous notion that Jenna is not your family."

"And why must I do that?"

"You did spend time with her, correct?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember what she was like?"

"Energetic. Curious. And often full of questions. Why?"

"Because she is listless and quiet and she does not wish to leave her room. She often does not eat. She sleeps most of the day. She has not read with me in a week and last she did, she barely followed the story. This is wrong, Odin. So very wrong."

"And what do you wish me to do about it?"

"To use a Midgardian phrase Thor learned from Jane, 'grow a pair and man up'- this is the behaviour of a child in a tantrum, not behaviour worthy of the man who was once king."

"You? You tell me that my behaviour is inappropriate? You assassinated Jotunheim's king, threw yourself into the Void, attempted to destroy Midgard, and stole this throne all in response to finding out you were adopted!"

"And I was a fool to let that bother me, but at least my initial reaction had a rational basis. I was taught to hate what I am. So I responded by trying to prove I was not one of them. That I was as good as you, possibly better, able to defeat that in me and destroy what you could not. And I heard only rejection from you on the Bifrost. Pain, Odin, causes people to do incredibly horrible things. And it is destroying your granddaughter, whether you name her that or not."

"I do not want a lecture from you."

Loki rises to leave, "What you want and what you need to hear are two very different things."

"If things are so horrible for Jenna, why does my son not come speak to me? Why did he send you?"

"He did not send me. I chose this. He does not come because he is trying to reach her, a far more important use of his time than trying to convince you of the obvious."

"Which is?"

"She is a beautiful and worthy young lady and you are a fool to reject her." Loki slams the door as he leaves. He is tired of this. It is exhausting to fight such prejudice, but he knows he must. If he does not, it will be up to Thor to do it alone and Jenna will not have her father beside her. He returns to his chambers for a nap. Thor will come to him later in the day. He will tell him of his conversation then. For now, he rests so he can be at his best when Jenna needs him next.

That evening, there is a knock on his door. He drags himself from his nap on the couch and answers. The knock is not a familiar one and he is wary of letting someone unknown in to his sanctuary. When he opens the door, Sif smiles back at him.

"Good evening. You look bleary-eyed."

"I was resting. It has been a long day."

"There are rumours that you spoke to the All-Father today."

"Rumours?"

"A servant girl saw you leave. She tells that he was brisk and sharp with her, but seemed lost in thought."

"I tend to have that effect on people."

"Oh hush. If you made him think, you have accomplished a great deal."

Loki gestures for her to come in, "That would be a feat."

"I assume the topic was Jenna?"

"Yes."

"Were you quite bold?"

"Very. I would not be surprised if he never speaks to me again. But anything I can do for that dear girl is worth the discomfort to myself. She needs as much love as she can get. It seems she is taking Odin's rejection as hard as I did."

"It would appear so. But why? She has only known him a year."

"But when was it that she met him?"

"What do you mean?"

"She had just lost her mother. She returned to this place with only her father. Odin was a natural addition to the family and his attention helped fill a hole in her heart. And now he has wrenched that away."

"Oh..."

"And so she grieves the loss deeply."

Sif sighs, "Well there is something she has asked of us to help cheer her. I think it silly, but she has asked for all of us and Volstagg promised that we would, his family included."

"Oh? What are we to do?"

"It is Midsummer's Eve."

"A feast?"

"No. She celebrated with the country villagers growing up, both here and in Midgard."

"So we are to venture to the country? Will we not be noticed and disruptive to their festivities?"

"No. We will be disguised. Those who attend Midsummer's Eve dress in costumes and most wear masks. If we dress appropriately, we will simply be a family of strangers from the city."

"And somehow they will not recognise the Lady Sif riding in on her war horse?" he gently teases.

"Of course not. I'll be wearing a dress."

Loki grins, "I cannot wait to see this."

She playfully smacks his arm, "Do not get excited over such a thing."

"And what of Thor?"

"I have no idea what your brother is dressing as. Perhaps something fearsome. A large cat of some sort, with his flowing golden mane."

"And what ought I disguise myself as? Perhaps a dashing figure from our legends?"

"You could dress as Odin. You know the part well."

"Oh, ouch. My dear, that is a low blow."

She smirks, "Then do not make fun of me for wearing a dress."

"Fair enough."

She steps towards the door, turning back for a moment, "But be ready soon. We leave in two hours for the festivities. She wants to arrive just after the bonfires have been lit. And do not make your garments too flowing, lest they light when you step to close to the flames."

The moment she is gone, he dashes to his wardrobe, excited to play. There are so many things he could disguise himself as with the power of his illusions, but this seems like something worthy of the true art of costuming. There is a black leather mask somewhere in his trunks from many years ago, the eyes rimmed with dark gems, black feathers pluming up from the corners. It will suit him well. Now to figure out what to wear with it.

Jenna drags out her trunks and empties them on her bedroom floor. In them, there are Midsummer's Eve costumes from years past. Glittering masks, gossamer wings, gowns that look like the scales of the dragons in her mother's storybooks. She has no idea what to wear. She did not celebrate last year, it was too hard to do without her mother. So she picks through things and tosses others aside that she knows are too small. She chooses one of her favourite gowns- the bodice is deep green velvet, the sleeves open at the shoulders, the skirt tiered flames in fabrics that shimmers in the firelight. She adds the faerie wings that attach to her elbows and wrists and selects a mask covered in owl feathers and amber. She joins Thor. He is wearing only black, his short cape glittering in crystal stars.

"You have chosen to dress as the night."

"One of your favourites, if I remember. And you are fire."

"One of Mother's favourites."

"And you look lovely in it, my daughter. Come, let us meet the others. I am eager to see what they have found."

"Volstagg is bringing the family?"

"Yes. They have relatives in the village- his wife's people."

"I remember."

"I wonder what your uncle will be wearing. I do not know that he has ever celebrated Midsummer's Eve."

"Sif says she will wear a dress and no one will recognise her."

"Well that would be quite unusual for her."

"Do you remember the year Volstagg wore fur and ran about scaring the children to fits of giggles?"

"He was a very silly bear."

"And the year Fandral went with us and dressed in rainbow colours to be a flower? His mask was full of so many colours of feathers! He said he would attract the lady bees that way...until we reminded him that bees that go from flower to flower are the men."

"He did not seem to mind that idea in the least."

"Of course not, it's Fandral. He's flexible. And his costume was gorgeous."

"Everyone did flock to it. I think he had requests from all sexes at the dance."

"Mother's peacock dress was my favourite. So many colours, and the panel she could fan up for the tail was spectacular."

"That dress is safely stowed, waiting for you to grow into it."

"It will be a bittersweet day."

"Yes, it will. For me, especially, for it will mean you are a young woman, a child no longer."

"Well I have to grow up sometime."

Thor laughs and tussles her hair, "Yes, that you do. But I will believe that you are my little girl no matter how old you get. Now come, let us go see what our friends are wearing."

"And Uncle."

"Of course, and your uncle. He is creative. I will be eager to see what he has come up with."

They walk to the stables to find Sif already sitting side-saddle on her horse, her red and gold dress draping across the leather, her gold mask with its red feathers hanging at her side. She looks elegant and fearsome. Fandral, in his rainbow costume, brings them their horses. Hogun is in silver, a crown of greenery and large white flowers on his head. His mask is painted on his face, silver spirals on his cheeks. Jenna has seen this costume before- the same year her father dressed as the night, Hogun was the moon. And he is again.

Thor greets them, "Good evening, fellow revelers! Where is Volstagg?"

"He is outside the gate with his family. They will join us on the road," Fandral answers, "Do you remember this costume, Jenna? I seem to recall you particularly liked it."

"I do both remember it and like it."

"Good! May my antics tonight bring you good cheer, for I anticipate much frivolity and good ale...but no ale for you. Your father would never forgive me."

"Have you seen Loki?" asks Thor.

The three friends shake their heads, but a voice from behind calls, "No, they have not."

Jenna turns to see him approaching in a costume she has never seen before- a long black shimmering silk brocade robe, the hem rough gossamer threads. He has tied back his hair, his black mask covering his eyes, his nose, cheeks, and jaw painted white, skeletal. His feet are bare and painted with bones. And he carries with him a scythe, a small stuffed figure of a rat dressed in a hooded robe affixed to the handle.

Her hands fly to her lips in surprise and delight, "Sir Terry's Death!"

"Yes. For you, my dear. And because 'Reaper Man' may be one of the most profound works I have ever read."

"Living on borrowed time."

"Yes. Given all the moments I should rightly have met my end, it seemed fitting."

She steps forward to hug him, arms open, "May I?"

"Of course. No costume is so fragile that it cannot handle a hug from my darling niece."

He calls for a horse- a white one- and she is giddy. It is the first time he has seen her happy in far too long and he knows the costume, one that few in Asgard will recognise, is a far better decision than any of the more common characters from their lore.

And then they ride. Volstagg's family meets up with them on the road, their open top carriage full of laughing children in colourful costumes, Volstagg driving, dressed in a costume that resembles a mountain. His wife has flowers and leaves in many long braids, her elaborate brown gown suggesting a willow tree. The entire procession is fuelled by excitement.

As they leave the city lights, Jenna finds peace in the early night sky. Sadness, too, but this is where she most feels her mother's presence- under the stars that so enchanted her. There is only so much she can see from the telescope in their quarters and even in the light of early night, there are stars. Far ahead, rising above the forest and plain, there are hills. Huge hills. They rise slowly at first, but more steeply higher up. Well-worn roads ribbon their way up their sides. Jenna keeps her eyes on these hills. She can barely make out movement at the peaks, but it is there and she knows there will be elders directing the younger people to pile large bundles of brush in the same way it has been arranged for centuries. Some things never change, passed from generation to generation. And thanks to Volstagg's family and her mother's yearning for something that resembled the revels she had seen in her very early years, she had been able to learn a little of these rituals.

The sky darkens, more stars appear in the sky, and Jenna keeps watch. They start up the hills, weaving up the rocky path, their travel slower than it was below. There will be no sleep tonight. Her heart races with excitement. There is something magical in the air. Her mother's fairy stories of the creatures living under the hills coming to make mischief in the world of men, seem all the more likely to be true. And she knows that once the bonfires are lit, there will be nothing about the night to remind her of her life in the city. The stories warriors tell of great battles at feasts in the halls of her father will not be the same ones she hears tonight. Those tales are far too tame. Here, on this night, stories will be of mischief, fantasy, creatures of magic and mystery. Changelings, Selkies, girls tricked into faerie rings under the bright light of a full moon- folk stories that overlap with those in Midagard, as well as a few her mother told that took hold during their years of celebrations in this village. Stories that are told not from books, but from memories.

In the distance, a bright orange flame springs from one of the hilltops against the deep purple early night sky. Jenna finds herself laughing. Another hilltop bursts into flame. And then another. They crest the path as the fire on their own hill flies to life, the flames licking the sky. The hill itself seems to cheer as hundreds of voices rise to celebrate the summer. She rides a little harder, hoping the others will join her. The children in Volstagg's carriage laugh as he speeds forward with her. They arrive outside the festival and the children spill down, dancing as their feet the ground. The music is infectious and they drag their parents into the revelry. Jenna bounds to her father and grabs his hand to follow.

Fandral tries to drag Sif forward to the dance, but she playfully swats his hand away. Hogun teases her as well and she soon relents. Loki does not know what he is doing here on the hilltop. He has never seen Midsummer's Eve. It has never been something they have celebrated in the palace. He remembers Odin once describing these festivals as peasant triflings, as though they were meaningless little parties thrown for the sake of drunken tomfoolery. But what he sees is anything but little and anything but meaningless. He has never seen such unrestrained gaiety. The air smells of woodsmoke and sweets, ale and cooking meat. There are people selling food around the outer edge of the celebration, and others selling garlands of flowers, bells on bands to be tied around wrists and ankles, and bundles of herbs to toss in the fire. He finds an unoccupied log on the edge of the dancing and settles in to watch in wonder and in awe.

He catches glances of the others. Fandral has caught the attention of a small crowd of women and men, all laughing with him as they circle and spin, kissing and flirting in the flickering light. Volstagg is surrounded by children, laughing thunderously as the mountain man, lumbering after them. They catch him and attempt to scale him. Hogun has found a woman dressed as the sun and is dancing with her. It appears that they know one another, but it seems like it is possible everyone knows one another. Or possibly no one does and that is the magic of Midsummer's Eve. He looks for Sif, but cannot find her. He imagines that she is on the other side of the bonfire with a young man, testing his skill, his patience, and his wit. He is a little jealous of whomever that might be. He pushes the thought to the back of his mind and searches for Thor and Jenna amidst the swirling colours against the bright flames. He cannot find them. But there are hundreds of dancers and they wrap around the bonfire that stretches so large it nearly takes up his entire frame of vision.

Someone approaches from behind and steps in front of him, hand extended, "You will not merely sit on this log all night. You must dance. You cannot say you celebrated Midsummer's Eve without dancing."

"Sif, you must be more persuasive than that."

"You always have been a rather delightful dance partner, even when I was forced into courtly charms against my will. This is so much less refined. Are you not up to the challenge?"

"I do not know the steps."

"There are no steps. You follow the music and do what your feet say you ought."

"And what if my feet say I ought sit here on this log?"

"That is not an option."

"I think you will find that it is."

She smirks, "I do not think you quite take my meaning. I will dance with you. I am in the middle of nowhere in the hills my family thinks are inhabited by some sort of disgusting creatures that only resemble us in form. I am quite enjoying the company. The food is delicious. And I would like to horrify my family as much as possible by having as rambunctious of a good time as I possibly can. And I am wearing a dress, which ought to convince you that I am dedicated to the masquerade and spirit of the holiday."

"Your arguments are quite convincing."

"Then stand up. It is Midsummer's Eve. The year is at its peak. And your niece is laughing as though this has freed her, at least for the night."

"Where is she?"

Sif once again offers her hand, "Come. Dance. And I'll show you."

With only a little hesitation, Loki joins her.


	18. Chapter 18

It is late- so late that Loki thinks it might actually be very early. He is tired, he is slightly drunk, and he is quite happy. The fire is dying down and someone is circulating with mugs of something hot and strong. It is not for sale, rather freely given. Sif is snuggled against him as they sit on the ground, propped up against the log. Thor and Jenna are nearby, laying back on the grass, counting stars. They laugh each time they lose count and start again. Volstagg has left early with the children, bundling them back into the carriage, a few of them already asleep. Hogun and the lady sun vanished hours earlier. Loki has the feeling that they will not be returning until the sun rises. Fandral is in the pile of people on the far side of the fire near the trees. They are blissfully unaware of what is happening around them and everyone seems to be ignoring the giggling tangle of bodies. This appears to be a normal Midsummer's Eve occurrence.

The night has been far better than he thought it could be. He had been prepared for some country celebration with a poorer version of what he was used to at feasts. The truth is so different that he wonders why his father never taught them about it. These people are Aesir, too, and these celebrations so deeply intertwined with their lives that it would be unfair to say that they were not truly Aesir traditions. But then again, he realizes that this is how Odin has always operated- the things that are his, that are noble, that are of his father's class of warriors, they are the traditions of Asgard. No others count, even though there were surely country men in the armies that fought the Dark Elves with Bor, country men who would have celebrated Midsummer's Eve with bonfires, songs, dancing, and good- oh so very good- ale.

He starts to nod off when Sif speaks, "You must stay awake all the short night. It is tradition."

"You have dozed a bit yourself."

"Yes, but I am now awake, so I am fine."

"This has been wonderful. They do this every year?"

"Every year. There are other celebrations here, too, that we do not have in the city. Festivals for other seasons. Midwinter is particularly fun."

"Do you come to those as well?"

"I have. When Jane was living and Thor brought them here from the cabin."

"What about Volstagg?"

"He brings his family every year. They go part way down the hill to stay with his wife's family. He will join us at the palace after they have rested."

"And the woman Hogun has disappeared with?"

"They meet this way every year. I do not know who she is."

"Fandral seems happy."

"He is. Once a year, things are different. For all of us."

"And the Lady wears her dress."

"Yes. I do."

"And are you happy with things this way?"

"It is good for a holiday, yes. But I would not be a warrior here. And that I like as well. I could not be a village housewife."

"Why do we not honour the passing of time this way in the city?"

"You ponder aloud. You know I cannot answer that question, and you are the scholar amongst us."

"I will have to take to the library, then, when we return."

"Take Jenna with you. Perhaps she will be interested by this."

"I do not know if she will go with me to the library after what happened the last time we were there."

Sif shifts, perplexed, "What could have gone wrong in the library?"

"Odin confronted her and told her she was not to call him grandfather. She was quite shaken by it."

"Is that what started her troubles?"

"I believe so, yes. She was handling his rejection moderately well, all things considered, until he did it in person. Hearing it from his lips hurt too much."

"She was so happy last night."

Loki smiles at Sif and dares to gently kiss her forehead, "Yes, well I think we all were."

She gives a little shove and laughs, "Yes, yes we were. And are. But it makes me wonder if Thor should keep her out here for a while. She has asked, many times. Going back might just make her sad again."

"I have no doubt it will. But with her father king, she cannot stay here forever. He has to be at the palace. So it would become more complicated. I suppose I could stay with her and we could travel back and forth..."

"Would the solitude of the hunting cabin suit you?"

"I was essentially alone for the decades I was Odin. I had to be to keep the secret safe. Being alone has rarely bothered me, so long as I know I do not have to stay that way."

"You have changed so much, Loki. I see so many more shades of who you were as a much younger man. Before you found out. Your kindness has returned and you have allowed yourself to be sensitive to others again."

"Oh?"

"Yes. And I like that."

She snuggles against him and turns her attention to the lightening sky. Loki has questions, for certain, as to what this all means, but he forbids himself from asking them. There is far to much to enjoy about the moment itself- the cool of the night air, the sounds of life surrounding him, from voices to crickets, to the occasional owl. The fluttering wings of bats as they dive for the last sparks of the dying fire. Someone hands them mugs. Sif uses hers to warm her hands. Loki sips. It is a warm mulled cider and it feels like liquid joy. There morning will come, this he knows, and then he will have to return to the business of the palace and his questions of identity, to Jenna's struggles to find her place in the world. But out here, on Midsummer's Eve, the world does not seem so complicated. They exist, and they exist in this world without separation from one another or towers to pull them from the land. There is wonder here, and there is music and laughter and no reason not to act on love. And all these things are things missing from the palace and the strictness that has bound him his entire life. He realizes that this is also why Jenna has so much trouble with the golden halls. She grew up in these places with this connection and this freedom, with adventure only a woods away and no reason not to sing in the fields or whistle while riding. Suddenly, he understands so clearly why she always asks to return to the cabin. It is not just her mother. It is life itself.

"Sif?"

"Hmmm?"

"We need this at home."

"What do you mean?"

"This...or something like it. The connections. The ability to simply exist. Why do we let ourselves be governed by the rules that make us miserable?"

"I do not entirely follow you."

"Why is Jenna so miserable in the palace?"

"She misses her mother and the places that remind her of her."

"She was raised out here. While Midsummer's Eve is a little different, these people aren't only connected by this day. Did you watch them at all? They know one another. There are songs they sing together. Stories their children do not hesitate to play along with. Games that spring up when someone has the cards or whatnot. No one is asking permission to do these things."

"There are disadvantages to life out here, though. It is hard work."

"Perhaps that work is what makes these festivals all the sweeter."

"Possibly. But we cannot simply abandon the life we have in the city to try to be one of them. That is not our life."

Loki sighs and sips the cider, "I know. But I cannot wonder if we can at least change a little."

"You were once much more playful. I remember the tricks in the halls. The time you filled an entire room with charmed soap bubbles. The hallway you filled with rainclouds. The time you made flowers bloom where your mother stepped."

"I was roundly chastised for every one of those by Odin."

"That is because he was not raised to play, but to rule."

"And I?"

"Your mother saved you boys from that same fate. She loved your play."

"We still had little connection outside of our family. There is no sense of community in the palace."

"Then build it."

It is Loki's turn to be puzzled, "What?"

"Build it. You complain that there is no community, yet do you know the names of your servants? Have you asked of their families? Or do you treat them as less than you? Do you believe our ranks in the palace determine how worthy we are of your time? If there is one thing I learned from Jane, it is that there is no reason to treat a servant any differently than the nobles. When one of the women of the court insisted she treat her with reverence, Jane asked what the woman did to deserve it. And when she repeated that she was a noble, Jane told her that was no reason to elevate someone. I have been striving to do more of the same myself after having seen how she brought people together. She was rarely in the palace, but when she was, she turned it on its head by ignoring all of the rules that divide us."

"She saw no barriers."

"Of course not. She was not schooled from birth that they were real. To her, they were inconveniences. That is why she loved Midsummer's Eve. Out here, with masks and costumes, the king and the peasant are one and the same."

"For one night, the world is as it should be."

"Exactly. And you are the brother to the king. You have an incredible power to bring this to our world."

"Thor told me that few know of the incident with the Destroyer. Or the Bifrost. Or my attempted takeover of Midgard. Or my time as Odin. Is this true? Does the realm truly just believe I disappeared for a spell?"

"Yes. And they have not yet seen you since your return, so they do not know of that, either. Only some in the palace know you returned injured. But you know that what happens in the palace is not to be spoken of outside of its walls."

"'Change the story, change the world'... It is true. Or it can be."

"For you, yes."

"Jenna's Midgardian author was right."

Sif smiles and kisses his cheek, "You have a remarkable chance to go reinvent yourself. The last the realm knew of you, you were the mischievous young scholar prince. Nothing that has happened since is known."

"I have much to think about."

"Yes, you do."

He falls quiet. The night is beautiful. There is a lovely warrior woman beside him in a gold and red mask and gown who seems to be picking up where they left off- as friends with a question hanging between them that they are happy to leave unresolved. And before long, the sky will start to grey and the first shoots of dawn's colour will shoot over the horizon. The shortest night of the year. The magic of Midsummer's Eve.

Hours later, with the backdrop of a spectacular sunrise, they mount their horses and begin the ride home. Jenna's smile is gone by the time they enter the city. Thor rides close to her and Loki watches, worried. Once in the palace, she lags behind her father. She dangles her mask on her finger, hardly caring if it will fall as she makes her way back to her bedroom. Loki stops for a moment and, with a little movement of his wrist, of his scythe, the hallway begins to bloom, flowering vines tracing up the walls just ahead of Thor, a rainbow of flowers greeting them, fading after they have passed.

Jenna stops. She stares at this new sight, watching the ceilings drip with willow branches. Each step she takes brings new flowers. She turns to take it in.

Her eyes meet Loki's, "Magic?"

He smiles and nods. She has never seen this.

"Wow..."

He knows there is a long way to go with Jenna, the road is always long when one grieves. But as "A Hat Full of Sky" says..."Change the story, change the world."


	19. Chapter 19

It has been a few weeks since Midsummer's Eve and Loki is making a great effort to at least say hello to the few servants he sees on a regular basis. He is also trying to find ways to keep Jenna from sinking back into her sadness and he knows he is failing at this. She sleeps long hours, rarely eating. She has dark circles under her young eyes and he cannot help but think that she should leave the palace. He suggests this to Thor. But Thor does not think he can spend so much time away from her and his kingly duties require him to be at the palace.

They still have not finished "Neverwhere"- Jenna refuses to resume reading with Loki, though he has offered. She will not visit the library, and Thor reports that she does not want to listen to her mother's music, either. This distance frightens Loki. He feels her slipping away from him when all he wants to do is hold her close.

When he arrives at Thor's door, he brings one final idea. He carries with him a bundle wrapped in fine silk. It is something he has treasured for years, something that came into his possession during his years as king, but was precious to him long before then. He considered placing it in the vault, but realized that the vault is not the place for something this valuable. It has to be loved.

Thor calls to Jenna and she staggers out of her room still wearing her nightdress, "Hello, Uncle."

"I have brought something I think you might enjoy."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Please, come sit with me." He settles on one of Thor's couches. She plops down beside him.

"That's pretty silk."

"Some of the finest silk in the realm." This intrigues her. She leans toward him as he unwraps his bundle, his hands slow and reverent.

"What is it?"

"You will see. Patience." When the last of the silk falls aside, she sees a beautiful leatherbound volume, intricate designs stamped in the skin.

"A book."

"Not just any book."

Thor has been watching from a distance and knows what is in his brother's hands the moment that the silk reveals it. His breath catches in his throat and he watches Loki gently brush his hands along the designs.

"Brother, how did you get this?"

"When I was Odin... And I kept it."

"Uncle, what is it?"

"It is my mother's storybook." His voice is soft, as though this is a holy relic. In a way, it is, "Your father and I spent many hours beside her as she read us these tales. I learned to read from it. I believe he did as well." He opens the cover and turned the thick pages to the first story. He does not need the book, in truth- most of the stories are so familiar that he can recite them from heart. But there is a magic to her book and he has read to himself from it so many times, even as an adult, that he honestly and earnestly believes that the stories sound somehow better, more true, when the book is in front of him.

He opens himself to the stories and allows both Thor and Jenna to get a far closer glimpse at his heart than he has given to anyone, even himself, since Frigga. They hear the catches in his voice when the stories are ones that evoke her spirit. He forces himself to read the stories that have hurt him the most deeply, the stories of monsters of Jotunheim, vicious giants threatening warriors and villagers alike, demons of ice as vicious as the fire creatures of Muspelheim. Jenna curls under his arm as his voice trembles. He reads for hours, every story. When he turns the last page, he stops and places his hand on the turned leaves and says a silent prayer of thanks to his mother. Then he closes the cover.

Jenna laces her fingers through his, his hand resting on the book, "Wow. Thank you."

"You are ever welcome, my dearest child."

"I love you, Uncle. It doesn't matter what the stories say about Jotunheim. You are you, and that is wonderful."

"Bless you, Jenna."

"Uncle?"

"Yes?"

"I think I want to go get dressed now. Can we go for a walk in the gardens?"

"Of course."

"But first, let's go raid the kitchens. I'm hungry."

"Have you not eaten today?"

"No, I haven't."

"Then certainly, let us go on a quest to the kitchens."

She hands him the silk, "But very first, we need to make sure that book stays safe."

He lets her help him wrap it. It is the first time anyone else has touched it in years.

Late that evening, long after Jenna has fallen asleep, Thor pours tea for Loki, the book secure in Thor's desk, "How did you know reading it would help? She has not wanted to be read to in so long."

"It is a beautiful book. And I have never brought one of my own books to her. She has brought many books to me, and we have read them in many ways, but I thought perhaps sharing my own mother's book would draw her."

"I was surprised to hear you read the entire thing. Some stories in particular."

"They were not easy to read. But she needed to hear what I heard. To understand what it was that we grew up with and why it hurt so dearly when I discovered what I am."

"And also to hear which stories caused your voice to catch- the stories she loved the most."

"I hoped it would help her somehow."

"It did. She has not been so active in many weeks. And she ate. Willingly."

"There will still be dark days, Thor. Do not think this is entirely over. But I think we have reached a turning point."

"I had hoped it would have ended with Midsummer's Eve."

"Midsummer's Eve was delightful. But not quite what she needed."

"And what is it she needed?"

"A reminder that stories are what shape us and that our own stories are up to us to write."

"Did you speak of such things in the gardens?"

"Yes."

"I hope you are right. I hope this lasts."

"It will."

"How do you know?"

"Because she told me it would."

Thor cannot help but be wary, but he knows his brother has felt far more like Jenna does than he ever has. So he trusts him and pours more tea. They say little more, only their goodbyes at the end of the evening. Loki retrieves Frigga's book and returns to his chambers. He carefully places it on his own desk and smiles. Some of the stories he knows he will likely never read aloud again and for the first time in many years, he feels that there is something in him that is at peace with what he is.


	20. Chapter 20

Odin thinks often. He does this because he has quite a lot of time to himself and Thor has mostly stopped speaking to him. Loneliness fueled his anger at first, but now he has mellowed and is starting to reflect on all that has happened. He knows why Thor will not speak to him. It is fairly obvious. He finds it interesting, though, that Loki gave him one final chance when he came to tell him to stop shunning Jenna. This was unexpected.

He tries to sneak glimpses into their lives from afar. He sees them return from Midsummer's Eve in their dew-stained costumes. He does not understood these celebrations or the villagers' obsession with the turning of the seasons and is a bit repulsed to discover that his son, now king, disguises himself to attend the revels. Over the course of the weeks following Midsummer, he observes a marked difference in the way Loki deals with servants. Something happened around the bonfire that had shifted him and Odin does not understand what.

Odin has come to understand one thing- there is much he does not understand. He does not understand Thor's adoration for the Midgardian woman. He does not understand how he thinks of her as no less than one of the Aesir. He does not understand why Thor so readily accepts Loki. And as time passes and he thinks more deeply on these things, he comes to realize that Thor accepts these things because Thor has figured out how to not care about origins. Thor has learned this from Frigga. And, he thinks, possibly from him in that he did open his heart to the infant Loki.

But Loki is no longer an infant and has made some very big mistakes. Some which are not mistakes at all. Odin cannot, he realizes, understand Loki. He never will. He thinks that this is possibly the conclusion Thor has also come to. Odin has pushed against this, and still does. Thor, on the other hand, has decided that not being able to understand someone is not a reason to stop trying. It explains a lot of why Thor left to go find Loki, despite knowing that his brother had locked his father away for decades to occupy the throne. There is no need to know why, just to love him and hope he can come home. When Odin figures this out, it is stunning. He has never considered that there might not need to be a reason. That things could be left unsaid, unexplained, and just accepted as they are.

He tries to apply this to his observations. To stop always seeking a reason and an answer for everything. His answers, it seems, are always negative. Loki is always looking for trouble. Jenna is always making mistakes. Thor is always undoing his hard work. And so he decides to try to stop those thoughts and see what happens.

When he does this, he discovers that he has been missing things. Jenna has started smiling again. Loki is careful, quiet, and gentle. Thor is a doting father and loyal friend. And a good king, even though he has only been one for a little over a year. And Odin wonders what else he has missed.

Stopping his own thoughts has another effect as well- he starts to see traces of magic all over the palace. Little things, most often. A butterfly on Thor's shoulder as he sits down to hold court. Tendrils of willow hanging from the corner of a room. Flowers on the edges of the wide halls. A vine curled around a doorpost. Grass in the library's aisle of off-realm mythology and lore. These things fade shortly after he notices them. But they are everywhere. When he first sensed them, he thought that they were surely the signs of Loki's trickery, and possibly treachery. But now that he sees them clearly, everything is of the natural world. He wonders why.

He begins to reflect back on the things he has judged most harshly. Jane. Loki. Jenna. Their revelry at Midsummer's Eve. Taking things only as they are, stripping his own emotions from them, he wonders just how wrong he has been. He hates this admission, that he has not been the infallible all-Father, but that in his old age, he has become even more rigid than he was when the boys were young. So he continues to watch to see which will be proven right- his unwavering stubbornness or these new observations that he may have been too harsh.


	21. Chapter 21

Jenna feels brave. She talks about her mother more with her father's friends, people she sees as her built family- uncles and an aunt she would otherwise not have. On occasion, she plays with Volstagg's children. She still prefers the quiet of stargazing in the gardens with her father and uncle, but having someone else to run around the training grounds with when they are not in use is a nice break once in a while.

Loki has also been feeling a little brave, particularly when it comes to Sif. He is not entirely sure what is between them, but he knows they are close. It is she who firsts suggests that they spar on the training grounds and he hesitates. She lets him decline the first time, but when she asks later the same week, she will not. He says he does not want to be seen. She suggests that they do so in the evening, perhaps at dusk. He agrees, but on one condition- that he is allowed to stop the match at any time. She finds the request odd, but consents. When they meet, he is in simple armor- nothing elaborate, nothing regal- and he carries his training daggers. They are wood, they will only bruise. She has brought staffs. He takes one, and they begin. He has not fought since Thanos, and he is out of practice, but she begins slowly and he takes his time, testing his own skills. She speeds up. Strike, parry, riposte. And then he misses blocking a strike, feels the wood connect with his knee and panics.

"Hold!" She freezes and waits as he stays where he is on the ground, breathing heavily, trying to capture the flurry of thoughts, "This was not a good idea."

She sits beside him, "What did I do?"

"Nothing. Nothing wrong at all."

"Then speak, so that I might understand this."

"You cannot understand this, Sif. And I hope you never do."

She is perplexed, "Is this because of your legs?"

"More than that. But yes."

The light is quickly fading, "Do you need to go in, or shall we sit here for a bit?"

"Sit here. Please. Just for a moment."

They sit in silence listening to the crickets. She very carefully sets one hand on his knee and he flinches. She does not move it. She waits. Then she takes his hand with her free one and squeezes it.

"Do you trust me not to hurt you?" she asks.

"Yes. But trust alone cannot overcome this."

"What is it? You still have not told me."

"Memories," he sighs, "Memories that are far too real. Everything came back with that blow. I felt Thanos'...weapon... I never properly saw what it was. I felt it shatter the first knee. And as I fell, I swear that I could hear the bones shatter below it. And once I start remembering, it is very hard to stop."

"You said 'hold' as much to yourself as you did to me."

"Yes." He is ashamed to admit this. It feels like some kind of weakness, though he knows Thor would assure him it is not. That a defeat as brutal as Thanos dealt is not something one ever forgets. Nor is the pain of having every bone below his waist at least fractured, if not outright destroyed. But still, there is something about it that makes it all hard to admit.

"Why did you not wish to tell me this?"

"Because it should not still be this way. It has been a year. I should be healed from this."

She gapes, "You believe this?"

"Yes. Though I know Thor would tell me otherwise."

"Thor is wise in that. Loki, it has only been a year. Only. Or just over it. You had to relearn to walk. A wound that bad is not something someone simply moves on from once the body has healed."

"But we are taught differently, are we not? We are taught that even in defeat, if a warrior comes home, he comes home ready to go out for another victory after a good meal and time with his woman. We never hear the stories told any other way."

"The stories are, to quote Jane, 'a load of bullshit'. There are many warriors who come home after even a victory harrowed by what they have seen and done. Men who do not wish to ever set foot in a field of war again. And there are those who cannot. Those who die at home from what haunts them. Not all, of course, but it is not uncommon, and it is certainly not uncommon for those who suffer to never heal up here," she pushes a lock of hair behind his ear, "or here," she says, resting her hand over his heart.

Loki slumps, his head in his hands, and Sif holds him, "You are a good friend, Sif. Perhaps the best I have had, excepting my brother."

"Thank you. I only ask that you always keep trying."

"You mean at sparring?"

"And in general, but yes, that too."

"It will not be easy."

"I never said it would be...or that it should be."

"Then yes. I will. But not tonight."

She gives him a squeeze and then stands, offering him her hand, "It is too dark anyway. But we will again, and next time I will not aim for your legs. We will approach that more slowly."

He accepts her hand and does not let it go after he is on his feet. She does not protest and they return to the palace.


	22. Chapter 22

Loki's magic for Jenna has become more elaborate as he has felt more comfortable making his presence around the palace known. Few in the court are aware of his return and he has avoided most of the servants. Rumours abound amongst those who do know about where he was for decades, but most of them are ridiculous and he has no plans to tell them what happened. Those who do know he is living there keep quiet. The servants learned long ago not to spread rumours about palace life.

Jenna loves the little gifts he leaves her throughout the day. The forest in the dining hall, the waterfall in the corridor- they are all delightful reminders of the world she left when she came to live in the palace instead of the hunting cabin. But the world she left is not all she wants. She wants to be able to go certain places with her father and she has asked to start learning how to be a princess. For this, she needs to be introduced to the court and to the realm. She knows this means she has a choice to make- keep her mother hidden from the court, or reveal it and risk that they will make her life incredibly difficult and resist any of Thor's efforts to change the rules of ascension so she can someday take the throne.

She is pondering this over a book of King Arthur myths when Loki comes to read to her while Thor attends the court, "Uncle, I am thinking deep thoughts."

"Oh? Are these thoughts you care to share?"

"A bit. I am trying to decide if I should ask Father to introduce me to his advisors. Four of them I know well, and the other four are strangers to me. But it would be a way to test the waters as to how the court will react."

"You are the daughter of their king. They will not react poorly to this news."

"If I am to be introduced, I do not think I will deny my mother. I think I would like to be Jenna, daughter of Thor, of Asgard and Midgard. Both worlds are a part of me. And I would like to claim this. Perhaps there are others like us, who live between two realms, who would be not feel so badly about themselves if they knew Asgard's princess was half of each."

Loki is struck by the selflessness of her plan, "That would be incredibly brave of you, my dear girl."

"Yes, it would. Will you be brave with me?"

"How do you mean?"

"Will you reveal yourself with me? Introduce yourself as Loki, son of Frigga, of Asgard and Jotunheim?"

He sits across the table from her and reaches for her hands, "My darling Jenna...I do not know if I can do what you ask of me. It is far more risky to be of Jotunheim than of Midgard."

"But you cannot live a hidden life, either. It hurst you as much as it hurts me. You have just lived with it longer."

"Jenna...I fear it is more complicated than this."

"How? You would have to reveal also that Grandfather once had a sense of kindness? How is it more complicated? He already will not call us his own. What else can he do?"

"He is the All-Father. I am certain there is plenty he could do to make life harder for me. I do not wish to find out. I do not wish to risk what I have managed to build here in the past year."

She sighs, "I don't want to be brave on my own."

He sees her face fall and sees the disappointment in her eyes and it crushes him, "I am so sorry Jenna...I don't know how to be as brave as you are."

"What if I hold your hand?"

"I do not know that hand holding would be enough."

"What if I introduce you? Father will introduce me, I have tested the idea with him. I could say it however you like. Then you would not have to say much, if anything at all. And then we could retreat to read books and leave Father to read their reactions."

Loki smiles a little, "You are not going to let me say no, are you?"

"Not really. I think you are incredibly brave and you just don't know it."

"I think you are a very perceptive young lady."

"So...?"

"I will do this. For you."

"It will help. We can change things here by ending this silence. Asgard does not have to be this way."

"I hope you are right to believe it can change."

"Our family has changed- Sif, Volstagg, Fandral, Hogun- they all know what I am. And what you are. And they are of Asgard. So if they can see us for who we are, others will be able to, too. There will be those who cannot, but I believe the Aesir are basically good at heart."

"Your faith in others is astounding and beautiful, child."

"Thank you! We will talk to Father when he returns. Now, though. What book did you bring me?"

"One about the people of Alfheim."

"Ooo, is it their history or lore?"

"Yes."

"I am so excited!"

She drags her chair beside his, rather than across from it, and they begin to read.

Thor returns to find Jenna dozing against Loki on the couch. He is reading the book of Alfheim, his arm around her.

"Did Jenna speak to you? She said she wished to share something with you about her introduction to my advisors."

"Yes, she did. And she asked something of me I am uncertain that I can do."

Thor sits down beside Loki and Loki leans into him a little, letting Jenna tip him over just a little, "And what is that?"

"She has asked me to be brave with her, to allow her to introduce me to your advisors as I am, of Asgard and Jotunheim."

"That would be very brave. Will you do it?"

"I told her I would."

"I hear a hesitation in your voice."

Loki closes his book, "Old fears, Thor. And deep ones. Ones I cultivated while screaming in the Void."

"Are these valid fears, or fears because you do not love yourself?"

He glares for a moment, "Damn it, Thor, will you stop being right? You know they are strongly influenced by the old stories. The monster in Aesir skin who infiltrates and infects, then kills until it is killed. Those horrible tales your father told us."

"But you also fear that the advisors and court will shun you."

"Yes."

"And will shun her."

"Even moreso."

"Are you afraid that you will once again be imprisoned for this? Or that she will be?"

He stops to search his heart and finds things there he does not want to think about, "Her, no. She is a child, and the child of the king at that. But I...I am not. Odin no longer claims me. I will not be held blameless for anything, and should Odin wish to reveal my treason, it will make it all the more difficult for you to shelter me. Someone will kill me, Thor. And I do not know who, or when, or where it will come from, but it will happen."

Thor is surprised at how calm Loki is speaking of this possibility. It seems more like a certainty when he hears his brother speak. But it is also sad that he thinks this way and Thor feels his own heart sink a little.

"I do not plan on letting it become known that you sat upon this throne unless you wish it. And yes, your safety is one of the reasons not to. I will protect you as best I can, Brother. You know that as I claim you, few would dare to think of touching you."

"But there are those who will, and some of them hold high rank. It will be unavoidable."

"You are absolutely convinced of this?"

"Yes. Utterly and absolutely. If I stand with her, I will die."

"Did you tell her this?"

"Of course not, Thor. I would not worry her in such a way. She believes that since your friends have welcomed us both, that others will do the same. I do not share her conviction."

Thor slips from the couch and kneels before Loki, taking the one hand his brother has free in both of his own, "I swear to you that I will make possible whatever you wish to do, and if that means I assign Fandral the task of culling the guard or I release my advisors, I will. There is nothing I will not do for this family. If you wish to stand beside my daughter as a man of both realms, then you will."

"You are so very kind, Brother. So very kind. And your heart is constantly in the right place. But I do not know that it will save me this time. But yes, I will stand with her. She has asked, and I will be brave with her. From there, all I have is hope."

"Sif will certainly not allow any harm to come to you. Fandral will not have the chance to cull the guard, she will do it for him, unasked." There is a glint of mischief in Thor's eye, a teasing that Loki has seen so many times before.

Loki blushes, "You have noticed?"

"How could I have not? You two are delightful together. Your flirtations are lighthearted and playful, and it is good to see you so happy. I have also noticed you in the training yards with her. Your recovery is completed and you are well?"

"Enough to take things slowly, yes."

I have watched you spar and have a question."

"You may ask all you wish, but that does not mean that I will answer you."

"Of course."

"Then speak."

"You often stop her with a hand raised. Is there a reason for this?"

"Yes."

"Will you tell me what it is?"

"Not yet. At the moment, that is something I will share with her only. Perhaps later."

Thor, smiling, returns to the couch and pats Loki's hand, "Then I will wait. Sif is protective. Volstagg is as well. And Fandral, too. Hogun is quiet, but I assure you he, too, considers you one of us. The past is behind us."

"No, it is not. The past is always with me. But I think it is less haunting."

"That is good."

"Yes. Yes it is. And I am ever grateful to all of you for the opportunity."

"I know, little Brother." Thor tussles his hair and Loki lightly shoves him back.

Jenna stirs and they laugh quietly, trying not to wake her, "Mother would be so glad to see us like this." He pushes a lock of the girl's hair back from her face. Thor looks on with adoration. Kindness was once so absent from Loki. Thor once thought he would never see this peace again, or that he would ever find his brother beneath the rage. He marvels that it was close to two years ago that he learned his brother was alive. He had not known what he would find when he set out from Asgard. Loki had been in so much pain after Frigga's death, so raw, and every time Thor thinks of him dying in Svartalfheim, it hurts. Even now, knowing Loki survived, it hurts. He loves that he still mentions their mother fondly, that Odin's distance has not broken that bond.

"Yes, yes she would."

"I miss her. Jenna reminds me so much of Mother. You have a beautiful little girl, Thor."

"That I do. And she is smart, quick witted, and wise. Also like Mother."

"And brave. Also like her. Oh, so very much like her."

"Yes, she is. And you are like her, too." Loki cuddles against Thor, Jenna against him. And they are truly happy. Loki dozes off in Thor's arms. There will be a time to be brave in front of everyone. But now, it is time to rest and feel safe.


	23. Chapter 23

Jenna is ready. She has been making herself ready all week. It is the day that she and Loki are going to go before Thor's advisors. She has chosen her gown- one of her Grandmother's that has been recut for her. Light blue, with a midnight shawl, and sapphires braided into her hair.

When Loki arrives at her door to walk with her, he has to remind himself to keep breathing. He did not spend the past week rehearsing what he would say and laying out his clothes, deciding on what gems to have her father weave into his hair. He spent it organizing books, putting his desk in order, and writing a letter just in case things went horribly wrong and someone calls for his immediate execution. He dressed plainly, thinking that if he were to be dragged once again to the dungeons, at least he would be comfortable.

She practically skips into the hallway and takes his hand, "It will be such a relief to have this known. I do not think I care if they accept me or not at this point. Our friends love us, and that is what matters."

"Even that is brave, my dear."

"How are you feeling?"

"Incredibly nervous."

"It's OK, Uncle. I will be right here."

Her reassurances help a little and he smiles to her, "Thank you, love."

As they approach the throne room, Jenna feels the tremor in his hand. She loops her arm through his and walks a little closer.

"Keep walking. One step and then the other. We are almost there."

"What?"

"I can feel you tremble."

"Oh. Yes. I cannot stop it, child. I am sorry. I wish I were brave like you are."

"You are. You are walking with me. And you keep moving, even though you are afraid. That is so incredibly brave."

He says nothing, but pats her arm and keeps walking to the advising chambers. It seems as though there is a room in the palace for everything, and he has never particularly liked this one. It generally reminds him of a prison, with high white walls painted with gold vines and a plain table. The guards admit them without question and they step in. It is unclear who is escorting who as they approach the table, Jenna nudging her uncle to keep walking.

Thor beams at them both, "Welcome, my family!"

Jenna looks for friendly faces, "Thank you."

"My advisors, this is my daughter, Jenna, of Asgard and of Midgard. Her mother was the scientist, Jane, who joined us here for many of the years of her long life."

Volstagg rises and claps twice, "Welcome, Jenna, princess of Asgard."

Fandral, Sif, and Hogun follow suit. The other four advisors stare, agape.

Jenna speaks clearly and loudly, "And I ask also that you welcome Loki Odinson, of Asgard and Jotunheim, adopted child of our esteemed late queen, the All-Mother, and the All-Father." Sif and the Three, as well as Thor, clap twice for him as well.

"Welcome back to the world of the nobility, Brother."

Loki nods. There is something off in the room. He can feel something- magic. Old magic shielding someone from view. And it has made him uneasy. He does not know where it is coming from, but it is far too familiar. Odin. And yet he is not within sight. There are hiding places throughout the entire palace, though, and there are many of them that Loki has never found.

Jenna gently tugs on his arm, "Come now, we must leave them to their meeting." They go quickly and retreat to Loki's chambers to his newly organized books. She selects a large volume, "Here. This one."

"These are faerie tales of Jotunheim."

"Yes."

"I have never read these to you before."

"I know. And now that you have claimed your heritage, I think it is time."

He gingerly takes the book, "I suppose it is." They settle on the couch and he opens it, "I may skip one or two that I find too disturbing."

"Please don't. I have heard some of the worst of our own stories. I can handle what other realms have written."

"Even if they condemn us?"

"Yes."

He gently opens the ancient book, brushing his fingers over the beautiful gilded pages, "Whatever you wish, my girl. But we may have to stop and talk about the stories as we read. They may be hard for both of us."

She hugs him and kisses his cheek, "Of course. But our secret is out, at least to a few. From here we can only move forward."

It is a reassurance to Loki that he is still alive, but he is still wary about the future. Jenna, however, is his peace. And for a moment, with the book at hand, he is calm.


	24. Chapter 24

Odin, hidden in a passage in the wall, shielded by his own spells, has much to ponder. Below his observation place, the room has erupted. Thor and Volstagg try to diffuse an argument that looks on the verge of turning to blows, two of the advisors leaning over the table to yell at Fandral and Sif. Neither pair will back down.

He had known in advance that Jenna planned to reveal her heritage- Thor had told him that much, the first time they had spoken in weeks. Loki, however, is a surprise. But then again, Loki has always been a surprise. It is a part of his nature.

Odin returns his attention to the fight. It is a good thing there is a table between them, for Sif's fingers keep dancing over the weapons on her belt and one of the other men keeps gesturing with his axe. His meaning is clear. Execution. Even Odin thinks this a little extreme, given the change in character he has seen in Loki as of late- or, really, a return to the character he kept before everything spiralled out of control.

Thor cannot find a way to get a handle on the argument. He let it go so he could hear what his advisors think of his daughter and brother, but it has gone on long enough and the conversation is quite horrible. Two of his advisors are calling, at minimum, for Loki's banishment to Jotunheim to leave them to figure out what to do with him, or, preferably, his immediate execution. Two others sit uncomfortably watching. Volstagg looks lost. His refereeing has failed and there is nothing left to do other than possibly scream for them to stop this madness and he thinks that would also be useless, only adding to the noise. Hogun observes, as Hogun usually does. And Fandral and Sif defend his brother as though he were their own. This, of all things about this mess, heartens him. He rises, he calls for them to hold, and nothing happens. So he removes Mjolnir from where it sits on the floor beside his chair and slams it into the table. The table shatters and the room falls silent.

"ENOUGH!"

The man with the axe hooks it back at his belt, "But your majesty, Jotunheim has long been the enemy of Asgard- you cannot expect us to ignore this!"

"Yes, yes, actually, I can. You have known Loki since he was but a child. He did not know what he was until his disappearance a few decades ago. Discovery of his race is what led him to seek seclusion. How is it that you could praise him for his wit and his skills in battle then, but now, knowing nothing new of him other than his parentage, can you condemn him? Nothing you know of his character has changed!" Fandral sits when the man across from him does. The man with the axe still stands. So does Sif, glaring. "You are all dismissed. I will send word as to if you are still my advisors after I have had time to think." Four of his advisors leave.

His four friends move closer as Thor slumps in his chair, tossing Mjolnir onto the wreckage of the table.

"Thor? Are you alright?" Fandral asks.

"Be vigilant. Word will travel quickly. Loki told me he fears someone will try to kill him now that his heritage is known. After this, I fear it as well."

"We will listen well and dismiss those of our men we think may be dangerous."

Sif glares at Fandral, "Dismiss? You are far too lenient. Perhaps for those we cannot confirm, but should anyone pose a threat to the royal family, any of its members, I will destroy them."

Thor shakes his head, "I told you, no killing."

"You only said not to kill the court."

"Then I tell you now, do not kill the guard, either, unless they pose a direct threat." Thor swears she looks disappointed.

"We should be worried about what the other two will do as well, not just those who blustered with anger," Hogun says.

"You fear they will cause trouble?"

"Yes. They were far too quiet."

"Track all four of them. And be ever vigilant."

Sif's jaw is set, her expression grim, "With pleasure, my king." And she is gone. Fandal follows.

Thor looks from Hogun to Volstagg, "I suggest following them if you do not wish to be hiding bodies later today."

Volstagg shrugs, "There will be no way to hide them- Sif is not subtle. Anything she does will likely be rather public."

"Not Fandral, though," Hogun replies, "He would remove whomever he finds to a more secluded location. His mind is rather twisted."

"I know this. So please, find ways to keep this without bloodshed. Loki has enough on his mind. He does not need to know things were bad enough that you had to kill to protect him."

"Sif will respect that. I will tell her in those words," Volstagg answers. And then they take their leave. Thor sits, thinking.

"Some days, I hate this job."

High above, Odin still watches. He has been thinking quite a lot as he observes. He wonders if this is what he looked like to Thor after Loki was returned from his attempted invasion of Midgard. And he remembers the look on the younger man's face when he told him that his birthright was to die. He had not expected Loki's response- asking for the axe to fall swiftly so resignedly. He knows what he looked like to Loki- a hateful old man. He realizes that to Thor, this is also what he looked like when he disowned Jenna. A child. And all of this is his legacy.

He travels through the passageways hidden throughout the palace until he comes to Loki's quarters. He rarely uses these places, but once in a while, they have proven useful. He knows Loki will sense him if he keeps himself hidden behind magic, so he drops his spells and moves as silently as he knows how. When he comes to the spot where he can peer into Loki's living space, he is surprised by what he sees. Jenna is curled up against him, a book open across his lap, and he reads. She stops him every so often for questions and he answers. And some times, he stops himself, breathes deeply, and then continues as though the story is hard to speak out loud. When this happens, she takes his hand and waits patiently.

Thor enters. Odin does not anticipate this interruption, and he expects that Loki will be irritated- he has never taken kindly to anyone coming between him and his books. Loki places a hand on the page and Jenna runs to hug her father. Odin can hear a bit of their conversation.

"Father! How did things go after we left?"

"Not too badly."

"Brother, you are a terrible liar."

"Father?"

Thor sighs, "There was little said about you, Jenna. Only one person concerned about the line of ascension and I made it clear that the laws would be changed if I am able to convince the court to abide by new rules. I think I can, especially if you begin to take an active role in the daily life of the palace. You will learn to rule by my side, and they will see you as a capable leader."

"But what about Uncle? What did they say about him?"

"Yes, Thor- what did they say?" Loki is quiet, nervous, and a little more pale than usual.

Thor sits down beside Loki and he knows the news is not good, "Two were silent. Two were very very loud. And they were countered by two very loud voices in your defense, another voice trying to talk everyone into seeing reason, and Hogun, observing so that he might best understand how to proceed."

"Those who were not fond...they called for my death, did they not?"

Jenna jumps up on the couch and throws her arms around his neck, "They had better not touch you!"

"Dear girl...thank you. But what did they say?"

"They were not kind."

"Say the words, Thor. Please," his voice is soft, resigned, and he knows without a doubt what he will hear.

"Banishment on the most lenient end. Execution on the most extreme."

"At least it is not the dungeon." He tries for a smile, to make this some kind of lighthearted jest, but it falls flat. He hugs Jenna, "Be heartened, my dear. Our friends will do their best to keep us all safe. And you know you are brave."

"But they've threatened to kill you..." her voice breaks and she is close to tears.

Thor puts his arms around both of them, "I will take care of you both. They would not dare touch the family of the king."

She cries into Loki's shoulder and he looks to Thor. Thor does not know how to reassure either of them.

Odin leaves his hiding place. Loki was right when he said this has to end. It hurts his heart to see the girl crying and he knows that he cannot continue to hold her at a distance. Watching Loki care for her is eye-opening. It reminds him that there is love even in a heart from Jotunheim- love that Loki once also showed to him. He returns to his own chambers and opens a trunk he has let collect dust for many years. There is a leather folder in it and he opens it, laying out the love letters his children wrote to him and to Frigga. He hesitates- this is a reminder that he once had two sons. A reminder that he is a part of why he now only has one and the other will not speak to him. And he is not sure that he wants to risk regretting those decisions. But he forces himself to pick up the pages.


	25. Chapter 25

Jenna listens to her mother's music often. Not long after they arrived in Asgard, Thor took her entire music collection and put it on little cubes that floated in bowls that somehow amplified what was recorded on them. She has no idea how they work, but she is grateful for her father's foresight. While Thor has a version of Jane's iPod that he carries with him, the discs and vinyl that most of the music had been stored on would not have stood up to the number of times Jenna has replayed the songs. The music is of all sorts- there are jazz pieces, different decades of pop music, rock, classical, movie soundtracks, ethereal world music, and traditional styles from around Midgard. She has at least a hundred cubes to chose from, carefully arranged in a drawer in her father's desk.

She selects one and places it in the bowl. Loreena McKennitt. A Canadian artist with a style that blended sounds from around the globe. Jane called it her "thoughtful music"- something she would put on when she was feeling particularly philosophical about her work or about the way her life had moved from Midgard to Asgard. To Jenna, the songs are lullabies. They are calming, centring, and that is what she needs at the moment. She has been thinking too much about the threats against Loki. She knows that Sif and Fandral have been harshly culling the guards to only those who are able to perform their duties without question or prejudice. Leaving the safety of the palace, though, even for the gardens, suddenly seems scary when it never has before. She listens to the music to calm herself, ground herself, and build her courage.

Loki is trying to stay unafraid, but he knows that he is failing at this miserably. He has refused to spar with Sif a few times when this fear is too strong, preferring to hermit in his rooms. That place, is at least safe, and he has enough books to occupy him. Unlike Jenna, he has nothing to centre him other than books. He has reread "Reaper Man" three times in the week since the revelation to the advisors. "Living on borrowed time" seems apt. When he tells this to Jenna at supper one night, she reminds him that he is missing the point of that phrase in the book- even when Death himself is borrowing time, he knows he must use it wisely. There is no time that can be wasted, especially that which is not one's own. Loki does not know how to take this.

It is Thor who has been making sure he still comes to supper every evening. He has only convinced him to walk in the gardens after with Jenna a few times, and Loki is wary and jumpy during these excursions. It is tiring being on edge, and he goes to bed as soon as they return. On nights with no walks, he retires immediately after supper. Thor is worried when he refuses to read with Jenna, citing his exhaustion.

At the end of this first week, Sif visits him as he is getting ready for bed- he is mildly irritated when he allows her to enter, but she is insistent that he take the time to talk, so he does knowing it will be far easier to talk to her and try to get the conversation finished quickly than it will be to argue with her in the hallway about why she cannot come in.

"You are hiding for no good reason, Loki."

"Oh? A threat on my life is not a good reason?"

"Fandral and I have been ruthless in our quest to rid the guard of those who we think cannot guard the family without prejudice. We have Thor's advisors under watch and we know their comings and goings. You have nothing to fear."

"And what if you are wrong?"

"You are a royal. You once knew that you were constantly under threat and still lived your life- and, I might add, you were far more reckless."

"These are different times, Sif. The hatred for Jotunheim is far stronger than any dissent against the ruling family."

"I think you underestimate just how horrible looking up at this gleaming edifice makes some of our city's poorest residents feel. There are those easily recruited to do terrible things thanks to their desperation and they have attempted acts we never told you or your brother. And they have always been angry. We have not been seriously threatened in centuries, other than Malekith. I repeat. You do not need to be afraid."

"Perhaps I am now because I have more to leave behind."

"Jenna."

"Of course."

"You do her no favours by staying hidden. You only increase her own fear. And that you need not do."

He tosses a pillow that has fallen to the floor back onto the couch, "What would you have me do, Sif? Should I ignore the reality that this body of mine is one reviled by so many simply because of where it was born? Should I pretend that the hatred for it that we are taught since childhood is meaningless? That it has no power to motivate people to do terrible things?"

She recognizes this exasperation and sighs, taking his hands, "No, Loki, I don't expect you to ignore it. I just want you to be brave. I know you are. Revealing yourself to Thor's advisors proved that. You have come this far. But hiding seems so unlike the man I knew in our youth."

"Well it is like me now."

"Because you fear leaving her."

"Yes. And I truly do not wish to die. There are far too many good things in my life for it to end."

She wants to ask if she is one of them, but the question lingers unasked, she steps closer and wraps her arms around his waist, "I have promised Thor that I will take care of any threats quite brutally. Please end your seclusion. Come, spar with me by the moonlight. It will do us both good."

He holds her lightly. They rarely stop to touch like this, like they did at Midsummer's Eve. Flirtations, light touches on the arm as they meet in the halls, holding hands at the table, sparring in the evenings, these are all part of their normal interactions. He knows this is, in part, because Sif feels she must always be the warrior when she might be seen by the men- not someone they could even consider pursuing. Being one of them is a survival tactic and the way she has gained the respect of the guard. But Loki likes the warmth of her body against his and takes great comfort in knowing that she trusts him and only him in this way.

"Sif?"

"Yes?"

"I think I will come with you tonight. But I would like to ask something of you in return."

"Oh?"

"Will you come back here with me after?"

She starts to shake her head, but stops herself, "Only if there is no expectation of anything other than a cup of tea and conversation."

He agrees and goes to get his practice weapons.

In the morning, he wakes on the floor in front of the couch, Sif beside him, their tea cups tucked under the edge of the end table to keep them from being spilled. Their conversation lasted for hours and neither of them wanted to get off the floor when they started to feel tired. So they pulled the blankets down from the back of the couch and snuggled down to sleep. He still has no idea what to call their relationship. She is not just a dear friend, but he cannot think of a word that really fits. When she wakes, he is dressed and ready for the day. She greets him and leaves without waiting for breakfast. For a moment, he wonders if it is because she thinks they might be doing something wrong. He pushes the thought aside. Then he decides to see if Jenna and Thor would like to share breakfast and a walk in the gardens.

Later in the day, Thor leaves to do the business of being king and Jenna, skipping, drags Loki through the palace to her favourite spot- the queen's drawing room. Loki has not been in this room in decades. He left it, untouched, while king. Thor has moved little in it, but there are signs that little hands have been here. It seems fitting. Frigga loved children and would have doted on Jenna even more than he does. Loki clearly remembers a conversation in this room when he was young.

She brushed his hair, braiding small locks to keep it out of his face, "I am sometimes sad that you boys are nearly grown. Your brother only has a few more years before he comes of age. And you a few after."

"You miss the childhood years?"

"Yes. Once, long ago, I also dreamt of a daughter. But then you came along and I knew that my family was complete with sons. You came at a time when I was grieving the loss of Thor's infant years. No more nursing to sleep in the afternoon sun, or listening to him coo as he played with his feet. And I loved you all the same as I would have loved a girl. You were perfect and tiny and beautiful with your dark hair and bright eyes."

"And now? I look nothing like the others- no one else has such dark hair. Except for Sif, and that is not her blood."

"No, that is your mischief. But you are still perfect and beautiful."

"Do you still sometimes wish for a daughter?"

"No. Now I wish for a granddaughter that I will watch my sons raise as a warrior-scholar queen, a child who will see life from both sides as her father and uncle teach her well."

"You always tell us we are yet to young to consider marriage."

She smiled and ruffled his hair, "Of course you are. But that does not mean I do not look forward to the long future we have together."

Loki is so lost in this memory that he does not hear the door open.

"What are you doing here, boy?" Odin does not see Jenna at the window.

"I am here to think. Jenna loves this place. It is beautiful, and strong. And it still smells of her flowers and oils."

"Yet you disowned her as you did me. Why?" He wanted this to sound more curious, but everything still sounds so harsh, even to his own ears. Blunt. Perhaps he is incapable of being any other way.

Loki bristles, "Can you still not understand this? How much I once sought to cut myself off from you? It is only thanks to Thor and Jenna that I have come to some sort of peace about myself and my place in a family. Can we please move on to condemning me for more recent sins?"

"You forget that to me, those are recent sins. I was not aware for decades."

"True." He sighs, "But please. This journey has been long and I am weary of it. I wish to exist. That is all."

"Fine. You exist. I did not expect you to tell in what state you exist to the advisors yesterday."

"Word has traveled?"

"I have ears in all places."

"Of course. The All-Father is all ears." He smiles a little at his own jest, "Jenna asked that I be brave with her, and so I did my best. I cannot say I felt all that successful, but she is satisfied that I tried, even though I was terribly nervous."

"Were you told what was said?"

Loki has had enough, "Odin, get to your point. I know that it nearly came to blows. And I know that I am at risk. But I am not going to speak of such things. It is far too upsetting-" he nods toward the window where Jenna sits, very still, "-especially for one I love dearly." He gently punctuates his last four words as though to set himself apart from Odin, to remind him of his choices.

It is only then that Odin sees the girl sitting in the window, "Ah." There is an awkward silence and then he leaves abruptly.

Jenna hops from the window and hugs Loki, "I don't like how angry he sounded."

"I did my best to stay civil."

"Would it have gotten worse?"

"Likely. But you will not hear such things."

I love you, Uncle."

He holds her hand as they leave for lunch, "I love you, too, my dear. You are a wonder."


	26. Chapter 26

Loki knows that the All-Father will return to continue their conversation. He tucks Jenna in for bed and leaves quickly once Thor has finished his duties. He wants to be alone when Odin returns.

And surely, Odin does; he comes late, and finds Loki attempting to read, "You were expecting me."

"Of course. It is your nature."

"Oh?"

"You always ended our conversations when you believed Mother was coming. And they always continued much later, when I was alone, usually here, with no place I could retreat to if I felt cornered."

"You feel this way now."

"Of course. Where is my gracious out? It does not exist. I can demand you leave and nothing more."

Odin nods, "The comments after you left Thor's advisors were not pleasant to hear."

"I am certain."

"You are aware they called for your death."

"Yes. Which you have called for as well. And, with the decades missing from your timeline, you called for it relatively recently."

"I did."

"Why have you come?"

"I do not know. Perhaps because it is something she would have done. I want to know something." Again, his comment comes across as too blunt. But he feels his anger returning and he cannot entirely stop it.

"And that would be?"

"Why do you yet claim her as your mother when you denied her in your cell? She was your mother, she raised you from a child, she gifted you lessons in her arts, and yet you hurt her in this way? For what? Revenge? Anger against me? I brought you from that hell and raised you here in the palaces of Asgard! You would be dead were it not for me!" After he has finished, Odin realizes that he has spectacularly failed at keeping his temper in check. He expects Loki will not react well.

Loki starts off attempting calm, but he knows it will not last by the time he is done speaking, "Why? Because she loved me, even then. Because even once I knew, she treated me no differently, handed me the throne when you fell into sleep while Thor was banished. She trusted me, Odin, something which you have never done. Even when we were children, you treated me with suspicion. Everything, Loki's fault. Was something broken? Assume it was Loki. Were there tricks played or little plots hatched? It was Loki. Something lost? Loki. There was never a time when I was innocent of anything. Even on the Bifrost, as I hung, yearning for your voice to reassure me, I was guilty of everything. No explanation could satisfy, no need to not be what I was, no hurt great enough to motivate. I was, in your eyes, always a scheming, conniving, brat from Jotunheim!" He throws his book into the corner and falls back on the couch, "You should have left me to die on the rock if that was how you planned to raise me. It would have been a greater mercy than to raise me to hate myself."

Odin is ready to yell, to curse Loki and beat him with words, but he hears Frigga's voice in his memory as she cried out believing him gone over into the Void and he stops, his anger barely controlled, "I did not intend to raise you that way. Nor did she."

"But did you, at any point, try not to?"

The question disarms him entirely, "What?"

"Did you ever actively attempt not to? To make sure that I learned of Jotunheim as something other than a realm of monsters? To ignore that part of me so that I might be on equal status with your son?"

"I did. And that is why I told you the same stories."

"You never intended that I find out."

"I hoped to never have to tell you. Not until Jotunheim's king died, at the very least."

"You intended to place me on the throne of a realm I was raised to despise."

"I did not raise you to despise them."

"Do you understand how stories work? They shape what we are, how we see the world. They are our window into other places and minds. And all the stories you read to me were ones that treated that place as though it were nothing but deserving of ruination and destruction. And then you wonder why my first action upon discovering that I was one of them was to attempt to eradicate it."

"And why is Frigga exempt from this rage?"

Loki sits up, "Even when I hated Asgard, she sought me. Thor learned this from her. She sent books I love and came to me in my cell against your orders. She did not believe I was irredeemable. And that is why I still hold her so dear. In my darkest moments, she still wanted to be my mother. And you wanted to have me killed and you would not let anyone I knew speak to me to tell me she was dead. I think the difference is clear."

Odin wants to justify himself, to go on the defensive, to try to tell Loki he had no other choice after Midgard, but Loki's expression speaks volumes- there is nothing he can do that will make it hurt less. Instead of responding immediately, Odin takes a moment to think.

"Loki. I do not understand you. I do not think I ever will. But I do, at least, understand why her actions would speak to you. And let us leave it at that." With a nod, he leaves the room.

Loki is confused. This did not end as he thought it would. He makes tea and sends for Thor.


	27. Chapter 27

The first thing Loki says when Thor enters is, "Your father is confusing."

"Oh? What did he do this time?"

"He continued the conversation we were having when Jenna was in the room."

"She mentioned that he spoke to you. She was unhappy."

"I know she was. I did what I could to end the conversation gently, but I should have been more forceful earlier. I just did not want him to become angry and frighten her."

Thor nods and pats his shoulder, "Good thinking, Brother. What did he say when he returned?"

"I do not wish to go into detail, but he asked why I could accept Mother and not him. And I told him. He was not happy, but there was something different this time. He raged for a while, but in the end, he said he did not understand me and never would, but that he could at least understand why Mother's actions spoke to me. And then he left."

"This is not usual for him."

"No. Not at all. When did you speak to him last?"

"When I told him of Jenna's decision."

"And did you converse, or merely inform him?"

"We did not converse."

"And before this?"

"We went weeks without speaking."

Loki hands Thor a cup of tea and then settles to sip his own, "He has been left with only his thoughts."

"Brother, do you think it is possible that he has reconsidered his feelings about you?"

"I do not know."

Thor studies him, "Do you not know, or are you thinking of something and thus not answering until you can put it to words?"

"I dare not hope." Loki sighs, "Thor, did you ever consider asking him what he said to me after you left me in chains?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever?"

"I asked Mother. She told me little."

"She was not present. And even if she knew what he was to say, I doubt she wanted to think him capable of it."

"Loki, what did he tell you?"

Loki fiddles with his teaspoon, "I asked that if the axe were to fall, to please just do it. No more pretenses or conversations. Just let it happen. After all, if my birthright was to die, as he said just moments prior, why not? And he sent me to the cell. Life imprisoned, a declaration that I was to live and die alone, cut off from anyone who might still love me."

Silence. Thor cannot think of anything to say. He sets his tea aside and walks closer to his brother. Loki walks away and sits down at his desk, placing his tea on the little shelf above it. Then he drops his head into his hands. Thor follows and wraps his arms around him, resting his chin on Loki's shoulder.

"He has brought these memories to the surface."

"They have never been far from it, Thor. Never. But yes, he asked why Mother deserved my mercy and he did not. And I told him exactly why."

"Speak, Brother. You need to say the words. I hear them waiting on your lips."

"He wanted me dead and she never thought to leave me," he whispers. Thor feels the heartbreak in his voice as though it were his own.

"I did not know he told you he wanted to kill you."

"Yes. And he told me that it was only Mother's love that kept me alive. But he sought to destroy her grace by keeping me from ever seeing her again. Thank all that is sacred that she was defiant right to her end. Denying her was, by far, the worst thing I have ever done."

"I know that is how you feel. But she did not give up on you, even then."

"Of course not. That was not her nature. And your daughter seems to have inherited this gift for grace and mercy."

Thor smiles, "Jenna is so much both Mother and Jane. Bold, thoughtful, caring, and ever persistent in her love."

"She has learned well from her father." Loki sits up and Thor takes a step back, "But this does not, ultimately, deal with the problem of Odin. We cannot go on like this. It hurts too deeply. I have told him what I can. What he has done through my eyes. If he cannot accept this, I do not wish to speak to him again. And if he does some day choose to embrace Jenna, I do not want him to put her in a position where she feels torn between us."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I do not know. I would hope he comes to beg Jenna's forgiveness, but I do not think that realistic."

"Nor do I. But as neither of us have any thoughts, and tomorrow is a feast day, shall we ride to the city? There will be revels in the square, and merchants with carts of wonderful things. Perhaps it will take your mind off this for a while."

"I do not wish to be recognized."

"That will not be hard to arrange. The city will be shoulder to shoulder with people. It is Bor's birthday. No one stays home."

"Have you taken Jenna before?"

"Yes."

"Then yes. Let us leave this place. At least if we are out, I will have no more uncomfortable conversations with your father. But first, we must sleep."

"Be gentle with yourself, Brother. It seems that you are once again defining yourself only through Father's eyes. Instead, try seeing yourself through Jenna's. Or mine. Anyone who loves you, if that is not yourself."

"Thank you, Thor."

"Sleep well. Tomorrow we will rise early. If you have not had breakfast with our fellow Aesir from carts in the square, you have not experienced this city. It will remind you what we all can be to one another." He leaves.

Loki crawls into bed without changing his clothes. The little owl Jenna cuddles with when she sleeps in his bed is on his night stand. He retrieves it and holds it close to his chest as he did so many times as a child. With so much on his mind, he needs the comfort of something that was his mother's.


	28. Chapter 28

Loki rises early, despite the late night. There is something about leaving the palace that has him excited, even though he is incredibly nervous. There is a chill on the air and he dresses and drapes a light cloak over his shoulders. He has left his hair down so that it might sometimes obscure his face and he puts his deep hood up. It will be hard to recognise him.

There will be tempting things sold from the carts in the square, scents both familiar and foreign on the air. Sweet things, salted meats, roasted nuts, and fresh bread. He meets Thor at his room, dressed similarly, Jenna also in her own deep-hooded cloak. There will be guards, of course, but they will let the royal family travel in obscurity as much as possible. They ride out when the sun is barely over the horizon.

The square is already teeming with people. Mulled ciders and wines steam from heavy mugs held by shoppers as they ward off the damp of the turning seasons. Flower girls offer posies for just a few coins and boys twist little sculptures out of wire to sell on the corners. There is a woman dancing with fans of fire on a stage set up in the middle of the square. A fiddler accompanies her and a crowd of children gasps in delight at her performance.

Loki has always felt slightly awkward moving among the people of the city. But he has been trying so hard in the palace to be kind to his servants, to treat them as equal beings, that he wishes he did not need to keep the hood up here. It would not be safe, though, with the guard so spread among the crowd, to reveal himself.

Jenna takes his hand and moves him through the sea of colour after her father. He is seeking food and there are so many carts selling so many things to eat that she does not know how she will ever decide.

When they catch up, her father hands them steaming wooden plates and they sit down at the long plank tables in front of the carts. Fried eggs on toast, beans in sauce, sausages, and pan fried summer squash. It is so much different than their elegant breakfasts on fine china in the palace dining halls, but there is also a greater sense of community out here. People talk across the tables, pass baskets of bread between them, and get one another more to drink without hesitation. Breakfast is a social event. In the palace, it is often treated as the time to start the day's business, with messengers and advisors coming in to sit a while, deliver news, and leave after having had a cup of tea.

They return their plates and then wander the stalls. Jenna tries to forget that they are surrounded by hidden guards. She does not like being watched. While Thor stops to talk to a fish merchant about the year's catch, she takes Loki to a stall selling painted silk scarves.

She hears a booming voice, "Ah, fancy seeing you here!" One of her father's advisors has greeted him and is talking to him animatedly. She returns to the scarves, trying to hide in plain sight. They have been identified. Soon there will be a crowd, or they will have to leave before one gathers.

A short distance away, Sif cautiously watches the exchange. There is something wrong and she cannot place her finger on it. This is one of the advisors that said nothing when Loki revealed himself. She looks around to see what he might be up to. She signals to Fandral and keeps watch.

The man strides to Loki and greets him as well, "And how are you on this fine day?"

"Well. Yourself?"

"Could be better, but there is not much that a celebration in the square cannot fix."

He says nothing to Jenna and Loki returns to perusing the scarves. Sif thinks his next action is odd- he brushes back his hair over the top of his head when none of it is out of place. He is looking in the distance. She scans the windows and balconies on the other side of the square.

Fandral intercepts the advisor not long after he has turned away from Loki and Jenna. He appears anxious. Fandral delays, stepping him back towards the stall. And then he hears it, the whizzing of an arrow. He shoves the man back towards Loki and hears a thud as it hits flesh. Chaos erupts.

Sif sees the glint of metal on an upper balcony. She calls to Hogun and his bow is ready in a heartbeat. He fires, but not before she sees a second arrow fired. She runs toward Thor, fearing it is meant for the king.

Loki is frozen for only a moment. There is a man on the ground not far from his feet with an arrow in his chest. He knows it was meant for him. He turns and shoves Jenna back and feels something strike the back of his shoulder, tearing through muscle, lodging in bone. She stumbles to the ground. He drops beside her and yells for her to move. She scrambles under a table.

Hogun's arrow finds it's mark and a body crumples on the balcony. Sif dispatches the guards.

Fandral has a knife to the throat of the man on the ground, "You had best start talking quickly."

"No."

Fandral slaps the arrow and the man yells in pain, "Speak, damn it, or I will do far worse. How many are there? And if you lie to me, you die in the most painful way I can imagine. I am very creative, so you may wish to speak truth and do so quickly."

"Just the two of us."

"Were the others part of planning this?"

"Yes."

He calls for guards, "Take him to the dungeons and interrogate him without mercy. Gather the other advisors. Search their homes. Interview their families."

There is fear in the square and every soldier is working to keep some semblance of order. Volstagg is in one corner of the stall with the shopkeeper, who stares, panic stricken, as guards work to keep people away from the king. Everything has happened so quickly that he has little in the way of assurances to give. He hardly knows what has happened himself. He sees a flurry of activity on the balcony as Hogun and the guards reach the man trying to pull himself up on the railing.

Sif tries to report what she observed to Thor, but Fandral interrupts, "Sif, stop. Where are Jenna and Loki?" She pales and turns toward the shop. There is a little blood on the ground, but she does not see them. All three of them run into the stall.

Under the table, Loki is trying to stay calm, but Jenna's breathing is quick, her eyes darting from his face to the world outside their little shelter, hidden from view by a tablecloth, "Jenna, Jenna...I need you to focus. Are you alright?" She nods, "Good. Stay quiet."

"They tried to kill us!"

"Technically just me, but please, breathe. You are safe."

"No, no, no... What if they come for you? Will they kill me, too?"

He places a hand on her shoulder close to her neck so he can keep her still, "Jenna. Please. Focus on my voice. You need to calm. To breathe. You are alive. I am alive. We need to take time to think." She dissolves into tears, shaking. He is reminded just how young she is. Despite all her wisdom, all her kindness, she is still a child, and she is terrified. He cannot move to hold her, there is no room, so he places his other hand on her other shoulder and softly sings the pieces he can remember of one of Jane's songs.

She manages a few deep breaths and steadies herself a little. Then she notices the blood trickling down Loki's arm, dripping from his elbow onto his trousers.

"You're bleeding. And rather a lot."

"Yes. But it is not a mortal wound."

She pales, "An arrow."

"Yes, and it is burrowed deep in my shoulder."

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"Excruciatingly. But I have felt worse."

"You are pale. Should I do something about it?"

"No. Do not touch it. I can stave off the worst of it with enchantments."

"You should put your arm down." She removes his hand from her shoulder and folds his arm across his chest, "There. Keep still."

"Dear girl..."

The table cloth jerks up and there crouches SIf, "I found them! They're alive!"

Thor and Fandrall rush over. Thor eases Jenna out from under the table.

"Loki is hurt."

"Are you?" Thor asks, picking her up and holding her close.

"No, Father. I am not."

Fandral eases Loki from under the table and Sif inspects the wound, "It is deep. This will require skilled hands."

Fandral excuses himself, "I have royal advisors to interrogate. Get him to the infirmary quickly. He is bleeding more than I like."

"I am bleeding more than I like as well."

Sif calls for their horses and they are off. As he rides, Loki tries to fight back the thoughts that spring to mind. The outside world is too dangerous. He cannot ever reveal his race to the realm. Doing so would put Jenna in harm's way and he has sworn to protect her. So he must stay hidden for her safety. It is the only logical conclusion.


	29. Chapter 29

Sif comes to Loki's chambers after dusk on the day of the assassination attempt. She has spent most of the day with Fandral listening to the four advisors rant about why Loki deserves to die. It has been exhausting and she is horrified. Fandral is asleep in Thor's guest bed. He was too tired to go to his own home. Sif is too worried to sleep.

She knocks on his door and waits.

Loki is upright in bed, blankets up to his waist, reading, when he hears the familiar knock, "You may enter." He waits. The door opens and clicks closed softly. She appears in his bedroom doorway, "Good evening, Sif."

"Hello, Loki."

"You are visiting rather late, are you not?"

"Yes. The interrogations were far more involved than we anticipated."

"Oh?"

"The four worked together. Thor will have to choose new advisors. His current ones are being charged with treason. Fandral let them talk at length. Their words were not easy ones to hear."

"Ah."

"I do not yet know their sentence. They will go before the king."

"Traditionally, treason comes with a death sentence."

"It did not for you."

"No, it did. Do not think that I was not handed that sentence upon my return."

"He sentenced you to death?"

It still hurts to hear it said out loud, "Yes, but for my mother's grace..."

"Oh. I did not know."

"I have told only Thor, and only as of yesterday. Now you."

She crosses her arms and leans on the door frame, "Today has been more difficult for me than I anticipated. It seems that thoughts of your death are more troubling to me than they once were."

"Because of what I have done, it was once easier?" He wants to shut down, to retreat to the book and possibly the liquor cabinet, and push her away so he does not have to hear what she has to say. But he also needs to hear it, in case his worst fears are not unfounded.

"We were once such good friends. I was so deeply confused when you fell. I mourned, yes, but you had sent the Destroyer after Thor. And then you returned in chains and Thor mentioned something horrible had happened in Midgard and I wished you had been dead so I did not have to watch you destroy yourself. My loyalties were to Thor and there was no question in my mind that if you betrayed him on your quest for vengeance, I would kill you. You were no longer the friend I had known. And then believing you dead again, and so heroically, it was almost enough to redeem you. A reminder that somewhere in your heart, you were still the person I had adored."

"May I ask what you felt when Thor returned with me this time?"

"Confusion. But also relief. And as you told more of your story, I did not know what to think. Fandral and I spent a very long night talking things through. He was more forgiving than I."

"And yet here you are."

"Things have changed."

She appears uneasy confessing these things, so Loki pats the bed beside him, "Please, come sit."

"This is your bedroom."

"Yes. And my bed. And all I ask is that you come sit. We have never had expectations of anything else." It is the first time he has asked anyone but Jenna or Thor to enter this inner sanctuary in many many years.

She comes and perches on the edge of the bed, "Thank you."

"You are always welcome."

"How are you feeling?"

"In which respect?"

"Either."

"The arrow tore deep and struck bone. The shoulder is bound in place, and I am using enchantments to mask the worst of the pain. They say it will be a few weeks, possibly longer, before it fully mends. Unless, of course, I somehow sabotage my own healing as I did with my legs."

"And how are you feeling in the other meaning of the words?"

"Terrified, Sif. And deeply sad."

"I felt something today that I have not felt in years."

Loki reaches for her hand and brushes his fingers over hers before resting there, "Oh? And what was that?"

She does not want to put this into words, but she knows that she needs to tell someone; her words come soft, barely louder than a whisper, "The urge to cry."

"Sif, I..."

"I have not felt it since you cut my hair. Since we were children. And suddenly when I saw blood on the ground and could not see you, I wanted to scream for you, to sob, to pray to one of the village gods that you were alive. I realized later that Thor likely felt the same when he could not see Jenna."

"Oh..."

"I do not wish to feel that way ever again."

"Sif, I...I do not think you will, at least not related to me."

"How can you be so certain?"

"Because no one else is going to know I am here in the palace, and no one is going to know I am of Jotunheim. It is too dangerous. Revealing myself is a threat to Jenna and I cannot be that. So I am going to seclude myself in this room and live a hermitted life. No more sparring, no more feasts. No walks in the gardens. No Midsummer's Eve. A gilded cage, but the only way I can keep her safe. It is over."

"No."

"What?"

"I cannot let you live like that."

"You cannot make me live any other way. Jenna is precious. A child who will some day rule this realm as a wise and powerful queen, much like her grandmother. And if her relationship with me puts her in harm's way, as it did today, I have failed her."

"Is Jenna the only person who matters in this? Not your own self? Not your brother?" She wants to add "not me?" but does not.

He struggles to find his answer, "I don't know. Yes, I suppose so. I am so sorry, Sif." He expects her to leave. The unasked question is fairly obvious.

"Rethink this." She stands and starts for the door, but stops. She returns to the bed and kisses his forehead, "Please, Loki. For the sake of those who would dearly miss you." And then she is gone.

He hears the door click shut and he sets his book on the night stand. He turns out the lamp and settles down on the pillow. His heart is heavy. Exhaustion, though, is stronger and he is soon fast asleep.


	30. Chapter 30

Jenna asks about her uncle ever few hours after they return to the palace. Thor brings her updates until she knows Loki is comfortable in his own rooms. She wants to run to him, but her father tells her that he must rest, she can see him in the morning. She waits, but not patiently.

After breakfast, she dashes to his chambers and knocks on the door. He calls for her to enter, and she finds him sitting up in bed, his breakfast tray set to one side. She does not wait for an invitation, but climbs up beside him, tucking her legs under his blankets and snuggling against him.

"I have never been so scared." She wraps her arms around his waist.

"I am sorry to have been the cause of it." He embraces her, resting his lips against her hair.

"Are you going to be OK?"

"I will be, little one. I will. How are you?"

"Still freaked out. Somebody tried to kill you."

"Not just any somebody, my dear."

"Father's advisors. He told me. I am horrified. And terrified."

"They cannot hurt you. They will spend the short remainder of their days in the dungeons."

"I know. But they had you shot..."

"And I will recover."

"But will you really? Or will this just make it harder for you in the long run? And I am so sorry. I asked you to reveal your nature to them..." She starts crying.

He gently rocks her, "No, Jenna. Do not blame yourself for this for an instant. They made their own choices."

"But-"

"No. No buts. This is not yours to take blame for."

She sniffles and then steals a piece of sausage from his breakfast try, "Thank you. I love you."

"And, apparently, my breakfast."

"I will call for more, if you wish. I can smuggle pastries from the kitchen, too. I know where they keep them."

"No, but thank you, I am finished. Help yourself. Did your father teach you where to find the pastries?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

"He used to sneak them in the evenings when we were children so we could have picnics in the nursery. You are so much like your father."

"Father says I am so much like my mother and grandmother."

"You learned well from your parents, and your father learned well from your grandmother."

"Did you?"

"Yes. And I am trying my hardest to be better than my worst nature."

"Father says you are more like your mother than you realise. You feel everything deeply and that means you hurt big and you react big."

"He is probably right."

"I don't want anyone to kill you. I like you. And you are kind. They cannot kill someone who is kind, can they?"

"My little love, hatred for Jotunheim runs deep."

"I hope Father can change things."

He strokes her hair and tries to smile for her, "I hope so, too, my darling niece. But change cannot happen overnight. You may not see as much of me in the near future. I will need to rest and recover, but also to stay quiet so this passes by."

She is quiet and unhappy with his answer, but there is little she can do about it. She nestles a little more comfortably against him and falls asleep. Loki adjusts his pillows and settles down beside her, dozing off shortly after. When Thor gets no answer from his knocks at the door, he lets himself in and finds the pair sleeping cuddled together. He sits down on Loki's couch to wait and picks up the book left on the end table. "A Hat Full of Sky". The cover is interesting and he recognizes it as one of Jane's books. While they sleep, he reads. When Jenna wakes, they leave Loki a note and leave him to his rest.

Loki's shoulder heals slowly and, as this is the second time he has experienced this, he wonders if there is something about this body from Jotunheim that is responding more slowly to Aesir medicine now that he is older. It would not surprise him, but there is little on the anatomy of Jotunheim's creatures in the library, so he is left to ponder.

A few weeks after the attempt on his life, he has convinced himself that not only is revealing himself to anyone else far too dangerous for Jenna, but possibly seeing her at all is too risky. His self-imposed isolation increases his paranoia. So he tells Thor that he needs his rest, that healing is taking far too much of his energy, and that there is nothing left of him for reading. He sleeps far longer than he should and he cannot concentrate on his books or on Jane's books. The loneliness gives him far too much time to think and his thoughts are nearly all difficult ones to linger on, but linger on them he does.

After not seeing her uncle at all for three weeks, Jenna is restless and worried. She selects a new book from her mother's shelves- "A Study in Scarlet"- and goes to his chambers. When she knocks, there is no answer, so she knocks again. She hears a shuffling from somewhere in the room.

"Uncle? Please answer."

A few moments later, the door clicks open, "Jenna."

"May I enter?"

"Is it not dangerous for you to do so?"

"I see no reason why it would be."

He opens the door and she bounds in and throws both arms around him, "I have missed you so much." He looks tired, and she wonders when the last time was that he brushed his hair.

Loki hugs her back, "I know. I have missed you as well. But I thought it best that I not see you for safety's sake."

"Why would it not be safe?"

He sits on the couch and she follows, placing the book in his lap, "If I am a target, and you are with me...I cannot endanger you and if they told anyone... No. You are too dear."

"And this is why you hide?"

"It is not hiding. It is seclusion."

She shrugs, "It is the same thing. You may call it what you like. But I love you, Uncle. And the only others outside of our blood and built family who know of your heritage are in the dungeons. Two have been executed, two await it. No one else knows."

"I never said my reaction was a rational one."

"No, you did not." She smiles a little, "But I am still going to come for you. You have been alone for far too long." She taps the cover of the book, "Now, read to me."

"You are not afraid?"

"No. Not of you. Not of anyone trying to hurt you. You are my uncle and I love you dearly."

"I love you as well, dear niece."

She kisses his cheek, "I know. Come, let's read this one. If you like it, there are many more stories that follow it." He opens the book and begins to read.

Late that night, long after Jenna has returned to her own rooms and been tucked into bed, Loki lays awake thinking. Part of him wants to stay hiding, to reduce his existence in the palace to merely a rumour no one can confirm. There is temptation to blame himself for what happened in the square, to tell himself that had he not wanted to leave the palace, none of this would have happened and Jenna would not have seen him with an arrow protruding from his shoulder, blood trickling down his arm. But after speaking to her and seeing her so unafraid, there is also a very small voice of doubt that has begun to chip away at this plan to never leave his room. And he has been so very lonely these three weeks. Scholarly pursuits occupy him well for a while and he has plenty he can study, but having had a family after being alone for decades, he does not really want to return to being by himself. Jenna and Thor fill a hole he has been yearning to fill since Odin rejected him on the Bifrost. A hole he filled by quests for power, and fear instead of love. And then there is Sif, who has asked to spar with him every other day for the past three weeks, returning despite rejection after rejection. He misses how things were before when they would spar and she would sometimes sit with him after for a cup of tea, occasionally staying the night when their conversations lead to them both dozing off on the couch.

"No one else knows..." he mutters. There is something reassuring about it. He can go back to before, to when the only person who showed him hostility was Odin. Suddenly there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel, a reason he can leave the room, at least, and still be safe.

The next morning, he surprises Jenna by showing up at Thor's door for breakfast with a book. She is elated. She curls up against him on the couch and slips the book from his hands- one of the Pratchett books. She has been practicing making different voices while storytelling and she is excited to try it with him. Thor sits at his desk, listening to the story while he works.

That evening, after Jenna has been tucked in bed by both her father and uncle, Loki retreats to his rooms to find Sif waiting for him there, "Shall we spar by moonlight? It is full and bright in the training yards, and there is a nice chill to the air."

"I do not know." She follows him into his rooms, "But I do know that you were right. I must not stay secluded for the rest of my life."

"Did Jenna convince you to leave the room?"

"Yes. She is not afraid of being with me. So I will at least travel to Thor's quarters and back."

"You will be safe in the training yards as well. And, as always, I will be mindful of your injuries."

"Are you certain?"

"Of course. Who would dare attack you there?"

He turns to face her and realizes they are closer than he thought. She has been standing slightly behind him to one side while he absentmindedly tidies around the couch. He goes to step back, but she takes his hand and does not let him.

"Sif, for propriety's sake, we are too close."

She smiles and shakes her head, a finger raised to his lips, "No."

"But you always slip in and out of your visits as though you fear someone will see you. You cannot tell me that these things do not matter."

She laughs a little, "No, I leave quickly because I have tea with Fandral every morning and have done so for years. I leave quickly because I like my large soaking tub. I leave quickly because there are these things I like to keep constant. But I am not ashamed of someone making assumptions. You are my...my...my friend. Now, shall we take to the training yards?"

"If you insist."

"Yes. We will keep things slow, as you are one handed. But it will be nice, even if we do not challenge one another." She steps back, but keeps his hand. "Come." He follows.

The training yards are bright with the full moon and Sif has brought knives to train with. Their fights are quick and close. He is skilled, even with only one hand, and she delights in testing just how much he can do without his second weapon. When he bests her, knocking her to the ground, she waits for a moment, grinning, before grabbing his arm and tugging him down to his knees.

"Were I to have done that faster, you would have fallen flat and I would have won."

"Having no spare arm to catch myself with, I am glad you did not."

She pulls herself up and they are nose to nose, so close they can feel the warmth from one another's breath, "I told you I would be careful."

"Lady Sif, ever gentle- I do not think I have heard you given that title before."

"If you were not injured I would shove you over backwards just to disprove you."

Loki grins, "Oh would you now? And what, dear lady, would you do once you had me on my back?"

She playfully nudges his good shoulder, "Beat the living daylights out of you."

"I could take that in such a deliciously dangerous direction..."

"Dangerous for you, you mean."

"Oh yes." He rests his hand on her hip and waits for that promised beating to come anyway. He knows he is pushing boundaries- even when she stays the night, they merely cuddle close and hold hands at most. He wonders if the full moon has done something to him. His mother one told him that people became moondrunk when the night looks as the day and they do foolish things and take risks they would not otherwise take.

But she does not bludgeon him, push him away, or snap at him to take his hand off her. Instead, she wraps her arms around him and rests her head on his shoulder, "Not right now. Right now, I need what we had at Midsummer's Eve. For one brief, terrible moment, I thought I had lost you. And then again to yourself when you refused to leave your chambers for weeks. And as much as I loathe to admit I do not have a heart of stone, I need you, however you are."

He is certain that this must be moondrunk, "What are we, Sif? We are not simply friends, nor are we lovers."

"Would you like to be?" she asks, nuzzling against his neck.

He is stunned that this is even a possibility. Since he discovered his heritage, he has assumed that he will live and die alone. No partner, no family, no deep and abiding friendships. It has only been since Thor rescued him from death at Thanos' hand that he has even considered that he might not. He has since accepted a new truth- that he will be part of Thor's family, but never have a branch of his own. He will have a built family, constructed of a few close friends in addition to Thor and Jenna. And he has chosen to be happy with this. Sif's question is, to him, asking the impossible.

He sits her back and looks her in the eye, "What did you ask?"

"Did I offend you? I asked if you would like to be my lover."

"I...I do not know if I can answer that."

"Why not?"

"Because until this moment, I did not even think such a thing possible."

"Think what possible?"

"That I might ever have someone."

She moves to sit beside him and takes his hand, "Why would you not? Did you not dream as a young man of taking a partner? Of having a someone to share this journey with?"

"Not after I discovered what I am, no. Every dream ended there."

"Oh."

"So while I would love to see where we will go, you are asking a question that I did not think I would ever hear, and I have convinced myself that should I hear it, I should decline immediately."

"But you did not."

"I do not want to."

"Then why should you?"

"Because I do not want to ask another to deal with all of what is in my mind. I do not want someone else to be burdened with my secrets. And I do not want to pass any of this on to children, so there will be none."

"I already know some of your secrets. And you have trusted me with pieces of your thoughts and thusfar I have not fled. So I do not see that as an impediment."

"And the last?"

"The last is the most difficult. I am undecided on whether or not I wish to bear children."

"Sif, choosing me would be making that decision for you. I cannot do that to you."

She stands and offers him her hand; he accepts, "I know."

"I'm sorry, I should end this. You are the Lady Sif, shieldmaiden of Asgard. I am Loki, no-one's-son, child of Jotunheim. While I am deeply indebted to you for all you have done for me, I cannot ask you to tie your fate to mine." He lets go of her hand and begins to walk away.

She follows him, "You said you would love to see where this goes, that you did not want to end it."

"Want and should are two very different things."

"Loki, stop."

"I cannot."

She grabs his good shoulder and forces him to turn towards her, "Yes. You can."

"Sif, please..."

She cups his face in her hands, "You are not going to act against your own heart. Not this time. I am no air-headed lady of the court. I am, as you said, shieldmaiden to the king. And I know what is in my heart and mind. You asked what we are? I do not know. But I want to find out. And if that means I bind myself to you, then so be it. The question will be answered. You are pushing back because of what happened in the square. And I am pursuing for the same reason. Loki, when I realized you had been shot, I felt as though my own heart had been shattered. This will not simply end because you are afraid."

"I am sorry..."

Instead of answering she softly kisses him.

"Oh my..."

"Now speak your heart."

"Yes. We will see where this goes."

She smiles and takes his hand. She walks him to his rooms and then says goodnight, her own down bed waiting.

Loki falls asleep wondering what it would be like to have someone next to him at night.


	31. Chapter 31

Jenna likes seeing Loki happy. It has been a few months since he was shot in the square and he seems to have recovered from the experience boh physically and mentally. He is quietly courting Sif and her father gently teases them both when they take supper together. Through Loki's eyes, his ladies have saved him from himself and he is greatly indebted to them. He tells Jenna this and she curls up to him with a huge smile and a hug. He tells Sif this and she kisses his cheek and then tosses him a quarterstaff.

Loki and Jenna read together again. She brings him books every other day and he brings her books on the days between. It has snowed a few times and they ward off the evening chill, as Loki often leaves his windows open, by piling pillows and blankets on the floor in front of a roaring fire, reading snuggled together in the early evening darkness.

Loki likes this life. It is not too complicated. There is time for books, for Sif, for family suppers and long walks in the frosted gardens. Even though it is cold, he still spars in the late evenings after reading to Jenna. The feeling of the winter air on his skin is exhilarating and he does not mind that he can see his breath- he is comfortable in the cold, a trait, he believes, comes from Jotunheim. He has started to let her aim for his legs and is incredibly proud of the fact that he can usually tell her in advance if he will be able to handle it or not. There have only been a handful of times in the past month when he has had to stop the fight. And sometimes, she stays the night, cuddling with him under his blankets until the early morning hours when she slips out to return home to her soaker tub and her morning tea with Fandral.

Loki takes breakfast a variety of ways- sometimes alone, often with Jenna and Thor, sometimes in their chambers, sometimes in one of the small dining halls. This morning, Sif has met them in the dining hall for her second cup of tea. She and Jenna plan to go riding and to talk about the expectations for ladies of the court. Jenna has asked her father to be introduced as Asgard's princess before too long and she has much to learn. Loki is happy to see that she is undeterred by everything that has happened since their introduction to the advisors. She may be more resolute.

When only Thor and Loki remain, Odin enters and approaches the table, "Good morning."

Thor, his mouth full of eggs, nods in greeting; Loki forces a smile, "Good morning to you as well."

"May I join you?"

"Yes, so long as you are here with good intentions only."

Odin hesitates, then sits, "I do not know what you consider good intentions, but I do not wish to argue."

"Those are intentions good enough," Loki answers.

"It has been a long time since we have spoken, Father. Are you well?"

"I am, thank you. It has been over a month since I have spoken to either of you."

Neither brother knows what to say in response. Thor wants to tell him that this is what happens when you reject your son's wife and daughter. Loki wants to say that it is Odin's own fault and he should have expected no less, with his behaviour. But neither wants to start an argument.

"I brought it on myself."

This stuns them both.

"Father, I have never heard you admit to such a thing before."

"The solitude has given me time to think and to watch you from afar. It took me far too long to ask myself who I would have chosen if my own father had rejected Frigga and and our son in the same way that I did Jenna. I realized I would have cut him out of my life and stood with my wife and son. And that is exactly what you did."

"Then perhaps you have also reconsidered?"

"I do not understand your love for Jane. I have come to the conclusion that I do not need to understand it, but to accept that you did. And to accept that the child she bore you is my grandchild."

"You owe Jenna an apology, Father. And she will not easily forgive. This healing will take time and you will have to be far more patient with her than you have ever been."

"I am an old man, Thor. There is not much time left. But I cannot go to ashes with regrets."

Loki is listening, watching, and pretending he is not at the table. He is relieved that Odin has come to this conclusion about Jenna. It is a weight lifted from her small shoulders.

Odin continues, "Where is Asgard's princess on this fine morning?"

"Out riding with Sif. They are speaking of the matters of the court."

"Ah. I will watch for their return." He rises, "Good day to you both." And he leaves.

Thor calls for a refill of his tea and smiles to Loki, "That went better than expected."

"Yes, it did."

"You seem bothered, Brother. What has unsettled you?"

"If he wishes to go to ash with no regrets, yet he does not seek to speak to me about...well, us, before doing so, does that mean he does not regret any of how he has handled my...situation?"

"This will weigh on your heart until you know."

"Yes."

"Do you wish for me to ask him?"

"No, Thor. No. That would make things worse. At least if I do not know, I can pretend that he did not have the words to express what he wanted to say." He takes the last sip of his tea and stands, "We will speak later. I have to dust the bookshelves."

"Do not do anything reckless, Loki."

"I will not, Thor. Only dusting books."

"I do not wish to have to peel you from the floor again."

"I do not think any of the dust will be that powerful." He retreats to his room, pours a glass of something very strong, and sips it slowly while dusting his shelves, straightening the books that remain on them, and replacing the pile of Pratchett books that he and Jenna have once again been working through. It does not take long enough, so he goes to his desk and lays out his fine pencils and a fresh sheet of vellum. There are things he has seen that no one else in Asgard has. The alcohol has loosened memories and he sits down to illustrate what exists between the realms.

Hours later, Thor stops by to check on him. Loki allows him to enter and he finds his brother hunched over the desk inking miniscule details on a drawing.

"What are you doing, Brother?"

"Hush a moment. I must get the gleam in this creature's eye as it should be." Thor dutifully obliges, "There. Now, what is it you asked?"

"What you are doing."

"Drawing."

"I see. But what?"

Loki gestures to the illustrations spread across the room, "The Void is on the table. Thanos' Chitauri are on the floor. The couch holds the creatures that Thanos had torture and break me. And then there are the illustrations on the floor over there, all those things I saw and did while trying to keep the Stones from his hands."

Thor carefully steps between the different sets of pages. There are captions on some of the images, descriptions of the places, or names of the things in them. And none of them except the Chitauri are familiar.

"You said you wanted to return to these places to explore them."

"Yes, I did. And in some way, I still do. But I know that returning from these places is unlikely. Exploring them means I see what I can until something there succeeds in killing me. But that was before I met Jenna."

"And she has changed your plans."

"Very much so. I have a child to help guide. A child who would miss me dearly and whose heart would break if one day I did not return. So I do not think I can set out as I once thought I would. Besides, you have duties for me- you asked two years ago that I help straighten the mess left behind by Thanos' quest for the Stones. I have not done so yet. That task alone will keep me busy for quite from some time and it is something I can teach Asgard's princess."

Thor brings a chair from the dining table and sits beside him, "This is a great task, to teach her the duties of the throne. Are you ready for it? Can you help us avoid the mistakes of Odin's rule and teach us what you have learned from sitting in his place?"

"I will try."

"Will you take a seat as one of my advisors? I find myself with four openings that I have not yet filled."

Loki stops his current sketch, the pencil hovering over the page, "That requires I be a member of the court."

"Yes, it does."

"How would you present me? I have not been there for decades. The last the court knew, I disappeared."

"I would introduce you as having returned from your scholarly explorations ready to help me lead. There would be little else said, if you wish it that way."

"My secrets are mine alone."

"Yes, and I maintain that I will not share your story if you do not wish it. You know I will keep you safe."

"And what of Odin? What will he do when I am presented to the court? What will he do when he hears there is one of Jotunheim sitting beside you as an advisor? Will he reveal me?"

"I do not know. But I hope that a command from his king not to will put an end to any thoughts of it."

Loki laughs, "Oh, Thor, that will go over gloriously well, I am sure. He will love to hear his son ordering him about under the title of king."

"He may not like it, but I will also remind him what it means to rebel against an order of the king- and what he has done during his own rule to those who have defied him."

"You mean such as banishment to Midgard? I seem to recall a brother of mine who faced that."

"Well, I did meet my wife thanks to it, so it was not all bad."

"Can you imagine Odin in Midgard? He would fare terribly. No one there would listen to the ravings of an old man. They would lock him up- your friends, the ones with that flying contraption and the Hulk."

"You seem to forget the life span of a Midgardian."

Loki sighs, "They are all dead?"

"Yes, from one thing or another."

"I am sorry. I should have thought before speaking."

"You are remarkably coherent given what it is you are drinking."

"I have only been sipping it and this is my only glass."

"Well that much is clear. Do not worry, you have not offended. They lived good lives and did many things to help their people. They rest in honour."

"Thank you. I fear these little mistakes will undermine teaching Jenna the ways of the court."

"Why are you so hard on yourself? No single person in this palace has manners as perfect as you believe you ought. You act as though you should be lashed for every minor offense against decorum. What or who taught you this? Certainly not our mother."

"Three guesses, Thor, and the first two do not count."

"How did you learn this from Father? I did not pick up such harshness in his lessons that I must apologize for every little mistake."

"Do you remember what our suppers were like? The ones where Odin listed all the things I did wrong in the day, told me what I ought to have done, and then, when I made the same mistake twice, asked me why I never learned, as he had already given this lesson? Do you recall the uncomfortable silence and Mother attempting to revive some kind of light conversation? You must have some memory of this, as it happened at least twice a week, if not more."

"Yes, I do."

"Did you ever stop to think about how that felt?"

"No. I admit I always tried to ignore it, to focus on my meal, and to wait until I could tell my tales from the day. Those nights were ones Mother urged me to speak most lively to try to restore the mood. I was more than happy to be colourful in my retellings."

"Hence why it did not strike you as it did me. And why our suppers together now are so important. They help me undo so much damage."

Thor puts his arm around Loki's shoulder, "We shall continue them as long as you wish. And Sif is welcome to join us. There has always been an open invitation for friends and partners at my family's table. Jane and I used to prepare an extra setting or two, just in case, as we rarely sat down to supper without at least one unexpected guest."

"Thank you, Brother. You are most kind."

"Speaking of supper, it will be time for it before too long, and I have business to attend. Be kind to yourself in the meantime, and I will see you in a few hours in my chambers. We need time to ourselves after this morning."

"And what if he arrives?"

"Then he is very clearly in my space and I control the tone, not him. Do not worry, Loki. You will not have another supper like his."

Thor leaves and Loki sets down his pencils. There is still much more he wishes to sketch. But his mind is cluttered and that does not make for good drawing, so he gathers his pages, organizes them, and carefully tucks his pencils in their case. He decides on wandering the gardens, and later he will invite Sif to supper.


	32. Chapter 32

Sif accepts Loki's invitation to supper and joins the family regularly. Fandral often comes as well, as he otherwise would be alone and he prefers this built family over sitting at home by himself every night. Hogun is his opposite- he likes to eat alone, but once in a while it is nice to have others to talk to over a meal. Volstagg has his brood at home, but at least once a week he brings them to the table for storytelling, laughter, and to build their community. He sees no reason why his children should not consider his friends their aunts and uncles in addition to the ones they already have.

Odin has watched these gatherings from the outside. He has not yet told Jenna that he wants to once again be her grandfather. Every time he sees the friends gather for a meal, hears the jokes, the uproarious laughter, the songs, and the chatter of the children, he feels sad. This is something he once wanted for his own family. He knows he could be a part of it, but there are two problems with this- firstly, he would have to talk to Jenna, and he does not know if she will accept what he has to say. And secondly, he would have to speak to Loki, and he is not entirely sure how he feels about Loki. This is the Loki Odin expected to know- the one that he had envisioned as he watched the boy grow up. Elegant, mischievous, thoughtful, and playful. Not the angry, spiteful creature he became for those years between. But Odin has to keep reminding himself that he lost decades of time and that he does not know what he was like during the years on the throne. He does not know when the change happened, or how. And he still does not understand how his son could hate him so much for not telling him of his roots, or how he could descend into whatever madness it was that caused him to invade Midgard. Or how he could ever have recovered from it.

He sends a message to Jenna- a simple letter asking if she would grant him audience to ask for her forgiveness and he signs it as her grandfather. But she does not respond. He wants to bluster and be angry, but he realizes that her life is also very busy. There are lessons filling her waking hours, trainings with Sif and the Warriors Three, and hours spent in the library studying. Thor briefly told him that she was getting ready to assume her role as princess and to be introduced to the court. She must learn an overwhelming amount in the short time before then, things that his boys were raised to know from their births. Or, in Loki's case, from shortly after his birth.

He watches these preparations from the various hiding places in the palace. She is a quick learner, graceful, and eager to get things just right. A little too much like her uncle in that regard. There are days she is so exhausted that she falls asleep after supper wherever she is, whether that is in her father's chambers or her uncle's, sometimes even dozing at the table. There are also days she is frustrated by her mistakes to the point of tears and both men comfort her the best they can, gently suggesting other ways of looking at things. She is catching on. And then Thor tells his father that she feels ready, that there is a date set, and that he can make his own decision as to whether or not he wants to stand in the throne room with the rest of the court when she is presented. But there is also a warning in Thor's message, and Odin knows he will never speak to his son again if he does anything to ruin the day for her.

Jenna is excited to be presented to the court. She has learned so much in the past months about how she will be expected to behave and dress when they are not in the private areas of the palace. Her father has assured her that they will still sneak out of the palace for Midsummer's Eve revels and there will be no change in that tradition. But still, there is a lot to remember. She and Loki have worked out a system of small signals for if she feels lost or missteps and they have taught it to her father. She does not want to feel stranded or alone.

The day before her very big day, she has her final gown fitting and makes sure that her father knows just how she wants to be introduced. Then she is told to rest. But there is no rest in her mind. There is a letter from her grandfather unanswered on her desk and she cannot think of the right words to say in response. Instead of brushing up on her notes for the ceremony, she seeks out her uncle and finds him in his rooms, working on his own book.

"Uncle? A moment?"

"Of course, dearest Jenna." He waits for her to continue.

"Can we sit together on the couch? Perhaps read?"

He smiles and puts away his manuscript, "Which book? I would be delighted. It has been far too long."

"Yes, we have been too busy with princessing. I will be so glad when tomorrow is over. At least then I can stop going over and over and over the details of which direction they want to twist my hair. It's just hair! Four meetings over it! It's nonsense!"

"You will still have lessons and time training, but things will slow down. We will find that we can once again read every evening or take walks in the gardens."

"I hope so, Uncle. I miss that." She goes to his bedroom and returns with a well worn hardbound book, "How about 'Trigger Warning'? I think I need something creepy."

"Well there is plenty of creepy in there, my dear."

"Start with 'Click-clack the Rattlebag' and then go from there."

"The most creepy one of all, perhaps. Did you know the first time we read this, I stayed up half the night listening for all the little sounds around me? It was eerie."

She giggles, "I still do that."

"To be honest, so do I. The story is that good."

The snuggle together on the couch and he opens the book. At one time, he read the whole story, but now they divide it and she reads the child's lines and he reads the narrative. It makes the story more effective. They read like this for hours; there is no limit on their time this afternoon and evening. It is very much like how things were so early on in their relationship and it is something so familiar, so comfortable, that soon Jenna forgets how nervous she is about the following day.

Before they join the rest of the family for supper, she puts away the book and slips her hand in his, holding it tightly as they walk the halls, "We have to make the time for this, even if things get busy with the court and princess life. I think we both need it far more than we can explain."

"I agree. I have missed our time spent wandering in words these past few weeks."

"Tomorrow is going to change everything."

"Yes...and no. There will be more lessons, appointments to keep, and duties to attend, but we will all still be the same people in the same family."

"Was it hard for you?"

"On occasion, yes. But I had a much harsher parent pushing for perfection. You do not. Your father is working very hard to do things differently- to follow our mother's lead." He stops and turns to face her, lifting her chin so she looks him in the eye, "My dear girl, you are surrounded by love. There will never be a time you cannot find help, or retreat to talk things over. Being presented to the court and realm will not change who you are unless you wish it. It will not, cannot, separate you from us. It is just a new title, a new schedule. If you ever feel that it is too much, tell us. We are right here with you." She gives him a big hug and he holds her tight, "Always remember you are a light, child. No one can take that from you."

"Thank you."

When she lets go, they walk to the dining hall in silence. It will be a lively supper, and there will likely be toasts and songs, and possibly even some magic. It will take her mind off things for a little while. But Jenna knows that, when she falls in bed exhausted at the end of the day, she will still be asking herself what to do about her grandfather and if there will really be time for all the things she loves in this new reality of the court and acting the part of royalty.


	33. Chapter 33

The morning of Jenna's presentation as princess begins with breakfast, but she struggles to eat anything. She is nervous, and worse yet, her father has been called to early business and she is left to eat in their rooms alone. She picks at the fruit and hopes that she can eat enough to avoid fainting during her procession into the throne room, but also little enough that she does not throw up at any point.

There is a knock on the door and she checks the time, but it is too early for her first appointment. She calls and recognises the voice that answers. Sif enters. She is carrying a small tray and she sits down opposite Jenna.

She lifts the cover on the tray, "Here. Your father said you were alone and sent me to make sure you eat. I have some tricks for big days."

"You brought more food."

"Yes, but not just any food. Things I have used to keep me going through long, nerve-wracking ceremonies."

"Father tells me today will be brief."

"Well then they should do just as well to get you through short nerve-wracking ceremonies." She selects a few items from the tray and places them on Jenna's plate, "Try them. I promise nothing tastes disgusting."

There are berries in yoghurt, light pastries drizzled in fruit sauces, and a large chunk of dark chocolate. Jenna eats slowly, testing each of these things. When nothing threatens to come back up, she sighs in relief and finishes breakfast.

"Thank you, Sif."

"You are ever welcome. Now, do you want me to stay with you through your morning appointments?"

"I would love that."

"Who comes first?"

"The tailor. Then the person doing hair. And someone else who wants to do something to my hands and feet. And then there will be someone along to paint my makeup. I won't even look like myself."

"If it bothers you, order them to keep things simple. They are your staff, Jenna. As the princess, you get to give orders. Not them. Even if they are persistent."

"I've never given orders before."

"You will learn to. You are the daughter of the king. There are certain privileges that come with such a station."

"I just want to be Jenna, though, not something so different from everyone that I can no longer play or sing or laugh loudly."

"Then you will be a good princess, and later, a good ruler, if you see your people as your peers."

There is another knock on the door and Jenna checks the time. It is the tailor. She calls for him to enter.

Hours later, Jenna is ready. Or mostly ready. There is time for a story or two and she is perched on the edge of a stool reading when Loki and Thor enter the chambers. Her father is picking up the text for her introduction from his desk, but leaves quickly after kissing her forehead. Sif follows to ready herself for court. Loki has to do the same.

"Before I leave, I wanted to give you something. Your father and I thought for many hours on what gift we wanted to bring you today. But we finally came to an agreement." He holds out a flat square box and she carefully lifts the lid. Inside is a necklace, glittering silver set with brilliant midnight precious gems. At the centre, there is a teardrop pendant set with a stone she has never seen before- its many colours swirl like spilled paint.

"This is beautiful."

"We were so glad when you chose to wear dark blue. It matches nicely."

"What is the stone in the middle?"

"Fordite. It is only found in Midgard, a remnant of a bygone industry. This piece belonged to your mother. The rest of the necklace belonged to your grandmother. We had it made for you." She stares at it, her fingers tracing the twisting veins of colour through the fordite. "Would you like me to put it on you?"

"Yes. Please."

He does, setting the box aside, and when it is centred on her collar, he kisses the top of her head, "My dear girl, you are a beautiful young lady, in every sense. I owe you far more than you will ever understand. I am honoured to be here for this next step in your journey."

"Thank you, Uncle."

"I will see you again in the throne room. I must go ready myself. Fandral will be here very shortly to escort you."

She returns to her perch and book.

Loki hurries to his chambers. There is an attendent waiting to help him dress quickly. There is also a letter in the box beside his door. He recognises the handwriting. Odin. He considers tossing it on the desk to deal with later, but instead he reads it while dressing. It is short.

_This is a day for new beginnings. I cannot understand you. But I can accept that this is who you are. I hope you can forgive a very old man for many years of shortcomings._

He has no idea how to take this, so he sets the letter aside and tries to forget about it as the attendant settles his ceremonial helmet in place. He gives an order and then heads for the throne room.

Jenna, nervous, stands surrounded by attendents outside the huge doors that will soon swing open, her name announced to the court, the length of the very large room ahead of her, her father waiting on the stairs up to the throne. There will be a few familiar faces in the crowd, but most of them will be new to her and she will not know who is safe and who is not. It is overwhelming to even think about. She stares at the handles, waiting to see the door begin to move. The attendents step back.

"One step in front of the other, my darling niece. You will get through this."

She turns to see Loki as she has never seen him, glorious in green, black, and gold, beside her, "You are supposed to be in there, with Father and the others."

"There has been a change of plans."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I asked if I might offer you my arm as your escort. I have not yet resumed my own position at court. Perhaps you might permit that I am announced with you?"

She breaks into a smile, "Yes! I don't want to do this by myself."

"I thought not."

"Does the herald know?"

"Yes."

"You arranged things in advance?"

"No. Your father met me a few moments ago. Everything is set."

"Thank you. I suddenly feel so much better." They hear a roar from the crowd on the other side of the door, "Father has just entered."

"Yes. There will be a short speech. And then it is our turn." He offers his arm, "Princess, will you allow me this great honour?"

She loops her arm through his, "I hope I get this right."

"Just breathe and keep walking."

There is a dull thud and then the doors slowly open. The voice announcing them is not the one either of them expect.

"And now, presenting to the court and realm, Princess Jenna, daughter of Thor, of Asgard and Midgard, escorted by Loki Odinson, second son of the All-Mother and All-Father, of Asgard and Jotunheim."

She whispers to him as they step through the doors, "I thought you said never!" He smiles in return, "That is so brave!" Then she realises that the herald is her grandfather.

He steps out only a little from his post as they enter and they pause, "Congratulations, my granddaughter. This is a momentus occasion." He bows so very slightly to her, then steps back and they continue forward. Jenna is beaming. Loki delivers her to her father and goes down on one knee, her hands in his. This is a moment he rehearsed, but not with her. He wanted it to stay a secret, except from Thor.

"Princess Jenna, I, Loki Odinson, pledge my knives and sorcery to your aid whenever you may need it. Ever your protector I will remain." He rises, "May no one mistake you for weak or unguarded. The full might of Asgard is at your side, both from your father and myself, and we will teach you well."

She can barely contain herself and he knows she wants to throw herself into his arms in a huge hug. She bites her lip, then thanks him with a curtsey. He winks to her, then Thor takes her hand and Loki slips to the side, taking his place with Sif, Fandral, Volstagg, and Hogun.

Thor turns to the court, "Welcome, my daughter, to your place in this realm!" The court applauds. It is no roaring cheer as they gave for their king, but Thor's enthusiasm is catching. He brings her into the crowd to make the rounds of introductions.

Odin winds his way to Loki, "Did you received my letter?"

"I did." Odin waits for a response, "And I do not know what to say. You cannot ask me to expect things will go back to how they were before I knew. Or to simply forget everything that has happened. But if you mean that you will try to move forward only, I will as well."

"I hope my addition to your introduction did not offend."

Loki smiles- possibly the first genuine smile he has given Odin since Thor's interrupted corronation, "I am grateful." His original text had only said his name and realms of origin. Odin has reclaimed him.

"I thought it a good peace offering."

"It is."

"Your mother would be proud of you, Loki. Your brother is right. You have become a good man. A better one than I taught you to be."

"Mother would be proud of you as well. You once again have two sons, even if it takes time for me to become comfortable with the name 'father' crossing my lips."

Odin steps closer and opens his arms. Loki steps into his embrace. It is awkward for both of them, and they end it rather abruptly, but it is also something they have not done in decades. Odin excuses himself to make his own rounds in the court. There are a few people he wants to make sure know that Jenna is his granddaughter, and while he is old, he is still the All-Father, and his family is not to be triffled with.

Loki slips out of the crowd and retreats to an antechamber. His mind is racing. Odin has thrown him for a loop. Part of him is genuinely excited that his father has welcomed him as a son. That part of him wants to call his name like a small child would, to run desperately back to him and beg him for assurances that this is all real, that he is back, that the anger is over. Another part of him is cautious, worried that it is a trap. And then there is still a small part that is hysteric with anger, urging him to deny Odin entirely and flee.

He is kneeling on the floor at a low table, his helmet set aside, his head in his hands, when someone lowers beside him and places a hand on his shoulder, "Are you going to be alright?"

"I do not know, Sif."

"I did not think you were going to reveal Jotunheim."

"I changed my mind this morning."

"And are you happy with your decision?"

"Perhaps."

"You are not telling me much."

He sighs, "I feel as though I am drowning. There are too many things to think about. How the court will react is the least of my worries."

"Oh?"

"My introduction was supposed to say 'Loki Odinson, of Asgard and Jotunheim'- Odin added the other bit as a way to reclaim me as his son. An olive branch, he called it. He has asked for forgiveness for 'years of shortcomings', in his words. And while I have not said much to him, he told me Mother would be proud of me, and I said she would be proud of him as well. I accepted, but this is harder than I thought it would be."

Sif hugs him, "That is a big step. I am very proud of you, too."

He turns to face her and rests his head on her shoulder, "Thank you, Sif."

"You are ever welcome. You are so very brave. Just like your niece."

"She has taught me so much."

"Yes, she has- but she has moreso allowed you to grow into yourself- things you already were, but did not know how to be."

He lifts his head and kisses her cheek, "Your faith in me is astonishing, given what you have seen."

"I think it would be more astonishing not to have faith in you, given what I have seen." She smiles and stands, offering him her hand, "Shall we? There are likely members of the court to intimidate and Odin cannot do it entirely by himself. We must make sure they behave around our princess."

He rises, then retrieves his helmet; she helps him settle it on his head, "Of course. They must know she is beloved and we are protective."

"And that she is being trained by the shieldmaiden."

"Oh, yes. That as well. If they cannot respect her, they must fear what will happen if they hurt her in any way. Though I think my pledge assured that."

Sif's hand is on the door when she stops and turns back to him, "You are a good man, Loki. A good friend. And I think I love you."

She opens the door and drags him, grinning and giddy, into the throne room.


	34. Chapter 34

Loki and Sif play. She darts through the court, he makes flowers to bloom where she steps. There are things he knows the court will say about him later- he is already getting dirty looks from some of them, others are moving away to avoid speaking to him as he passes. They do not know exactly how he is "of Jotunheim", but any association is enough to condemn him. But Sif's declaration buoys his mood enough that he can, for the moment, brush them off.

He tries to follow her as she darts between two of the members of the court, a lady and a lord, weaving her way towards where Jenna and Fandral are laughing. The lady pushes herself behind the lord and he gasps and tries to dart away.

Loki rolls his eyes, "Excuse me. The Lady Sif bids me follow."

"Get that...that...that thing away from me!"

Loki stares, heart sinking, mouth agape, until Sif's voice breaks him from the shock, "You are utterly ridiculous to be afraid of someone you have watched grow up. Do not act like a frightened infant." She shoves him aside and grabs Loki's hand, "Come, we have a princess waiting."

"Yes, of course."

"Do not let these creatures dull your mood. Today is for celebrations and newness, the thrill of starting on a new adventure." The lord stares as she touches Loki's hand and the lady fans herself. Sif grins, pulls him close, and whispers to him, "Look at how absurd they are. Do not pay them heed." She kisses his cheek and he blushes ever so slightly, "Our princess, remember?" The lady faints, and Sif completely ignores her and the commotion the lord causes when he notices his lady has collapsed in a heap.

"Of course. Our princess." As soon as she turns her back on the dramatics, she starts laughing, her hand held over her mouth, trying to keep them from seeing. But she cannot help it, and soon Loki is biting his lip, trying the same. When they meet Jenna and Fandral, they cannot help themselves any longer and burst into giggles.

"Are you laughing about the same thing Fandral and I are?"

"Likely not. Did you see what we just had to endure?" Sif asks.

Jenna shakes her head, "No, but did it result in the commotion over there?" She points in the direction of the lady leaning heavily on the lord, her hand over her eyes, fanning herself rapidly with a handkerchief.

"Yes." She kisses Loki's cheek again, and again, he blushes, "And that is all I did."

Fandral places his hands on his cheeks in mock horror, "Oh, the absolute shock of it! It is too much, someone, my salts."

She punches his arm, "Oh hush."

"Sif, how could you possibly have the gall to take up with a gentleman as dashing as this? And a prince at that? What could you see in him beside his charming personality, devotion to scholarly study, tremendous skill in knife fighting, and his dedication to our princess? Have you lost your mind?"

"Fandral, you flatter me. I never thought you were interested." Loki winks. Jenna is trying incredibly hard to stay somewhat poised, but she is fighting fits of laughter.

Sif purses her lips, "Do not steal my prince, Fandral. I will bury you."

"Oh, I would like to see you try."

Loki steps in, "Now now, you two, I will not have my friends fighting over me. You will simply have to share."

"Share what?" Thor asks, Odin in tow.

"Me." Loki's face is calm, serious, and Thor is not entirely sure what kind of conversation he has walked into. Nor is Odin.

Sif, however, can no longer contain herself, "I...I...do...not share..." she manages to stammer between giggles.

Odin stops trying to understand what is going on. He has never seen Sif giddy, but she is now and she is leaning on Loki, who seems more than happy to have her beside him. Fandral hugs them both in turn, and Jenna is beaming as she takes her father's hand. Joy. And he knows that the court will do their best to spoil it. Jealousy runs deep in the old families and there were many who hoped to marry a daughter off to the youngest Odinson, and many others who hoped for the hand of the shieldmaiden for their son. Of course, Odin does not know if they will still seek his son given Loki's revelation. It appears, from the way he is interacting with Sif, that this will no longer be necessary. Odin wonders how Sif's family will react. Her father is not in attendance, but their family is old and powerful.

Instead of saying anything about any of this, though, Odin chooses to watch. He is very clearly starting to understand that this is no longer his world. His son is king. It is time to let go and live without a struggle to keep things as he knew them. It is time to help teach the next ruler of Asgard how to run a realm.

Jenna's presentation to the court is only the start of her duties as princess. After, she is taken in an open chariot through the city, her father and uncle beside her. When they reach the square, she slips her hand in Loki's and grips it tightly. Her smile looks a little strained. She breathes more easily once they have continued on. Loki does not ask for an explanation, but smiles as reassuringly as he can. He understands- his shoulder twinges just a little when they pass by a certain spot.

They return to the palace and Jenna is shuffled off to meet with ambassadors from Alfheim and Vanaheim, then with the chieftains from each of the outerlying tribes and the councilmen from the villages in the hills. There are things to sign, gifts to receive, and priests to greet and be blessed by. It is exhausting, and she is hungry and tired by the time the family gathers for supper.

Jenna enters the dining hall behind her father and uncle. The smells wafting from the table are delightful and tempting, some of them unfamiliar. Spices that tingle the nose, something sweet, and the smell of savory herbs on seared fish. She wonders who gave the commands to the cooks- her father has been busy all day, and they usually wait to bring food to the table until the family is ready to sit down.

Her grandfather is already seated, but he stands when they approach, "Good evening! I hope you do not mind, but I had them prepare your supper. I thought you would be hungry, and the tables were just set- the food is warm and ready."

"Thank you, Father. That was very thoughtful of you." Thor turns to his daughter, "Pick your seat, princess, for tonight we celebrate your boldness and bravery."

She skips past him and catches Loki's hand, "Then we should celebrate Uncle's bravery as well, for he has done a far more difficult thing than I."

"To my brother, then, as well!"

"Yes, to Loki!" Fandral says as he enters the room, "Who not only revealed his origins to the court, but also put up with my terrible teasing."

"If putting up with your teasing is a reason for a toast, I deserve it as well," Sif replies, "For you have not stopped all day."

Thor drops into a chair and raises his glass again, "Then to you as well, for enduring Fandral's teasing!" He drinks, as does Loki.

Odin shakes his head, smiling, "Jenna, you are a very lucky young lady to have a family such as this. I am a very foolish old man to have not seen this before. Will you allow me to be your grandfather once again?"

The room falls silent, "Yes. But no more fighting and yelling about silly things. We are what we are, and blood or built, family is family. And if you are to be in mine, you must know that I also dearly love my uncle."

"I would not ask you to part from him. We have spoken. It seems this is a day for reconciliations."

Loki sits beside her, "It is true. Things cannot be the same as before. But we are going to try to be one family again."

"And you are OK with this, Uncle?"

"Yes. I am tired of old wounds. I wish to rest, and to let them heal."

She lifts her glass, "To bravery, wherever we find it."

Everyone, even Odin, cheers.


	35. Chapter 35

Loki's life feels like it is returning to some kind of normal a few weeks after Jenna has been presented to the court. There have been difficult moments with a few members of the court, but overall, it seems as though the protection from being claimed by Thor and Odin is strong enough to keep the worst away.

Sif comes every other evening to spar by moonlight or by starlight. She accompanies him to supper nearly every evening and has easily become a part of that family habit. Jenna is thrilled to have Sif to teach her how to both be a warrior and a lady. There is something powerful to knowing that she does not have to choose a passive role in the court simply because of her sex. She has heard stories of Frigga and her refusal to let the men of the court silence her when she was a new queen, but they are more legend to her, thanks to having never met the All-Mother. And Sif knows this. She sees herself as a guide for the girl, as well as a guardian warrior ready to take down anyone who so much as blinks wrong in her direction. Of course, she knows that if Jenna needs protecting, she would need to beat both Loki and Thor to vengeance- otherwise, there would be little left for her to take vengeance on.

She meets Loki at his door and they holds his hand as they walk to the training yard. When they arrive, the night is moonless, the lights in the palace mostly dark, and the yards are shielded from the city glare by the high walls surrounding the palace. They can hardly see one another's features. When they start sparring, they are dancing shadows, ill defined and their weapons hard to track. It is a challenge that Sif gladly accepts and Loki relishes. They know one another's patterns so well that they have to continually reinvent themselves when they fight to keep their bouts surprising.

She strikes, he parries. She circles back. He sees an opportunity and darts for her, but she blocks the strike and lunges for her own shot. They collide and he knocks her legs out from under her. She grabs him and pulls him down with her. He catches himself as he falls on top of her. She laughs and he lingers instead of getting off her. She grabs the front of his shirt and kisses him.

"Oh my, Sif, darling- shouldn't we go inside if you wish to proceed?"

"Why? No one will see us here. No one ever sees us here." And she kisses him again. He chuckles at the forbidden nature of their encounter in what would, in daylight hours, be a very public location.

"You are spirited tonight, my lady."

"Is there ever a time when I am not?"

"True, true. But still, would my lady not wish to retire to someplace more comfortable?"

"No, the dark is enticing."

"Have you done this before?"

"Do you mean this, this, or this, here?"

"Oh, either."

"Yes to the act, no to the place."

"So a fantasy?" he teases, his fingers in her hair, 'Perhaps you have dreamt of it with other lovers? Maybe Fandral?"

She cannot help but laugh and playfully shove him, and when he nearly topples off her, she grabs his shirt and pulls him down, nipping at his chin, "Of course not! He's like my brother!"

"Perhaps he will seek you out if you do not show for your morning tea. Will he be jealous, dear lady?"

"Is the trickster afraid of being caught?"

"Mmmm...no...but my mind is racing with deliciously devious ideas."

"Do you care to share them with me, or show me instead?"

Their sparring forgotten, it is a challenge Loki happily takes.

Hours later, the cold wakes them and they fumble to gather their garments and weapons in the dark. Giggling, they stagger back to Loki's rooms, discarding everything they put back on to travel inside in a trail to his bed.

They sleep late, waking with dirt in their hair, their skin smudged, clothing scattered. He traces his fingers along her arm, drifting to the curve of her hip under silk sheets. She smiles, her eyes still closed.

"Good morning, Loki."

"A good morning, indeed, though I think we have slept through most of it."

"Given where I am, I cannot complain. It is a good way to spend a morning."

He kisses her forehead, "Agreed. Nor can I."

"We should do this more often."

"I certainly would not be opposed to that."

She opens her eyes and pushes him down, sliding on top of him, "Do you know you are quite beautiful in the late morning light?"

"It is not something I have ever been told before."

"Well you are. So we should most definitely sleep late when we do this again."

Someone knocks on the door and, startled, Sif tumbles off him, stifling laughter.

"Who is it?"

"Brother! It is I! I come with a request for you to join us for breakfast."

He stretches and calls back, "I think I will have to decline, as I am quite happily indecent, and, with the company I am keeping, would like to stay that way for a while." Sif is trying so hard to contain her laughter that she snorts.

There is a brief silence from the other side of the door, "Oh. Oooohhh..."

Loki chuckles and sets Sif off. Thor can hear them laughing through the door.

"Then meet us in the gardens for a late lunch."

"Yes, Thor. Now leave us, please. We have business to attend to." Another fit of laughter. Thor turns from the door, chuckling, shaking his head.

Jenna meets him in their quarters, "So, what did he say?"

"Loki will be unable to join us for breakfast."

Her face falls, "Oh... Is he alright? Did he say why?"

Thor tussles her hair, "Perhaps I should be less forward, but Sif joined him for the night and they are not ready to leave his bed."

Her eyes widen and then she blushes, "Oh my!"

"Indeed. So we will leave them to their morning and they will join us for a late lunch."

"Father?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think I will some day have an Aunt Sif?"

"I think that is distinctly possible."

She smiles and takes his hand, "You will have to tell me all about courting in Asgard. Just so I know what to expect."


	36. Chapter 36

Jenna has had a quiet week. Lessons have slowed and she has been teaching herself handcrafts by the evening fire. She can crochet squares with four different stitches. Her lucet cords are not ready for decorating elaborate gowns, but they are good enough to tie in her hair and bind together her shoes. She likes seeing Loki with Sif. They are playful and lighthearted. Traces of Loki's magic linger in every hallway Sif walks down and Jenna smiles when she finds flowers on her way- he is a romantic at heart.

She meets him for tea and books. Hogun has brought her a new collection of Vanir children's stories and, having glanced at the contents earlier in the day, she knows there are stories within that she has never heard. It is exciting, and she relishes the opportunity to have time alone with her uncle.

He answers the door as she is knocking. She hands him the book and hugs him.

"How are you today, Jenna dearest?"

"Excited about our new book! And yourself?"

"Relaxed and looking forward to the same."

"Good!" She skips to the couch and plops down, patting beside her. He settles in and opens the book. The pages are a thin, fine vellum, the text sharp against their translucency.

After a few stories, Jenna puts her hand on the page to stop him from turning it and reading more, "Uncle? May I ask a rather personal question?"

"Of course. I may not answer, but you may always ask."

"Is Sif going to some day be my aunt?" He smiles, his eyes on the page, a slight blush to his cheeks. He has told no one of his feelings for Sif, though he wears them on his sleeve, and there is something sweet about sharing it with Jenna first.

"Likely, yes. Unless something comes in our way. She and I are very close."

"Will you have children of your own?"

He hesitates, not sure how to answer, "She wishes to bear children, yes."

"You say that as though it is not a full answer."

"It is not."

"Will you tell me the rest?"

He sighs, "Reluctantly. I do not want to curse a child with the appearance of my race. I am only what I am because of old and powerful magic that neither myself nor your grandfather entirely understand. The touch of a relic of Jotunheim will return me to my native form, though yet small in stature by comparison. And I cannot pass that on and subject a child to the same cruelties that I have felt, being what I am."

"But you can raise a child differently. To embrace difference and love people for who, not what, they are."

"Others will still treat that child as though being half of each world is the most terrible sin in existence. I cannot do that."

"They have not done so to me."

"But you look Aesir, my little love. One with skin as blue as ice at night would not be given such grace."

"Oh." She wraps her arms around his waist and hugs, "I am sorry you have to think like that. We will do our best to change things."

"You are truly kind, child. Truly kind."

"Is Sif OK with that?"

"She says she is, that her heart is set on me. And that she will be happy, no matter what our future holds or does not."

"That's good."

"Yes, yes it is. I am a very lucky man."

"So what happens next? Father attempted to explain the courtship process to me, but it only somewhat made sense. In Midgard, you simply started spending time with one another and if you loved each other, you got married. Some people had to ask family members, but overall, by the time we left, it was rather easy. Father and Mother married years before I was born, but they went before a judge of the law and signed papers and it was done."

"Things are more complicated here. I will have to formally ask her if I may court her. I will ask her father if I have permission to court his daughter. From there, we must keep our engagement for a year and a day before deciding if we will wed."

"What happens if her father says no?"

"I do not want to think of that possibility."

"But you have. I can tell."

He ruffles her hair, "Yes, my dear, I have. I have thought of all sorts of unpleasant things. But I do not wish to talk about them. For now, allow me to leave that particular outcome unsaid."

She taps on the page, "For now, let's just read. And if things do go badly, remember that love wins. No matter what. Even if other people are horrible."

"Thank you, my dear. If we do have troubles, I will need to be reminded of that often."

"Well don't worry. Father and I will be sure to do all we can to make sure you know it."

He cannot help but marvel at the girl. She slips the book from his hands and turns the page. When he does not start the story, she does.

Late that same evening, after supper, Loki pulls Sif aside and invites her to his rooms. It is not a night for sparring, but she accepts. He makes her tea and they sit across from each other at his breakfast table.

"What is on your mind, Loki? You seem nervous."

"Jenna asked me today if you would some day be her aunt."

"And how did you answer?"

"With great hope. My lady, will you allow for our formal courtship to begin?"

She takes his hand, "Yes. But I do not know what my father will say. He is loyal to the All-Father, but he is deeply entrenched in the old beliefs."

"I understand. But I must try. I love you too dearly to not..."

"I know. And I will hope for the best. But I want you to be ready for the worst."

"I do not want to think about that."

She sets her tea aside and comes around to sit on his lap, "But you must."

"No. I have lost enough sleep over a 'what if'. I will set up an audience with your father. Until then, we will think only of the best."

"If he does not, I will not lose you. I promise you this."

"Make me no promises, my lady. You do not know what you may be asked to do."

She does not want to consider what he is saying, that her father could demand she pick one family over the other. But she has thought about it. Just as Loki has thought about what will happen if her father denies his request.

Sif brushes his hair back from his face and softly kisses him, "I pray then that he is kind."

"He is your father- do you think we have any hope?"

"There is always hope, Loki. Even when it is slim."

They hold one another in silence, the weight of this question heavy on their hearts. They do not speak as they undress for the night, nor as they nestle under the blankets. They fall asleep quickly, quietly, both wishing there was not so much uncertainty about their future.


	37. Chapter 37

Loki meets Sif's father at the family house. It is grand, even larger than he expected. Despite having grown up in the towering palace, Loki feels small standing before the elaborately carved door.

He is escorted to a drawing room and asked to wait. When Sif's father enters, he stands, as is customary when asking to court a lady. Attention to detail, and to decorum, is critical in these proceedings.

"Loki Odinson. You have come to me with a specific purpose, I presume?"

"Yes, sir, I have." It feels strange to address anyone as 'sir', but this is a script and it must be followed as precisely as possible.

"And praytell, what is that purpose?"

"To ask for your blessing to court your daughter, the lady Sif."

"And how long will the courtship be?"

"A year and a day, as is custom."

"I have spoken briefly to my daughter of your intentions. She is of the mind that they are honourable and you mean to marry her after the year and a day. Is this what you intend? To make my daughter your wife?"

"Yes, sir, this is true."

"And what of children?"

"They will come, if they come, after our courtship has ended and our marriage is final."

"Good. That is the proper answer."

"Of course, sir. I would not consider doing otherwise."

"And why have you chosen her?" This is not part of the script. Loki knows there is a trick behind this question, but he can see no way to avoid walking into the trap, whatever it is.

"I love her, sir. She is a skilled warrior, and she is incredibly kind. She is a delight and my spirit is content when I am with her."

"A fair answer."

"Thank you, sir."

"But my answer is no. I know what you are. I know you are incapable of sincerity. Do not feel bad; it is in your nature. I must protect her from creatures such as yourself."

Loki swallows hard, his composure barely intact, "Then I see no reason to continue this conversation."

"Nor do I. You are dismissed."

He leaves quickly, his heart heavy.

At the palace, Jenna, Thor, Sif, and Odin wait in Loki's chambers. Sif is pacing. Thor tries to get her to sit and she perches on the back of the couch for a moment before resuming her route. Odin sits at the breakfast table turning the pages of Loki's unbound manuscript, captivated by the incredibly detailed illustrations. And Jenna, sitting on the couch, attempts to read "A Hat Full of Sky" but cannot focus.

The door opens and everyone turns to Loki, "What did he say?" Sif asks.

"No. He said no." He drops onto the couch beside Jenna without making eye contact with anyone. She sets her book aside and cuddles against him, "Can one thing in my life be easy? It seems that no matter what I try, there is always something that goes horribly wrong." His eyes are firmly fixed on the floor.

Sif grabs a pillow from the couch and flings it across the room, "I knew it. He sent me to become a shieldmaiden so that I would think of something other than myself and ever since, he has been disappointed that the mind I learned to use is not the same as his."

She strides to the door; Loki looks up and reaches for her, "Sif, please. Stay."

"No. This ends now. I will not let him deny me this." She leaves, slamming the door. Loki slowly fades back into the couch, his arm lingering outstretched. Jenna does not know what else to do but to hold him tightly as he stares, numb, after Sif. Jenna cannot help but let a few tears creep down her cheeks.

Thor joins them on the couch, "There are other options, Brother, to form a family without this blessing. Partnerships-"

"No. Just...no, Thor. You know as well as I that they are treated differently under law and in our society. I wish to court and marry Sif, not partner with her!"

"Father?"

"Yes, Jenna?" Thor rests his hand on Loki's shoulder and Loki shrugs it off, his head in his hands.

"Why do we have different types of families under our laws?"

Odin answers, "Because it was the best I could get out of the court when I suggested that a woman need not her father's permission to wed. All other marriages were called something else and were to be looked on as less to discourage eloping. The old families want to keep their political bonds secure, wedding their daughters only to other nobility and for the greatest gain in station."

"Well that's stupid." She gently tries to ease one of Loki's hands from his face and he glances towards her. She keeps his hand in hers and kisses his cheek, whispering, "It will be OK. Somehow."

"When did you seek to change this, Father? I do not remember it happening when Loki and I were children."

"It did not. It was before either of you boys. Your mother was pregnant with you and she wanted assurances that if she had a daughter, she could freely choose who would stand beside her ruling Asgard."

"Father, I don't want to have to marry somebody for politics. Can we change this law? And soon? Uncle and Sif ought not to worry about such things because the court cannot see reason."

Thor sighs, "I wish I could do this for the both of you, but I do not think I can. If they turn against us, they could seek to depose us and put another family on the throne." He tries once again to touch Loki, and this time, Loki allows him to rest his hand on his back, "Brother, please. Say something."

His voice is hollow, "I love her, Thor. And it is not enough. Do you have any idea what that is like?"

Thor nods, "Yes, I do."

Loki's shoulders fall, "I am sorry. You were married to Jane in Midgard."

"Yes. And by our laws, that is also only a partnership."

"Thor, I hate this."

"I know."

"I have done everything right since my return. I have taken on the duties as a prince, an advisor, a member of the court, and I have begun my duties as ambassador. I have been a tutor to the princess, and my sorcery has only been used to amuse. I have turned scholar and lived quietly. And what has it given me? This. My beloved's father telling me that I am incapable of sincerity, that it is in my nature, a part of what I am."

Jenna hugs him tightly, "I think you're wonderful. And remember what I said? Love wins. Always."

"Thank you, darling girl. But at the moment, I cannot see how."

Thor wraps his arms around them both, "We are with you, Brother. Every moment."

Odin stands behind the couch, one hand on each of his sons' shoulders, "I should have told both of you years ago that your choice of a wife was yours alone to make. I made that mistake with Thor. I will not make it again. Sif is a part of this family and when you wish to pledge yourselves to one another, I will consider her my daughter whether or not her father considers you his son."

Loki reaches up and rests his hand over Odin's, "I believe this is the first time in over half a century that I can say this honestly- thank you, Father."

Odin smiles. Their relationship is still strained, but he feels as though this effort to know Loki as he is, just as Frigga always wanted, instead of trying to compare him to Thor, might just work. If, that is, they do not lose Loki to his own despair.


	38. Chapter 38

It is very late at night when Sif knocks on Loki's door. He is asleep, but the third time she knocks, he answers.

"Sif, your face- did someone hit you?" He reaches to gently touch her jaw and she catches his hand. He brings her into the room and closes the door.

"Only once." The bruise on her cheek has to be turning dark. She has not seen it yet, but she knows based on how much it hurts that it is not pretty.

"Are you in danger?"

"No."

He settles onto the couch and gestures for her to sit beside him, "Tell me what happened."

"Father did not let me say my piece when I arrived, but insisted that I take supper with him."

"That does not explain the bruise, my lady."

"I sat through the meal planning my words. And when we retired to the drawing room, I told him I was going marry you one way or another. His blessing has any bearing on how I feel. He was not happy. We went back and forth for a while. He insisted that I was marrying the wrong Odinson. I told him that marrying Thor would be like marrying my brother. Or Fandral. He said Fandral would be a good option, I should consider it. I laughed. He did not like that. There was more shouting. And then he told me that if I chose this, I would be leaving his family without a chance of returning."

"Oh no, Sif..."

"I spat at his feet and went to leave. I had to pass him. He caught my arm and hit me. I hit back. He asked how I dared hit my father. I reminded him that he had just said I was no longer his daughter. And then I left."

"I cannot ask you to leave your family for me."

She cups his face in her hands, "You did not ask. He gave me a choice. I made it. You speak from your own heartbreak at losing your family. But I am a grown woman and he has been angry since I came back a bold shieldmaiden and not a demure lady of the court."

"You are absolutely certain?"

"You believe I would not be?"

"I do not know. But I do not want you to regret this."

She kisses him in reply.

"Father said he will consider you his daughter."

"Odin has learned much about the nature of family from both his sons."

"Possibly from his granddaughter most of all."

"We have all learned much from the girl."

"As I have said many times before, she is a light."

She slips her arms around him and drapes her legs across his lap, "Yes, she is."

He holds her and they sit quietly for a few moments, his head resting on her chest, her cheek against his hair.

"So..." he says, "a year and a day."

"Hmmm, perhaps."

"Oh?"

"It will be Midsummer's Eve before long."

"Go on..."

"Is that not when things started? Under the stars, by the light of the bonfire? One year?"

"Tradition adds an extra day."

"So after midnight."

Loki's smile creeps across his lips for the first time all day, "Are you suggesting what I think you are?"

"Oh, I think it is likely."

"Say it plainly. Please, Sif, as clear as the skies on Midsummer's Eve."

"Shall we pledge ourselves to one another by the bonfire, by the light of the stars and the laughter of the village children? Shall we dance the night away, drinking hot spiced wine to the music of the land itself?"

He cannot help but laugh and kiss her, laying down on the couch, pulling her on top of him, "Oh yes, my lady love. We shall."

"We will talk to your family in the morning. I will invite the Warriors Three to take tea with us over breakfast."

"But what of the law that we will not be fully wed? Merely partners?"

"I will ignore it as I have always ignored the social conventions I do not like. When one is a warrior lady, one gets used to simply discarding the parts of our culture that are ridiculous."

"A prince does not have that luxury."

"Yes, he does. He has the power to treat them as absurdities. Your brother did so when he accepted me as his equal on the battlefield. And when he accepted that I would wear armor, not a dress, to court. And when he accepted Jane as his wife and called her nothing less."

This is a revelation to Loki- that he does not need the law to change first. That he can ignore that the difference has any meaning at all. And so can his family. And he can also ignore those who treat them as anything less than married.

It is the same thing that Thor was trying to teach him about his heritage- there are few who would dare stand against the king when the king says a brother from Jotunheim is still a brother. And if he says Sif is his sister, wed to his brother, few will stand against them. Especially if the All-Father confirms this.

"Things might not be as terrible as I had feared."

"Things are most definitely not as terrible as either of us feared. My father made his decision. We have made ours."

"Love wins."

"Yes. Love wins."


	39. Chapter 39

Midsummer's Eve approaches. There is an excitement in the air as Jenna skips the halls, practically dancing between her lessons, fittings for a new gown, her evening reads with Loki, and her first few practice fights in the training yards. She is training with Fandral. Sif is busy with preparations and has disappeared from the palace.

Sif is readying her house for Loki. They plan to live both places, and she has made it clear that Jenna is welcome whenever she wishes. This has only added to Jenna's glee. It has added to Loki's playfulness as well. He has not seen Sif in a few days and his excitement grows, it seems, by the hour. Jenna catches him dancing to music only he can hear when she slips unseen into his rooms for an evening read. The room is full of tiny floating pinpricks of light that roll off her skin and settle back where they came from as she passes by. She laughs- they tickle- and he stops dancing.

"I have an idea, Uncle. Wait here, I will be right back." She runs out of the room and returns moments later with the bowl and a music cube, "Mother's music." She sets the bowl on his desk and drops the cube in. It plays, _"Do you want to go to a real party?"_ A heavy drum beat. An instrument Loki has never heard before that has its own low drone. It is lively, it invites dancing by its very nature. She takes his hands, grinning.

"Mother and I used to dance to this every year during the day on Midsummer's Eve. We loved this band. And it reminded Mother of Midgard."

"Are there special steps?"

"No. Just dance."

The spirit of the music is the same as the spirit around the bonfire. The little stars shimmer and bounce as they move through them. Jenna can't stop laughing as he twirls her. Sparks of colour erupt from the glimmers as they collide with one another and it looks like they are dancing in the rainbow. The song bleeds into another and another and they dance until their feet hurt and they are exhausted, collapsing on the couch out of breath, laughing.

Jenna curls against Loki and he kisses her forehead, "Will we still do this when you are married? Or will you have no more time for our games?"

"My darling girl, I will always have time for our games. And while they may move between this palace and Sif's home, we will still play. Even when you are grown and I am old, if you ask me to dance, I will say yes."

She closes her eyes, and settles against him as he puts his arm around her shoulders, "Good. When I am grown, if I have children, I will teach them to dance and we will still celebrate Midsummer's Eve in the hills around the bonfire. And if any of my children are skilled in the magic arts, you can help teach them. And Father and Sif can teach them to fight. We will all read together. It will be a wonderful life."

Listening to her daydream, Loki finds an immense hope- he has a secure place with Jenna's family. There will be no more casting out, there will be no more questions if he belongs or not. Her children will be raised to see nothing wrong with him.

"Will you let me tell them my story when they are old enough? My mistakes, my hurt, my victories, and the salvation you have brought me?"

"I did nothing, Uncle, but love you as you are."

"My darling, that was something I had not considered possible. Your gentleness likely saved my life."

"I just did what I do. But yes, you may tell my children your story in your own words when you are ready."

"You will be an excellent ruler, Jenna. And whomever you choose to stand beside you will be very lucky indeed to have captured your heart."

She yawns and smiles, "I think Sif is lucky to have captured yours." She drifts off to sleep before he can reply, but he speaks anyway.

"You are a wonder, child. A beautiful, delightful, wise little wonder."


	40. Chapter 40

It is Midsummer's Eve. The energy in the palace is electric. Loki cannot stop smiling. Thor laughs heartily with him and Fandral as they choose their garments for the evening's revels. Loki is nervous, and cannot decide on his clothing. Fandral lightly jests that if they left him to his own devices, he would still be indecisive at dawn- he may simply have to go naked. This earns him a swat on the arm.

The wedding is a secret. Volstagg has not even told his wife what awaits around the bonfire and he cannot stop smiling as he helps his children dress. Hogun and Sif prepare at her home. Jenna retrieves the final pieces of her own outfit and tries to get her grandfather excited about the bonfire. Odin still does not entirely understand the reason for this festival, but he is trying to be open to it. He thinks dressing up is pointless, but Jenna insists and he has much to make up to her, so he lets her take the lead on costuming him.

Thor is ready first- he wears a long velvet tunic, a cape of crimson trimmed in white fur, and a mask of gold, a crown on his head, an Arthur with an English lion on his chest. He is regal and amused at this play of the king hiding behind a costume of a king. Fandral has been digging in Thor's costume closet and discovers a glitzy black jacket, ruffled shirt, and silver snug leggings. There is a label on it- Jareth- along with a photograph of a man with painted eyes and teased hair, the horned mask rimmed in long, slender feathers to emulate the hair. He jests that he matches Loki's helmet.

"This Jareth was a spectacularly dressed fellow. Look at this delightfully frilly shirt! These magnificent snug trousers! And how did he do that to his hair?"

"As my wife described it, there was a magic to the 80s they called AquaNet. It came in a can and when one sprayed it on hair, the hair would do whatever one wished. She says it was likely also responsible for many headaches and possibly the destruction of the environment. She may have been facetious about that last bit, but I am not so certain."

"I regret we were not there to see it! We should have visited Midgard more often during this time they called the 80s."

"Verily. She describes it as a wondrous time of neon, leggings, leather, animal print stretchy fabric, and bad fashion decisions. And big hair."

"That sounds like delightful fun."

"I have some of her films. We should watch them some day. The one with this Jareth was one of her favourites."

"Again, delightful fun. When you are ready, we will take over the large dining hall and project them onto the wall."

"Brother, would you join us for a night of films and fantasy from Midgard?"

Loki stands over a pile of garments, picking through, still undecided, "Hmm? Oh, yes. I would. It would be fun."

"Good! When you have settled in with Sif, perhaps we will do such a thing. If we do it too soon, we will all be subjected to far too much of your adorable newlywed snuggling when the lights are out."

Loki briefly glares at him, "Oh come now, Thor, we are not like that now, why would be tomorrow?"

"You did not see Jane and I after we married. Fandral can attest, despite our time together before, we were intolerable."

"They were. It was so sickeningly sweet that we had to start charging for each kiss. I made a small fortune."

Loki chuckles, "I can assure you, we will be more subdued."

"No, Brother, you will not be. You are a romantic at heart. Mark my words, you will find yourself with eyes only for her for at least the first few months. And we will be happy for you. Though we may have to find the kiss jar and bring it to our gatherings."

"You had a jar?"

"Yes. Fandral made me deposit coins in it when we irritated him too much."

"And when, dear Fandral, will we have to bring the jar out for you?"

Fandral sighs, "I do not know. Some day, I hope. But not yet." There is a wistfulness to his voice.

"Oh? Is there a secret here that I do not know from my decades as Odin? What have I missed? Or would you rather not tell?"

"There is one. But we only meet once a year, the same as Hogun. And we keep ourselves hidden in the tangles of bodies. We are both open to experience many lovers, but our hearts rest with one another."

Loki does not push, though he has many other questions. Fandral is hardly vague about his other flirtations, so there must be a reason he leaves so much unsaid. Thor pats Fandral's shoulder.

"Perhaps some day then. When the time is right."

Fandral smiles at Loki, "Yes. When the time is right. If it ever is."

Loki nods and smiles back, then returns to shuffling through the clothing heap.

Jenna, meanwhile, dresses her grandfather, "This is going to be so much fun! There is a character from Mother's books- a wizard, great and powerful, who helps a brave, unlikely hero take a ring of great power through many dangers to be destroyed in the fires which forged it to prevent evil from destroying their world. He begins wearing grey, but fights a great beast to become a White Wizard, even more powerful than before. And yet while he can guide the heroes, only the young ringbearer can carry this relic and deliver it to Mount Doom."

"This sounds like quite the story. I was unaware Midgard had epics of this sort."

"Oh, it has many! You must read them- they are so different from the stories of Asgard. I think you would find you quite like them. There are magical creatures, heroic deeds, and even one who makes a great mistake and redeems himself by giving his life to protect the young unlikely hero. It is an adventure worth reading more than once." She hands him layers of white, the outermost long robes shimmering with white vines woven into the silk, "Here, put these on. I must run and get something from my Mother's room." She runs off.

Odin does as she asks and soon she returns with a small box and a long staff, "This is a replica of the one used in the film of the story. Mother had it made after she married Father." She hands it to Odin, the opens the box to reveal a fine silver cloak pin, "And this is also just like in the film and was also Mother's. Here, let me pin it where it goes." She fastens it over the clasp for the cloak near his throat, "There. Now. Mask."

It is silver, white vines tracing the cheeks. Simple, compared to some of the others in her father's closet. Once he has it on, she steps back.

"So, do I pass muster as your wizard?"

She claps and giggles, "Yes! Perfect!"

"Have you read this story with Loki? Will he recognise what I am dressed as?"

"We have, yes. It is our most recent story and how I got the idea. I am sure he will be thrilled to see you as Gandalf the White."

"This staff is finely crafted."

"Midgard has artisan carvers, too, Grandfather. Asgard is not the only realm that can work wood."

"This is apparent. The brooch is fine as well."

"That was made here. Father had it made for Mother."

While she runs off to retrieve her own garments, he thinks. Jenna has never shared Jane with him, except in stories. She has never brought him her books. She has never asked to have her life sung about in the ballads on their day for remembering the dead. She has never handed him anything that belonged to her and asked him to be careful with it. Or trusted him even to take hold of it for a few moments. He has also never asked to see the room she calls her mother's, even though Jane never lived in the palace. She talks about it often, though, and he is curious. But he has been working so hard to listen and only listen. It is not something that comes naturally. But Frigga's voice seems to often be in his ear, begging him to forgive, to try harder, and to embrace their boys as they are, not as he wishes them to be. So he does. His other option is to die alone.

He smiles to himself as she bounds back in the room, her arms bursting with fabric, the silks dragging on the floor behind her, "Thank you, girl."

"For?"

"Lending me your mother's pieces. They make my costume complete."

"You're welcome. Be careful not to lose them."

"Of course. Now, what do you have?"

She grins and spreads the pieces out on the dressing room couch, "Oh, just the most glorious thing ever!"

While Jenna shows her skirts to her grandfather, Loki dresses. He has found an intriguing battered brown leather three cornered hat that he particularly likes. Thor digs through the costumes and tosses him a shirt, vest, and full skirted jacket with wide cuffs and brass buttons that he says go to the same character.

"Fandral, which of us wore the Captain's costume?"

"The Captain? I think I did. I did not have the hair for it, though. The beads looked odd with my short locks." He holds up a string of beads with a coin on the end, "Oh yes, you will look fantastic with this in there."

"Remember that I am being married in this, please."

"The Captain is perfect for a wedding! Thor, did not Jane often quote him saying 'A wedding? I love weddings! Drinks all around!' when she was feeling festive?"

"That she did. She even said it at our own wedding. She was quite happy. And a bit drunk."

"There you go. The perfect outfit. Try on the jacket, at least. It has a fabulous swish. That skirt is a full circle. You need to get it on and give it a good spin."

Thor tugs on Loki's shirt, "Come now, get this off. See how it feels."

"Stop trying to undress me, Thor." He slaps his brother's hand away and removes his shirt. Fandral and Thor direct him, "I do know how to put on clothes."

"Yes, but the sash! There is only one good way to tie the sash!" Fandral exclaims, wrapping it around his waist as soon as he has his trousers on.

"And I will do your hair. Sit, Brother!" Loki slips the coat on and Fandral brushes it smooth as he buttons it.

"I cannot sit, your man is putting some sort of belt across my chest."

Thor's enthusiasm is big, bold, and possibly catching, given Fandral's eagerness to accessorize him, "That is to hold the Captain's effects- his sword, compass, and pistol."

"Just what story, exactly, are you dressing me in?"

Thor sits him down and begins brushing his hair, the strands of beads between his fingers, "A tale of adventure of the most high! A pirate- that is the Captain- enters port searching for a ship. He wishes to retrieve his old vessel, which is crewed by a cursed band of men who stole gold meant to pay for the conquest of a nation. They turn to skeletons and live half lives, unable to enjoy what they do or feel warmth of good company. The Captain, along with his newfound allies, must defeat them and reclaim the ship. And there is a second story, during which the man who takes those who died at sea to the other world stops his duties to seek vengeance upon the Captain who has tricked him out of a bargain. And a third story, during which the action comes to an epic head in a maelstrom, with loyalties tested and true love found. The fourth story had something to do with mermaids, and I do not remember the subsequent film. But Jane has it in her collection, and we will some day watch them together!"

Thor finishes braiding the beads into Loki's hair and hands him the three cornered hat, "Your hat, Brother."

Loki sets it carefully on his head as Fandral hands him a mask- simple, black, rimmed in red and gold, "The one covered in eyes is hardly befitting a bridegroom. This one will suit much better." The three men cluster around the mirror. "We look good, men. Very good."

"Good enough for a wedding?"

Thor claps Loki's shoulder, "Even better! The cut of that coat is most flattering on your slender frame, dear Brother."

They take care of the clothes they have left in heaps and leave the room to find Odin and Jenna.

Jenna has dressed with the help of her grandfather. Her bodice is black velvet, her skirts layers and layers of silk, each layer a different colour, green stockings on her legs. Her mask is gold, her hair piled, a sunburst around her braids.

When Thor, Loki, and Fandral meet them in the hallway, Thor beams, "My little flower child!"

"Flower girl- a suitable gown for a wedding." She hugs her father, then Fandral, and then she jumps into Loki's arms, giggling. He lifts her, twirls her around, and sets her down, "I'm just so happy for you, Uncle! This is the best Midsummer's Eve ever!" She skips to her grandfather, takes his hand, and skips ahead, tugging him behind her, "Come on! The others will be waiting at the gate. I want to see their costumes and it's almost dark!"


	41. Chapter 41

At the gate, Sif waits. Her horse is much more patient than she is. Only small hints of her gown peek from under her long black riding jacket. Black lace over opalescent white. She puts the hood up over her hair, her tiny braids twisted into a bun, their tails trickling down to tickle her neck.

"I hope they arrive soon."

Hogun, the moon as always, looks at the sky, "They have a few minutes before we need to leave. They will be here soon. Does the Lady Sif grow impatient?"

"Yes."

"And nervous?"

"Not about the act itself, but in the defiance in it, yes."

"Your father."

"Yes, my father."

"I have never seen you so concerned with what her father thinks."

She smiles a little, "Well, never before have I decided to continue a courtship against his will and then marry in secret . Though he has made it clear that I am no longer his daughter, there is still lingering fear of what he will do when he finds out."

"By then, you will be sister to the king."

Her smile widens, "Hogun, did you ever envision my wedding day?"

"No. I dared not presume."

"I did not either. This is entirely new."

"Are you happy?"

"Very. I am the master of my own fate."

"Yes. Remember that. You have chosen this. No one else. And if he tries to make your choice mean something less, hold fast."

"Thank you. My entire family is now the one I have built. My brothers, not only in arms. My brother, my king. A husband. A niece."

"And an All-Father."

"Yes. And all the complications that come with that. But still, life is good."

They hear hoofbeats and the others join them. Hogun takes the lead and they ride out. They meet Volstagg and his cart of laughing, singing, colorfully bedecked children at their home. They take a different route to the hills, Volstagg guiding their course, through the poorest part of the city. It is a purposeful detour.

As they ride past the run down houses, some clearly occupied while falling in on themselves, they see lights springing from the alleys. People with torches are gathering. Volstagg slows their procession and his oldest son hops from the cart, lighting a torch of his own. They follow the lights. Behind the cart, Odin watches, curious, but wary, from his place riding beside Hogun.

Fandral edges his horse a little closer to Sif, "Do you recall the last time we joined this particular procession?"

"It has been years."

"His son is old enough now- do you think he remembers when his parents carried him here?"

"Likely not. They last lit the fire while Volstagg's mother was yet living."

Behind them, between her father and uncle, Jenna stretches to see what is happening. The people carrying torches around them are all younger, some smaller than she is; she leans toward Loki, "Do you know what they are doing?"

"I have an idea. Ask your father."

"Father, what are they doing?"

"I do not know."

"Uncle, he does not know."

"They are celebrating Midsummer's Eve. There are many here from the hills who came for work. Watch, you will soon see."

They come to a square and they pull their procession to the side. The torchbearers form a circle and someone counts down. Then they all lean their flames in at the same time and a huge fire roars to life. The crowd cheers and Volstagg's son skips back to the wagon. Once he is back on board, they proceed to the hills.

They find the same path they took the previous year. Jenna starts to feel the familiar connection as she stares at the early stars, the warm evening breeze fluttering her skirts as she rides. And then she sees the first fire flare in the distance and she starts laughing. Another fire on another hill springs to life and she can hardly keep her pace steady. Other fires pierce the sky and Volstagg urges his team faster. She is giddy. The night is perfect, beautiful, and it will only get better. She hears the first snatches of the music on their hill. The strains become clearer and the hoofbeats change to keep time to the song. When they are close enough to smell the festival, hear the laughter and the voices shouting for more wine, something changes in her heart. It is light, and everything reminds her of Midsummer Eve's past, of her mother, of dancing, of the world beyond the gates of the palace and the city. Once a year, Jenna feels entirely free.

She is not the only one, either. Hogun promises to find them at midnight and slips off with his lady the sun. Fandral grabs Sif's hand and invites her to dance. She almost denies him, but then releases herself to the music and he sweeps her into the circle. Jenna grabs her father's hand and pulls him toward the fire. Volstagg, once again a very silly bear, lumbers after his children and their friends, roaring, while his wife, elegant with her braids blue, her gown a flowing river, tends to the smallest children with some of the village women.

Loki is left beside Odin, "So. You have been here before, have you not? Last year?"

"Yes, I was."

"So tell me what I am to do."

"I spent a good amount of time last year sitting and watching people. At least until Sif dragged me into the circle. Which I recommend. If someone asks to dance, do. And forget who you are. Entirely. Let the music become your heartbeat and the people become kin. If you can do so, this is magic at its most pure. And when they call for midnight, do not forget to meet us."

Jenna comes running back for him, "Uncle! Dance!"

"Coming, my darling girl."

"Go, enjoy yourself. Revelry is for the young. I will meet you at midnight."

"Midsummer's Eve is for everyone, Father. We all move through the year together."

Hours later, a voice calls through the crowd that it is five minutes until midnight and a hush falls over the revelers. Someone calls for everyone to raise their glass to the end of the growing sun and then another toasts the dying season of the year. And then a toast is raised to the longest day, and another to the magic of the shortest night, may it bring much mirth and mischief.

The family meets near their horses. The woman in gold is with Hogun, and there is a young man dressed entirely in leaves of green with his arms around Fandral.

"So who do we speak to?" Odin asks.

Thor answers, "We find the master of the fire."

"And how do we go about finding him, my son?"

"He will be the one who calls for midnight."

They wait. A man in layers of cloaks climbs on a large ladder beside the fire. He begins a countdown. Others join him until the entire crowd, including the royal family, is shouting the seconds down to midnight.

When they reach their end, the master of the fire raises his glass and yells, "All hail the summer sun! Welcome midnight, welcome Midsummer!" The festival erupts in cheers and the music returns, louder, more boisterous.

Thor gestures for his family to follow, "Come, I know where he will be." Loki takes Sif's hand and follows close behind his brother. Jenna takes Odin's hand and follows, their friends behind.

The master of the fire sips from a tankard under the ancient oak tree just out of the reach of the flames. Thor hails him and he raises his mead to the approaching party.

"Hail and merry meet! How can I help you folks on this fine night?"

"Hail, master! Merry meet! My brother wishes to be wed tonight." He turns to Loki and Sif.

"What a lovely couple! Regal, even!" Loki and Sif cannot stop smiling, "Now, I must ask this- are you both here of your own free will, fully aware that a marriage on Midsummer's Eve, one of our great holy days, is a marriage, fully and freely blessed, as any other? That it is as sacred as one performed in the halls of the great priests?"

Sif bows her head slightly, "I do not have my father's blessing." She then raises her chin, "But I do not wish for that to impede my living and loving. I am here of my free will, whether the city considers this a marriage or not."

"Ah, my dear, but there is where you are wrong- Midsummer's Eve is different. It is the one night where you do not need permission, where love freely asked and freely given is a sacred thing. These marriages are truly unique- something that even the priests have accepted as being as no less than one done by their own class. There is magic in these hills on this night. And I am happy to tell you that my position as master of the fire gives me full power to marry you, father's permission or not."

Her hands fly to her lips and she cannot help but laugh, "You speak truth?"

"Verily. There is nothing more real than this night."

She grabs Loki's shoulders, "Did you hear that? Nothing less."

"I did."

"I did not know such a thing was possible."

The master of the fire is smiling, "Only on Midsummer's Eve."

Loki takes her hands, "Please, good master, marry us. There is nothing I want more deeply than to wed this woman."

"Then come, stand here under the branches of Grandfather Oak. Your family," he gestures to the others, "needs to come circle around you. Yes, yes, like that. Everyone come close, be friendly." He stands by the trunk of the tree and looks out at his guests, "Now. I shall need names. They need not be your own."

Loki tears his eyes from Sif, "If I choose to hear my own, can you keep it secret?"

"The master of the fire burns out at dawn. I say nothing even of my role until the next time I take the mantle. So you will have nothing to fear."

"Loki."

"And Sif."

He smiles, "Loki and Sif. Delightful names. Take hands, young lovers. You must touch. Yes, yes. On this most blessed day, the hills sing with fire burning bright. But the fire you have for one another is brighter, more sacred even than the heartbeat of the land and the sun we celebrate. A blooming in our souls. And so, as keeper of this light, I bless you. Loki, do you pledge yourself to Sif, binding yourself to her for the rest of your life, may it be long?"

"I pledge myself to her."

"And Sif, do you pledge yourself to Loki, binding yourself to him for the rest of your life, may it be long?"

"I pledge myself to him."

"And so you are bound. Go, share the beauty of this love- may it always burn brightly when you need the light and smoulder with the heat of coals anticipating flame." He laughs, then addresses the assembled, "I bid you welcome the first couple married this Midsummer's Day!" They begin to cheer and he laughs with them, "Come on, give us a kiss!"

Loki has already had that idea and dips Sif low. She is can't help but giggle, nor can he, as he lifts her back up. It is only as they stand that they realise there is quite a crowd gathered around them, clapping and happily hollering congratulations.

Jenna is the first to reach Loki and she leaps into his arms, "You did it! You did it!"

Thor follows her, clapping him on the back, "Congratulations, Brother!" Loki sets Jenna down so Thor can properly embrace him. Thor holds him close, speaking low so only he can hear, "It was not long ago that I believed I would never see the day you wed. Thank all that is holy in these worlds that tonight you prove me wrong."

"I did not think this possible myself, Brother. I had written off love as unavailable to one such as I. And it would never have happened if you did not believe me worth searching for. Thank you. This is a gift you have helped me receive." He steps back from Thor and turns to Jenna, who is holding Sif's hand, absentmindedly swinging it, as Sif speaks to Fandral, "And you as well, little lady. I would not be here were it not for your grace."

Jenna smiles, "I just did what I do, Uncle."

"Well you did not have to do it, and I am ever grateful that you saw me worth your time, even when I was difficult."

"That is what families do."

Fandral gives Sif a hug and then hugs Loki, "Yes, to family! I am so happy this night. Congratulations, Loki. I will be back with mulled wine- we must toast!" He slips off.

Loki takes his wife's hand and cannot help but smiling just a little more broadly when he thinks of that word- wife- and he feels a glow in his heart when he reminds himself that he is now a husband. He then realizes she is talking to his father and listens in to their conversation.

"I only wish my departed wife could see this. She would be very proud of you both."

"She would be proud of you as well. You have come a long way in accepting your sons this year. I have watched."

"Thank you, Sif. My daughter." He smiles, "Welcome to this family."

"And thank you, Father, for opening yourself to our lives," Loki replies, "We have all had a long road."

Odin embraces him, still awkward, but sincere, "That we have."

Fandral returns, Hogun and Volstagg in tow, with mulled wine, "Wine, wine! A toast!" And there are many, and so much mirth. Odin keeps himself steady with only one glass and his eye firmly set on keeping watch over Jenna. The music strikes a new tune and the merry masses dance. Odin settles on a log bench while Jenna joins hands with Sif and Loki.

The master of the fire sits beside him, "Even with the mask, I recognise you. It has been many years, but your voice is unmistakable."

"You will have to forgive me, my memory is not what it was and I do not know you."

"Oh, you wouldn't. I only saw you from a distance. I once helped my father handle your horse. Magnificent thing, all those legs. Made it all the harder to avoid being kicked. But a grand creature, still the same."

"That he is. But too conspicuous to ride tonight."

"I have always been curious. Is he your horse, or the king's horse?"

"Mine. But my elder son has ridden him as well."

"That was your younger son I just married, was it not? The dark haired trickster?"

"Yes."

"He was missing for many years."

"That he was. He had much to explore."

"If I am correct, there is more to that story that I will never know."

"You are correct. But as he has reminded me repeatedly, that is his story, and not mine to tell."

"As it should be. You needn't worry. I will not tell a soul. We are deadly serious that things that happen in the magic of this night stay here and only here. That young man of the moon who meets the lady of the sun, they have been courting this way for years. She told me they have an arrangement- a year and a day, one Midsummer's Eve, ten hours or so each, at a time. Only after that will they consider revealing themselves to their families. I am one of the few who knows who she is. I do not know who he is, and do not tell me. It is just a part of what this night means."

"I have never celebrated this night. My eldest has for years with his wife, child, and friends. And last year my youngest joined him. And now they welcome me here."

"Your family is complicated, just like everyone else's."

"Possibly moreso. One of my sons has particular skills with mischief and mayhem."

The master of the fire shrugs, "Eh, we all have one in the family. Some of us are mild in our fun, but some fall farther than others." There is a knowing look in his eyes and Odin wonders how he has figured this out or if it is a coincidental turn of phrase.

"Indeed. They do."

He rises and offers a handshake, which Odin accepts, "It has been a pleasure, sir, to have the opportunity to speak to you. Midsummer's Eve, when the kings dance with the fools, where the creatures under the barrows mingle in our midst and play havoc with our minds. It is a delight. Enjoy yourself, and the magic it brings, the magic we make."

And he is gone, whirling into the colours and textures of the costumes around the fire.


	42. Chapter 42

Odin dozes on a bench after the dancing has tapered down. Loki and Sif have snuggled under the great oak on a blanket stolen from Volstagg's cart and no one bothers them as they nuzzle and kiss under the canopy of leaves. Fandral has, as always, found his way to the pile of bodies on one side of the fire that now snores and occasionally giggles. Hogun has vanished with his sun lady and Volstagg's children are trundled off to their beds. Thor and Jenna count early morning shooting stars as the night sky lightens to grey.

When the sun first colours the horizon with tendrils of lavender and crimson, Hogun returns and wakes Fandral, "Say your farewells, friend, for we ride with the rising sun." He leaves as Fandral turns to rouse the leaf-clad man beside him.

He next goes to the oak and shakes Sif's shoulder, "Wake, my friend. We must return to the city."

She swats at him, "Go bother Fandral."

"I already did."

"Then go bother Thor."

"He is still awake."

"And you do not want to be the one to wake the All-Father."

"Correct."

"Fine. But go away."

Hogun chuckles to himself as he walks to the horses. It has been a good night for all of them.

Sif wakes Loki with a kiss, "Mmmm, the first morning kiss from my wife. Do give a second."

She does, and he is eager to continue for a third and fourth, but she gently pushes him back, "Our family waits for us. It is time to return to the city."

"Oh, let them wait a few more moments..."

"No, I think not. It would be quite awkward were your father to come looking for us."

"Hmmm, you are right. I suppose then that we must go willingly." He sits and runs his fingers through his hair, "There are twigs in my hair, Lady. Will you pluck them out?"

"Only if you will do the same."

"As before, yes. I delight in your dark hair."

"You ought, you caused it." She tugs him up and sits behind him, raking her fingers through his hair.

"I should have taken it as an omen then that we would some day find ourselves in this position. The only people in Asgard with hair as the night."

"Did you fancy me then?"

"No. I thought you vain and arrogant, a daughter of the court, beautiful, but an annoyance at best."

"Well then I suppose I have you to thank for my transformation into a shieldmaiden."

"If only I had thought to do it sooner." He dodges as she punches his arm, laughing. He scrambles to his feet and tosses the blanket up as a wall. "Would you believe me if I told you the entire thing was unplanned?"

"Possibly, but not likely." She clambers to her feet and gestures for him to pick the twigs from her braids.

"Unlikely as it seems, it was not. But I like you far better now." He darts in and kisses her cheek.

"I hope so, given that we just married."

"You will have to remind me of that often. I still cannot quite believe it." She retrieves her discarded riding jacket; he takes it and helps her put it on, his hands lingering on her shoulders, "Thank you, Sif. I cannot repeat it enough."

She takes his hand and leads him towards their horses, "It is a choice I was happy to make."

The family rides from the hills quietly, taking in the bright colours of the new day. They are tired, but there is also something invigorating about the bright sun piercing the hills on Midsummer's Day. They dismount at the palace gate and call for servants to take their horses. They amble across the wide courtyard leading up to the palace steps.

"Father?," Jenna asks, "I am hungry. Will you make breakfast?"

Thor smiles, "Of course! I believe pancakes are in order."

"Since when did you learn to cook, Brother?"

"Since my wife taught me. Have I never made you pancakes?"

"No."

"Then we shall celebrate your marriage with breakfast! They will have strawberries, a most celebratory fruit."

A voice from behind interrupts their light mood, "Marriage? Who did he marry?"

Sif tenses.

They turn and there stands her father, "I did not give my blessing."

"You also told me that I could choose you or my husband, one family or the other. You will recall that I made my choice."

"I do. And I think it a ridiculous one."

She clutches Loki's hand, angry, "I don't."

"So you partnered with him anyway."

"No. I married him. A Midsummer's Eve marriage."

"I thought you might run off for this country holiday again. I did not think you would do something as irresponsible as this, though. Do you think nothing of the station your poor mother, rest her, and I secured for you? I should drag you home this instant and knock some sense into you."

"Enough. I married the man I love. If you care only for station, he is a prince and you can fixate on that."

"He is of Jotunheim. Not my prince."

Loki takes her arm and tries to gently urge her away from the argument, "A moment, my love."

Fandral, still a little drunk from the night before, has no qualms about speaking his mind, "Will you please sod off and let us get back to celebrating? We all had a wonderful night. And you'd best watch your tone about the brother of our king. Oh, and by my marvelous silver trousers, if you touch her, I'll challenge you- and I assure you, there will be a line."

Sif's father is livid. Odin steps forward and places a hand on his arm, "Might I give you a bit of advice?" He removes his mask, "Let her be, Arnvid. She is so happy with my son. From one father to another. One who has made the choice to lose a child, stop and think. You will regret this."

Loki has taken Sif a little distance away, "He cannot take you. You are safe. We will assure this."

"I heard Fandral's threat."

"Oh, I think it is more of a promise than a threat. If you wish for me to defend you, I will do so most swiftly."

"I hope it does not come to that."

"As do I. But if it does, you are not alone."

Thor, already partway up the stairs when Sif's father first spoke, steps down beside Loki and Sif, "Come, Brother. Come, Sister. Let our fathers discuss this on their own. We have celebratory breakfast ahead and we will not let this spoil the day."

"I am sorry, Thor, but my father's appearance is dampening my mood. I do not know if even strawberries can lighten it."

Fandral and Hogun join them; Fandral slips between Loki and Sif and puts an arm around each of them, "Do not let him darken this day. It is your wedding day, and we will celebrate most heartily over breakfast...and then sleep most heartily until afternoon."

Hogun gives Sif a small smile, "Remember- your choice. No one can take that from you."

She smiles back, "Thank you." She looks at the family surrounding her, "Thank you all. I feel better." Jenna hugs her.

"Then to breakfast we shall go! Oh how Volstagg must wish he were here!" Thor booms.

"I will eat as he does to make up for it, how does that sound?" Fandral chimes. Loki kisses Sif's cheek, "Oh ho ho...do not think that I have forgotten the kiss jar! It begins!"

"Kiss jar?" Sif asks, her mind still on her father.

"Yes! Do you remember when I brought it out for Thor and Jane? I took you all to the pub after a month."

She rolls her eyes, "You do not really intend to bring that out, do you?"

"Oh yes! I made a fortune then. I anticipate I will make another. You two are adorable together. That means more coin in the jar for me!"

"And what if Sif or I have no coins?"

"I will take collateral. Your fancy gauntlets, a shoe, a piece of jewelry. Perhaps a lock of hair."

He winks and Sif shoves him, "Don't even think it."

"It matters not which, just something to assure you will clink a little something in the jar when you can."

Odin is still speaking to Arnvid, "I spent far too long not thinking about what I sounded like to my children. To my wife. Do not make the same mistake."

"But there are rules for how to go about these things, and I did not permit her to marry the one from Jotunheim."

"The one from Jotunheim is still an Odinson. It would do you well to remember that."

"Our laws say it is not a marriage if the father does not permit it."

"Our laws our wrong. My beloved wife knew that. My sons know this. And on Midsummer's Eve, things are different."

"That does not mean I like what my daughter has done behind my back or that I accept this ridiculous concept of a Midsummer's Eve marriage."

Odin sadly shakes his head, "No. You do not have to. But it will mean that you no longer have a daughter, culled from your family by your own hand. Asgard is no longer ours- we are but old men. It is their turn to lead, and they will change so much in their lifetimes. If you resist, they will leave you behind. My sons walked away from me when I rejected Jenna for her mother from Midgard. For a little while, I had only passing conversations with Thor, a warning of the isolation my intolerance would bring. But the girl's mother was right. Blood or built, family is family. And you do not have to make this choice. You are welcome to join us, to celebrate the union of our children over breakfast and to be a part of this family, if you can accept it as it is. I have learned a new kind of wisdom from Midgard, one I was blind to even after my sacrifice to Mimir."

He turns to follow his family up the steps and does not look back.

Standing alone in the courtyard, Arnvid thinks. Then he walks toward the gate.

Jenna's laughter rings through the crisp morning air, the sound almost visible, glistening off the gleaming edifice.

Loki dramatically sweeps his arm around Sif's waist, turns and dips her low, and kisses her on the steps, an answer to a teasing question from his brother.

Fandral shouts, "Kiss jar!"

"Do not tell me you have it with you?" Loki mocks.

He pulls a small glass from his satchel, "No, but I have a miniature kiss jar!"

"You stole a glass!" Jenna says, giggling.

"No, I did not. I accidentally walked off with the glass many years ago and have used it every Midsummer's Eve since."

"How is that not stealing it?"

"Why dear girl, I bring it back every year."

She erupts in another fit of giggles. Odin catches up and Thor calls for them to follow him merrily, for there will be a feast of pancakes, and hoists Jenna onto his shoulders.

At the gate, Arnvid stops. He looks back to see his daughter playfully push her new husband aside after a kiss, then grab his hand and skip up the steps, a laughing child on the king's shoulders leading the little parade. Fandral has dropped something in a small cup and is jingling it as they walk, creating a crude music that they dance to, exhausted but happy.

He sighs. The old way of thinking about things is so draining. But they are what he is certain is right. He looks between the gate and the revelers staggering into the palace. They look so happy. Truly like a family. And he has only an empty house waiting for him. But according to everything he knows, this is wrong. This is some kind of violation of decorum and it may well bring down Aesir society. But at the same time...if pure joy brings down Asgard, will it be so bad? And there is the crack in his resolve. A moment of fracture. The choice is simple. Old ideas or what he sees right in front of him. Join the band or be left behind when they dance past him. Stubbornness or love.

He turns abruptly and strides to the stairs.

Odin glances over his shoulder and sees him coming. He calls for his children to wait a moment as they enter the palace. Odin lingers outside the great doors. When Arnvid meets him, he gestures for him to enter with him. The friends fall silent.

He does not know what to say, so he bows his head and extends a hand towards his daughter, "The All-Father is right. You are so happy. And I am alone. Will you forgive my inability to see that your joy and love is more important than the formalities I learned at my father's knee?"

Sif hesitantly takes his hand, "Yes. But you cannot leave it simply at words."

"I will not."

"Do you promise this?"

"I will do my best."

"I will be wary, Father, but we will start anew." She places his hand in Loki's, "And you can begin by accepting that my husband is who he is, and I love him dearly."

He stares at Loki's hand and his mind is screaming to let go, to hiss out insults and to wipe off the touch of Jotunheim, but he shoves those thoughts aside and takes a long breath, "I will. Despite all I have been taught."

Odin pats his shoulder, "Loki is still who he has always been. Jotunheim is just another facet."

"This will take time."

Loki takes a step closer to him, "I understand. It took me years and the love of my dear niece to see it for myself. But for the sake of your daughter, try."

He nods, then shakes Loki's hand, "Yes. I will."

There is a moment of uncomfortable silence before Thor claps once and then says, "So, to breakfast! Pancakes for all!"

Fandral cheers, jingling his cup, and takes Sif by the arm, "Yes, pancakes!" She laughs and shoves him off as he tries to dance with her down the hallway. Loki swoops in and twirls with her after Thor, Jenna skipping alongside them.

Odin and Hogun walk with Arnvid; Odin speaks, "Welcome to this family. We are, apparently, a bit odd. But very merry."

"I have much to get used to. We are old men, Odin. How can we change so much that we can live in this new world our children are making?"

"We do because we must."

"But how?"

Odin shrugs, "We just do."

Arnvid thinks on this. If the All-Father, one of the oldest of the Aesir, can accept this as truth, he has hope for himself. He watches the young people ahead of him as they laugh and play while walking the hall. He knows that things will be different from this day forward. Sometimes difficult. But he hears Jenna singing something that makes it all seem possible.

"Love wins! Love wins!"


End file.
